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  1. #1
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    Default Circumcision ... :(

    Hi,

    So I am 28 weeks with my second and it's a boy. So my mind was open to or rather should I say oblivious tothe issue of circumcision. At first I didn't really know what we would do in that regard, but my husband is totally adamant that he will be/should be circumcised (needless to say my husband is himself).

    Initially my thoughts were, no, I'd prefer we didn't get him done as I honestly can't stand the thought of putting our new born baby boy through it!! But thought maybe my husband had more of a say given he has a penis and i don't.

    I have asked my midwife about it and she, and another midwife in the room at the time, where baffled as to why my husband would want it done to our little man. They explained it's pretty much not done these days, only for maybe cultural or religious reasons and only done through private surgeries or hospitals.

    So I have done a bit of my own research and looked into why people would get their boys circumcised post birth, cleanliness seems to been the main issue which seems totally irrelevant. My research uncovered (as the midwives had also informed me) that the foreskin is still attached to the head of penis until age 3 or 4 anyway! I attempted to watch a video of the procedure being done on a 6 week old but had turn it off! And at the result of all my research I have decided there is NO WAY I am having it done my precious baby boy!

    So now I need to convince my husband! I am so anxious about talking to him about it as I feel he won't listen and will just remain head strong about it. His main reason for it to be done is the cleanliness aspect. But so what, at 3 or 4 we have to teach him he needs to clean it a certain way!? If he wants to get his foreskin removed later on in life as an adult, that will be his choice. Also, the 'son to look like dad' aspect doesn't fly with me either considering most boys are not circumcised these days. I'd rather he look the same physically to his peers than his dad.

    Anyway, need advice on how to broach the issue with hubby. It's totally stressing me out and making me feel very upset to tears whenever i think about it, which is a lot at the moment.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I would ask him why he needs his son to look like him?

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  4. #3
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    what i said to my husband was you organize it you take , you hold him, you clean it afterwards. i have nothing to do with it. Once he held him there was never any mention of it. Take no part in it.

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default Circumcision ... :(

    Show him the video you tried to watch.

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    So sorry you're in this position. I'm not sure what you can do to convince him.

    Even if you can't, just remember that by default you'll get your way. It's not ideal, and obviously it'd be a lot less stressful if you could agree, but your husband can't have your son circumcised just because he wants it done.

    Good luck - hopefully someone else can offer something more helpful.

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Show him the video you tried to watch.
    this

  9. #7
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    Yeah that was exactly what the midwives said to me, Flyer. I kinda think maybe I just wait until he is born and see how DH feels then or rather rely on the fact that he (DH) wont be able to bring himself to get DS done too. It's so brutal {text removed by moderator} That video I tried to watch of it brought me to tears and still does thinking about it!! Why is it even legal I say!
    Last edited by Izy; 17-09-2012 at 17:15.

  10. #8
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    Maybe framing the discussion in a way that makes him realise the decision was made for him, and these days parents are more likely to let the child make their decision about their own bodies as adults.

    To make it your son's decision, instead of yours? Would that help him see things differently?

    If he's worried about cleanliness then educate him a bit about how foreskins actually work (he wouldn't know, he hasn't got one) and that the only person to pull the foreskin back should be the child (and they don't until they're about 4 or 5), so it's completely safe and enclosed for those first 5 years. So worrying about toddlers being dirty isn't really an issue (if it was, all men would have rotting penises in childhood, surely?!). Once they're old enough to pull the foreskin back (without pain) they're old enough to clean it in the bath or shower. My son knows to pull his back and give it a rinse, even though there's never been anything in there.

    You clean it like it was a finger, it's no more work when uncircumcised than circumcised. In fact circumcised is much more work because you have to put the vaseline and the gauze on for it to heal for a few weeks.

    My husband is not circumcised, but even if he was, I wouldn't allow my son to be. It's outdated and made sense when we didn't wash everyday but now we do. It's my son's penis, it's his choice.

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  12. #9
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    Default Circumcision ... :(

    Usually when DH and I disagree I don't argue too much I just tell him how I see it and my feelings then I let him stew in it for a while... pretty much always he'll come around to my idea. Don't bombard him about it and def don't make him feel like you're cornering him - men in general feel threaten that way and will become defensive.
    In your case also show him the video that you couldn't watch, if he's still wanting his son circumcised I would tell him that he would need to arrange and take DS for the procedure as well as take care of the wound and change nappies till its healed as you won't the able to as you're against it.

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  14. #10
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    I agree with all the above but I also would suggest sitting him down and asking him why he feels so strongly about having it done. He must have some reason or another as to why he wants it done so badly. Good luck with your decision.


 

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