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  1. #21
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    Default Worry about friends parenting skills!

    I had a friendship similar to this - in a very quick summary people like this I believe will only change when something bad happens to their child!

    I would report to DOCS, as hard as it is, would you rather potentially lose the friendship or one of her children be seriously injured or die?

  2. #22
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    Yes always tempting to nip down to the shops when DS is sleeping, naturally I don't.

    Maybe when she brings up her morning runs with you, you could just slip in something like 'wow, you know that's the kind of stuff my DH has to deal with when people make reports, I'd be re-thinking that a bit'.

    She honestly might not know that this is not the best thing to be doing and as PP said, when you're not coping you're not thinking straight. Maybe, it's her only time to herself and she's craving it so badly it's clouded her judgement.

  3. #23
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    I would ditch her as a friend .. I couldn't be friends with someone as dumb as that .. And report her to docs ... She has kids it's not about her anymore .. Those kids need a adult to look after them as a proper adult should ...

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    Default Re: Worry about friends parenting skills!

    I'm a mandatory reporter and this is definitely reportable and I would report it if I was you. What if something happened to those kids you would never forgive yourself. You may lose your friendship but is that more important than the safety of the kids. Maybe mention something to her and say your concerned about the safety of the kids but I would still report it. She'll just get support to help her patenting skills they won't take the kids off her for that.

    As for people talking about leaving kids at home alone in the docs mandatory reporters guide it says from 8 they can be left for 2hrs max as long as they are in a safe place and have instructions they are able to follow to remain safe. It steps up from there. Between 5-7 its actually still within hearing.

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  6. #25
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    i would definitely speak to her first, don't just go behind her back.

    i'm in such a similar situation, my bf lives on a huge farm. she has a very laid back parenting style which i totally respect (i myself am quite laid back compared to most) her kids are 9, 7, 5 and 3 and the 9yo is very responsible.

    she leaves the kids at home by themselves at night (they are usually asleep) so her hubby and she go shooting. i can understand that is a part of their life and the culture growing up in the wheatbelt/farming life.
    they have always had free run of the property, playing outside, very inquisitive etc. and i can respect her choices but there are two things that bother me.

    they burn off and the 5yo loves starting fires. she went to drop off the older kids at the bus and came home to him lighting fires in the garage
    the other is they all go down to the dam and play by themselves. i just think it is unfair for the responsibility to be on a 9yo around water. you can't see the dam from the house, there are trillions of snakes etc.

    i have told her what i thought and she listened. it hasn't affected our friendship at all.

  7. #26
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    You can report anonymously, she doesn't have to know it was you. She may still put it together that it was you but others might also know how irresponsible she is. You need to think of those kids and if it costs you the friendship that's better than one or both those kids being harmed in some way.

  8. #27
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    Default Worry about friends parenting skills!

    I would definitely talk to her first before reporting her - as she is such a good friend I think she deserves this.

    If she doesn't change anything then I would report her.

    Either way you risk losing her but at least the kids will hopefully be safe.

  9. #28
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    I would sit down and talk with her..is your DH close to her at all? Could he talk to her? I can imagine it would put him in a very hard position. The things you have listed are all very dangerous, as everyone has pointed out, but you need to get those kids some help. How awful if something happened. They're only poor little mites who need someone to get something through her head. I love going for a run, but I would never leave DD on her own. I have nightmares about her being on her own, and not knowing where I am. There is something not switched on with her in the caring role of a parent.
    halloweendee, that makes me shudder. Yeah, let's leave our kids alone and go out with guns and possibly die. I grew up rurally and we were left to our own devices. It wasn't good, and it landed us in the ER way too many times, although it wasn't the ER, it was the ambulance station, back in the olden days. Oh really, I should just stop thinking about all of the horrible things that happened because my parents were too lazy to supervise us properly, kind of ruined my life.

  10. #29
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    Default Worry about friends parenting skills!


  11. #30
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    Default Worry about friends parenting skills!

    Oh that's a hard spot to be in, I guess she's laid back but there's a fine line between letting your kids learn for themselves and putting them in danger. I know someone who takes her kids on holidays - no fuss - to Thailand all the time... I was impressed till I asked what she feeds her 7 months old when there... street food!! I was shocked and horrified!!
    You need to take the risk of losing a friend and be honest with her, maybe she doesn't see it from her position but as an outsider tell her you think her behavior is dangerous. Going for a run I think that her choice, tho I'd be worried about someone scoping out her routine, figuring out that she regularly leaves her kids at home alone and kidnapping them... But my mum would leave me alone sleeping while she'd go buy milk or bread all the time, but I wouldn't I think it's just different times we live in, about the pool... there's no excuse!!! there's a million warning and plenty of sad stories she should know better!


 

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