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  1. #1
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    Default My story...

    Thought I would get this out there as I have been struggling lately. My DD is 4 months and an IVF baby. She was delivered via elective casearen due to anxiety about pain in a vaginal delivery (long story I won't go into). I had trouble breastfeeding for the first few weeks due to a massive oversupply, tear in the nipple and almost a bout of mastitis. Thankfully the blocked duct cleared but I was in a serious amount of pain for weeks and crying before and during every feed. I tried nipple shields, lactation consultants etc and now breastfeeding is good

    Fast forward a few weeks and I went to bed one night at 8pm as DD was having 2-3 hourly feeds at this stage and I was crazily exhausted. I lay there till 10pm and couldn't sleep. From then... a cycle has developed where I am afraid that I wont sleep. I spend forever getting to sleep, used to lie awake between feeds (DD now mostly sleeps through or we have one feed) and get myself into such an anxious, hysterical mess that all these horrible thoughts enter my mind and I convince myself that I am going crazy, getting seriously depressed etc. I booked myself into see a sleep psychologist and we developed a schedule that improved my sleep but then I had a couple of bad nights and my anxiety about this worsened. I feel sick all day about this. I went to the GP and she prescribed temazapan if I needed only a couple times a week (please don't enter into a discussion about the effects of this drug on breastfeeding as I have talked about this with my GP). I used it the night after seeing the GP and slept 8 hours... I tried to go without it last night but lay there attempting to do breathing exercises etc. and caved and took it and slept six hours. Now I'm scared that I won't ever sleep without it as the night before I took it I only slept 3 hours ish. And then scared that I'll get addicted...

    I'm on a waiting list for a sleep clinic where they wire you up to see what's happening and then address it. I also had bloods done to see if anything hormonal is going on as I am lying there at night now not even feeling tired. Results come in Monday.

    I guess I'm not looking for solutions as I feel I'm doing everything I can but wondering if anyone else has gone through this and got better? I have all these crazy thoughts at night about being like this forever, DH is better off without me, never sleeping again, not ever being able to have another baby etc...

    I do things during the day to lift my mood and DD is cared for. Although I have told some friends, no one would know this is going on as somehow I manage to look rested!

    Anyway... Just looking for reassurance I guess

  2. #2
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    Default My story...

    Giant

  3. #3
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    Default My story...

    Thank you.

  4. #4
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    Wow, you poor thing. Firstly, congratulations!! And well done for pushing on with the breatfeeding! You sound like an amazing mother

    I can honestly say that I have no idea what youre Going through so excuse me if my advice seems ignorant.

    Sleep breeds sleep. Take the temaz, get yourself rested, and hopefully everything else will fall in to place. There might also be some underlying issue as to why youre unable to go to sleep so counselling might be helpful.

    Rest when you can. And relaxtion exercises can help clear your mind.

    When DD was born, i struggled to go to sleep, and if i did fall asleep it would be very light. I was paranoid that DD was going to choke or stop breathing. After a while, i was so exhausted that i found it difficult to look after her. DF took over for three nights so I could sleep and bought me a movement sensor monitor which alarms if she stops breathing. It has given me amazing peace Im not saying that this is your issue, but what im saying is that you need rest and you need to fix the cause of your anxiety.

    I really hope things improve for you xx

  5. #5
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    Default My story...

    Thank you. I'm not stressed about DD as I know she's fine. I think that there is something underlying all this as its been a very stressful year for us and up until now I've almost coped a bit too well... I am very proud of myself for persisting with bf and thought I could get through anything after that. I think maybe I need to give myself a break and take the meds and not worry about getting addicted... Lying there crying hysterically is not going to help me sleep anyway...

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    Exactly. Plus, it takes long term use to become addicted anyway. Best of luck

  7. #7
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    Default My story...

    That's my problem I guess... I can't see a way out of this at the moment so I worry about long term use. But hoping I get into the sleep clinic in between!

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    Default My story...

    HUGE hugs! I can relate to this so much as I used to have a MASSIVE fear of not being able to sleep. it consumed me and my day to day life.
    I am not sure what tips to give you as I'm sure your psychologist has given you all the tips I have already. just massive hugs hun! xx

  9. #9
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    Thank you mamasmurfs... Actually I don't think the current psych is helping me too much which is why I am planning to go to the sleep clinic. Would be very interested in knowing what worked for you??

  10. #10
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    Default My story...

    Minnie I have no advice just hundreds of hugs xxx


 

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