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  1. #21
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    she only went about once a month because her mother forced her but it made absolutely no difference at all.
    today she left school before the last period. I did find her and at first was angry. apparently she ditched school because she wanted a cigarette . i hesitated to go home because i knew she'd jsut go to her room and we'd be cold towards each other. so i just drove and drove. TBH she had that many chances to jump out of the car when i stopped at lights or intersections but she didn't. we talked we yelled we were sarcastic with each other. in the end i said look, we love that you're living with us, we do'nt want it any other way so we need to work this out. she told me all she wants to do is "chill" with her friends. I told her i understood but right now our priority is keeping her safe, and by finding out more and more about who and where she hangs i don't feel ok letting her out with them at her age. but that if she'd like to have a friend over that's ok. and she liked that.
    i want to give her freedom but am jsut too damn scared as she is very very naive and i really think people take advantage of that

  2. #22
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    she only went about once a month because her mother forced her but it made absolutely no difference at all.
    today she left school before the last period. I did find her and at first was angry. apparently she ditched school because she wanted a cigarette . i hesitated to go home because i knew she'd jsut go to her room and we'd be cold towards each other. so i just drove and drove. TBH she had that many chances to jump out of the car when i stopped at lights or intersections but she didn't. we talked we yelled we were sarcastic with each other. in the end i said look, we love that you're living with us, we do'nt want it any other way so we need to work this out. she told me all she wants to do is "chill" with her friends. I told her i understood but right now our priority is keeping her safe, and by finding out more and more about who and where she hangs i don't feel ok letting her out with them at her age. but that if she'd like to have a friend over that's ok. and she liked that.
    i want to give her freedom but am jsut too damn scared as she is very very naive and i really think peo

  3. #23
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    she only went about once a month because her mother forced her but it made absolutely no difference at all.
    today she left school before the last period. I did find her and at first was angry. apparently she ditched school because she wanted a cigarette . i hesitated to go home because i knew she'd jsut go to her room and we'd be cold towards each other. so i just drove and drove. TBH she had that many chances to jump out of the car when i stopped at lights or intersections but she didn't. we talked we yelled we were sarcastic with each other. in the end i said look, we love that you're living with us, we do'nt want it any other way so we need to work this out. she told me all she wants to do is "chill" with her friends. I told her i understood but right now our priority is keeping her safe, and by finding out more and more about who and where she hangs i don't feel ok letting her out with them at her age. but that if she'd like to have a friend over that's ok. and she liked that.
    i want to give her freedom but am jsut too damn scared as she is very very naive and i really think people take advantage of that

  4. #24
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    she only went about once a month because her mother forced her but it made absolutely no difference at all.
    today she left school before the last period. I did find her and at first was angry. apparently she ditched school because she wanted a cigarette . i hesitated to go home because i knew she'd jsut go to her room and we'd be cold towards each other. so i just drove and drove. TBH she had that many chances to jump out of the car when i stopped at lights or intersections but she didn't. we talked we yelled we were sarcastic with each other. in the end i said look, we love that you're living with us, we do'nt want it any other way so we need to work this out. she told me all she wants to do is "chill" with her friends. I told her i understood but right now our priority is keeping her safe, and by finding out more and more about who and where she hangs i don't feel ok letting her out with them at her age. but that if she'd like to have a friend over that's ok. and she liked that.
    i want to give her freedom but am jsut too damn scared as she is very very naive and i really think peo

  5. #25
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    What a stressful situation. I used to work with 'troubled' teens and a majority of them were serial absconders. One girl in particular really reminds me of how you are explaining your SD. I worked with her from the ages of 14-17. She started hanging with the wrong crowd and it just got worse. She was known to all the police in town and the emergency department. She had a fractured relationship with her mother and was not allowed to live with her anymore yet when she ran away, she always eventually went back to her mum (100km away). It took years for me to get her to open up to me. She had so many people come in and out of her life that she didn't know who to trust. I gave her the stability she craved and things started to get better. Does sd still talk with her mum? For a teenage girl, not having her mum can be a really tough thing to deal with. No amount of yelling or taking things away will get through to her in my opinion because it sounds like she really doesn't care. Hugs to you op. You have a tough road ahead. Stay strong and be there for her as much as you can even though im sure you feel like strangling her sometimes you and your dh need to be a united front. The best advice I was ever given was to be unpredictable in the way you react to her. Eg: If she will expect you to yell, instead be very calm and quiet. It can really throw them off course and diffuse the situation. Good luck

  6. #26
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    I agree with a pp. Include her in the problem and ask for her opinion. Let her help you brainstorm ideas so that you are all happy with the boundaries being set. Are there any options for some part time work so she experiences responsibility and a sense of self worth from earning a little of her own money?

    I like that you have encouraged her to invite a friend over. Having mates is a huge part of her life at this age. It's good if she brings them into your home.

    Let her know that she can make some choices for herself and that she is responsible for her choices. Wipe the slate clean and start again. Include her in some activities that make the house run better but let her have some choice in what chores she does.

    Punishment doesn't work well. It doesn't correct behaviour as it does not help them learn what the desired behaviour is. Positive reinforcement can work wonders! Tell her dad he needs to be caring and consistant and he needs to help prepare her for adulthood.

    Good luck.


 

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