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  1. #1
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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Hi all,

    Weve been TTC for just on two years now, and had no luck whatsoever. We've tried temping and charting, preseed, SMEP ... Basically everything under the sun.

    Ive had bloods taken and ultrasounds for PCOS, and everything came back normal.

    The problem is I can't get DH to agree to be tested. He seems to think its some kind of insult to his manhood, but that's not how I see it at all! He's also made it pretty clear that he won't be involved in fertility treatment for the same reason.

    So ... Just wondering, has anyone else had a similar issue? How did you resolve it?

    I can't even talk to him about it. Whenever the topic comes up he just sort of grunts and then feigns an interest in a nearby inanimate object.

    Its really starting to get to me because, if I'm honest, the only thing I want out of life is to be a mother. And I really can't see that happening anytime soon

  2. #2
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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Sorry to hear things are so tough. I know many men do feel their manhood is threatened if they are "shooting blanks". Does he really want to be a dad, or is he more "if it happens, it's meant to be"? Does he know how much you want to be a mum? If not, tell him. Talking is the key but getting the conversation started can be tricky. Do you know anyone who has had fertility treatment? Maybe if he had a friend who has done it you could suggest that he speak with his friend. He might feel better hearing from another man that it's okay... Good luck.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Is it a deal breaker for you?
    Can you approach it that at least if he has testing done, then you can work on knowledge?
    If his tests came back badly and he didn't want to go down fertility road, then at least you would know to stop actively trying and stop being devo each time AF arrives. Maybe try that tack.
    Sounds like he has his head firmly in the sand. Not fair on you and your wants/needs. You have been through testing but he won't. How is it fair?? You are only working on 50% knowledge.

    Good luck.
    It's a tough situation.
    Lots of men seem to have issues with it. Wish they wouldn't take it so darn personally.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

  6. #4
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    If you have any friends who have had infertility issues (male) I'd recommend you ask them to talk to him. My DH has low sperm count with poor morphology and he's talked to several mates about it and at least one has since gone ahead with testing (and is about to start IVF) and that mate swore he would never go down that road when DH first started talking it him about. Good luck - being fertility challenged is very difficult but there is lots of help and support if you can reach out

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    DP was the same....didnt really want to talk about it. Whenever the subject came up he would mumble something and change the subject.

    I ended up waiting until we could sit down somewhere with no distractions and just laid it all out. Told him everything I had to go through. Told him how it made me feel, the constant disppointments each month when AF showed and how we needed to see all sides of the problem as to why we werent falling pregnant.

    I tried to say it in a way so as not to blame him but took it from the tack like...we have a problem and we need to fix it so we need to investigate all angles.

    I also told him I was disappointed that he wouldnt do this one thing. That it hurt me as it seemed like he didnt really want a baby.

    So he finally opened up and said he was embarrassed about the whole 'w@nking into a cup' thing and that he would feel different if he found out something was wrong with his swimmers.

    Not sure if you are seeing a FS but maybe at an appointment you can get the Dr to speak with him about it....thats its not about being less of a man its about being proactive and seeing if there is a problem to get it fixed.

    Its the one peice to teh puzzle....and 5 mins of embarrasment and the puzzle is complete!

    With getting the sample I had to 'help' DP...was the only way it was going to happen and he felt much better about that.

    My advise is just to sit down and tell him everything. Tell him how its making you feel. Tell him to be honest with you about it. But most of tell him you love him and its because of that love that you want him to help make your family complete.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Sorry to hear your having a hard time. I had a friend with the same problem, men can be such babies
    She had a chat/cry/hysterical screaming match, and he realised she really did want kids.
    So he did the test and in the end the ivf that he initially said he wouldn't on the condition that they never tell anyone- (a little white lie on her part) it was a really big deal for him that no one knows.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default Re: How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Hugs hun. Would he agree to see a GP for initially blood work. The GP might have a way of talking to him?

    We are doing IVF mostly due to MFI so I can sympathise with you. It was hard for my DB to know that he had an issue.

    Alternatively you could get him to a naturopath as a easy way into talking to an external person.. Not so medical?

    My DB said he wasnt willing to do a few things in the inital phases of our treatment but now he has seen a doctor and learnt about infertility he is much more open. He also told his closest friends and they were all so good that it really helped x

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    My husband refused to go to the clinic etc to be tested but was ok with me organizing a sample to be done, bringing the cup home, me getting the sample & then me rushing the cup to the clinic to be tested. Would he maybe consent to that seen as then he doesnt have to feel weird in front of the staff at the doctors??

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Karenjanef View Post
    My husband refused to go to the clinic etc to be tested but was ok with me organizing a sample to be done, bringing the cup home, me getting the sample & then me rushing the cup to the clinic to be tested. Would he maybe consent to that seen as then he doesnt have to feel weird in front of the staff at the doctors??
    My DH was the same so I did this also.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)

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    Default How to convince DH to have fertility testing done?

    We were referred to fs based on my gp suspecting pcos and my dh was never tested, but 6 months later close friends got a referral to same fs and her dh felt much better thinking my dh had already been through the same thing(it was only after he found out mine didn't), so I agree on if you know anyone who has been there already to talk to.

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    Shoopuf  (16-09-2012)


 

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