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  1. #11
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi musicalmummy, Im sure you have looked for help in all the different directons that you can. Is there any youth club, p.c.y.c. type of thing near you.? It seems that your sd is thinking she is older and wiser than she really is, and that she has all the answers. She might benefit from spending some time with youth workers, and seeing where some homeless kids do end up. There is such a need for more support for families and young people. I wish you all the best. Marie.

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    This was me as a 13/14 year old - running away, dealing with step parents and other family issues, and hanging out with total dropkicks. The only thing, I think, that would have helped would have been a complete removal from the environment (i.e. going to stay with grandparents or other family). Is this possible at all?
    By this stage she may be well past listening, unfortunately - it sounds like problems have been developing over time with the breakdown with her mum, and the solution just won't come quickly. In my case, it got much worse before it got better. I really hope you can find strength & support to intervene in your SD's issues before they are totally out of control. It's so hard.

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    This was my niece 4 years ago I wish I could give you some advice on how to stop it but no one figured it out with her. Shes now 17 and just recently been pregnant living out of home etc. It's sad and I wish you all the best and hope that sd pulls her head in soon for you guys *hugs*

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    I couldnt read and not post Im so sorry for this awful situation your in..

    Although I dont have teenagers (so it may be easier said then done) but I would honestly be as hard as possible on her. Literally lock her inside if you need to.

    Also could you possible talk to the police and get them to take her to the jail? Maybe seeing face to face what happens when you mess with the wrong people may hit home with her? Or do you know anyone who is a reformed drug addict that could maybe talk to her? Either way she isn't going to listen to you or your DH so maybe trying to figure out someone who she looks up to might be also another option.

    On another note your DH needs to get his head out of the sand. He isnt doing her any favours by being so soft on her.
    Last edited by FertileMertile; 18-09-2012 at 16:25.

  5. #15
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    Just had another thought that was sparked by a PP. Is there anywhere like a farm that you could send her? Something that would involve manual labour? I had a friend whos brother was a troubled teen and they sent him to a family members farm for quite a few months and it seemed to really straighten him out!

  6. #16
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    all i can think is don't let her out, don't allow facebook and the only socialising is done in our home. wish i could home school patiently

  7. #17
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    I was the *run away* child......

    You just have to persist.. Talk to your hubby about the importance of being firm on her... And perhaps (as hard and wrong it is) next time she does it, let her go, don't make a fuss, and see what your hubby does..... Watch his reaction and that should help...
    Maybe explain all the possible consequences of if she was aloud to do what she wanted..? Pregnancy, drugs, hurt, raped, kidnapped, drugged, etc etc.

    When I was younger, it was a case of having to many boundaries, that I just wanted some time to myself without being so sheltered. My mum unfortunately didn't understand that and we had a very rough few teen years.
    Mum layed off when I was around 17, and things got significantly better and we got along so well, and she and I are now very close!

  8. #18
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    So, sorry, moral of the story.... At this point, the more you *punish, discipline, attach that ball and chain* the more she is going to want to run away.

    Maybe try and get her involved in other things like a sport, maybe social group, find a guidence counseller, not so much a psych as they usually tend to be really snooty and up themselves and *do goodish* while a GC is usually more of a cool friend.

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    Have you asked her why she is running away? Have you told her how it makes you and your DH feel (Worried, upset, anxious, frustrated etc).

    Maybe chat to her in a respectful way, acknowledging her want for freedom and trust from you both and let her know that the way things are going are not working well. Ask her to help you come up with a solution to the problem. How can she still have freedom and you still trust her. If you work it out together shes more likely to feel empowered and respected by you.

    I agree with another PP about finding another adult she can talk to. But again let her think about who this person can be. Present her with some options and let her decide which adult she wants to talk to.

    I think the generalisation about the guidance counsellor vs the pyschologist is way off. Many guidance councellors ARE psychologists.

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    She must like the psych if she has been going for a year. What has the psych suggested you and her dad do to manage this?


 

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