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  1. #1
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    Default Are parent's too judgmental of each other

    So, maybe it's just me, but reading through a lot of posts I see an awful lot of judging going on. Quite often i think this is without full understanding of a situation. So my question to you lovely people is, are parents too quick to judge each other these days? And why has parenting become a competition to be perfect? Obviously if you disagree I would love to hear that too! :-)

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    Squeegee is offline Wanting to add a new squeegee to the family
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    Great question. I have often thought about this myself. I think part of the reason we simply "can't help it" is because parenting and having children is part of our identity. The love we have for our children goes right to the very core of who we are.... most (if not all) parents would die for and make immense sacrifices their children to protect them and care for them.

    So for someone on "the outside" to make a judgement cuts to the core of us. And in turn, the love we have for our own leads us to "want the best" for other children and so when we see other parents making "mistakes" according to us... we want to "fix" it so the child gets the best out of life.

    Just my thoughts

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    Happy2be3  (18-09-2012),Lewbaby  (18-09-2012)

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    I think it is nice in theory to say judging others is a terrible thing.

    I actually think quite the opposite.

    Firstly, there is a difference between judging a person on their appearance or their personal background, and judging them on their actions. I am talking about the latter.

    I find it essential to judge peoples actions and intentions to make a decision on what ethics, morals and values I want to live my life by. I also think it is important for children to learn to think critically and learn how to judge to help develop a sense of what is appropriate and what is not appropriate.

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    Lewbaby  (18-09-2012)

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    I don't think it's a new thing. My mum was a little bit crunchy back in those days and I know she dealt with a lot of judgement - but then I would also hear her 'discuss' other people's parenting choices too.

    I agree that critical thinking is an important skill and I also think it is wiser to learn from the mistakes of others than making those mistakes yourself.

    I do think the change we see now is perhaps people are being more brazen in their judgement due to the rise of social media etc where communication is quite different to IRL.

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    I think a lot of people get judging and difference of opinion mixed up. I disagree with smacking, for instance, but I don't judge parents who smack. I just disagree. I think if someone's opinion feels like judgement towards you then you need to find out why. If you were confident in your choices and actions, then what does it matter what other people think?
    Last edited by Guest1234; 18-09-2012 at 11:57.

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    I think there's a fine balance, in life and even this forum I've seen people be too permissive... extreme situations though, not every day judging over things that are inconsequential in the greater scheme of parenting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RunawayPrincess View Post
    I think a lot of people get judging and difference of opinion mixed up here on bubhub. I disagree with smacking, for instance, but I don't judge parents who smack. I just disagree. I think if someone's opinion feels like judgement towards you then you need to find out why. If you were confident in your choices and actions, then what does it matter what other people think?
    That's definitely a big issue, people aren't confident of their personal situation and being vulnerable read every differing point of view as a personal attack on their parenting... when their situation is not what's being discussed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewbaby View Post
    So, maybe it's just me, but reading through a lot of posts I see an awful lot of judging going on. Quite often i think this is without full understanding of a situation. So my question to you lovely people is, are parents too quick to judge each other these days? And why has parenting become a competition to be perfect? Obviously if you disagree I would love to hear that too! :-)
    I just think that parenting is one of those things that people have strong opinions on.. and when people have strong opinions on something they tend to judge other people who don't do it the way they would.

    I think it's normal to judge. People judge things (good or bad judgements) with everything they see. They might not voice them out loud. It's worse on bubhub because people don't know the other people on the forum and so it's easier to berate someone over the internet than someone you know IRL.

    I also agree with what Runaway princess said. If someone saying/disagreeing with something is getting to you, find out why as really, if you're doing what you think is right why let what others think get to you?

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    Thanks everyone. These are all really valid and interesting replies. I hadn't necessarily looked at things from that angle. I think a big one us not seeing other peoples opinions as judgements. Thats very true. I think what gets my goat is when people refuse to see things from another perspective. Nobody is perfect, we are all just mucking through, so cant we all just be more supportive! I'm a known softy and avoider of confrontation though, so there you go. ;-)

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    I think being a parent is one big paradox. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I think some parents feel the need to bolster their own choices/actions by putting down others who choose/act differently.


 

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