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  1. #1
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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    This is just a rant into cyberspace because I'm feeling utterly miserable

    My husband's parents are staying with us to meet their new grandson who is a month old. We asked them to leave it this long so we could get the hang of parenting before having people staying here. They've made a few comments to my hubby about how they were much more flexible when they had kids, and that they did it four times so we have nothing to complain about, and that they did it much tougher with second hand furniture etc.

    As you can imagine, I'm sleep deprived and our little boy is very sensitive to unusual activities, gets over stimulated and then can't settle. He will tense his little body and scream for hours. To top it off I have nipple thrush which is making feeding agony. My breasts are so sore I can hardly sleep. We are also having some attachment issues on one side which makes my nipple pain a million times worse as he pulls away repeatedly. I've seen a lactation consultant 3 days ago and we are treating the thrush and attachment issues, but at this stage I'm feeling no improvement.

    I've had a number of teary days since we came home from hospital, mostly related to feeling stressed about making the house nice for visitors and stressed about missing opportunities for day sleeps when the baby sleeps. The nipple thrush and attachment issues have been quietly bothering me emotionally, as it does make me feel like a bit of a failure and really makes feeding a miserable experience.

    So now the inlaws are here. They initially said they would stay a couple of days but are now talking about staying almost a week. My husband can't see an issue with this as they are not likely to get to see our son often due to distance. I recognise that they have a right to spend time with their grandson but he's so little and his awake time is (or should be!) so short. Last night his grandfather basically woke him from a half sleep to play with him and to "see his eyes". Needless to say after a few hours of being constantly passed around he was a screaming mess which meant I spent the whole of dinner time in our room trying to settle him. I'm really worries that this is going to take its toll while they're here.

    Last night thankfully my hubby cooked a BBQ and my amazing mum brought a salad over for everyone. They sat at the table and were waited on by my hubby and my mum while I tried to console the baby. I came out and ate later and then had to clear the table and do the dishes etc all while they sat there. I got into bed at 10pm (have been trying to go to bed when the baby does, so 7-8pm on a good day) and cried and cried for hours, then cried for more hours after the night time feed, so I feel like I've had no sleep at all.

    I just feel so intruded upon and can't believe they're here expecting us to wait on them.

    They've given us a heap of ancient stuff, including feisty old stuffed toys and one of those old cane baskets with handles that babies used to be carried around in 40 years ago, expecting that we might have a use for this stuff. Without offending them by refusing it or throwing it away, we are now stuck with storing all this stuff...what on earth am I supposed to do in this situation?

    To sum this up, my teary and miserable reaction to their stay makes me now reflect on the possibility that I'm teetering on the edge of PND. I've been coping by making sure I get decent sleep when I can, putting no pressure on myself to cook etc, and now I am looking at the next five days of having an over stimulated baby and the expectation that I will cook and clean, plus coping with the pain and difficulties of feeding and feeling uncomfortable about daytime sleeping with guests in the house and it's making me feel like I can't cope at all. I have tears pouring down my face as I type this, locked away in our bedroom where my hubby thinks I'm sleeping. Last night when everyone was sleeping I really had to fight the most insane urge to just walk out of the house.

    Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Do you think this sounds like the edge of PND? I don't know what I can do but just ride their visit out

  2. #2
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    Oh hun, big hugs!

    I had nipple pain when feeding for about 6 weeks, then in magically stopped, but each time bubs latched on I would kick me feet in pain. Perhaps try a nipple shield? But do know it gets better and well done for sticking with it!

    I would say to your hubbys family "It's so nice you've come to help out. I really appreciate it as I'm very tired and now can focus on feeding bubs and giving them what bubs needs" Hopefully they will get the hint and pick up their act.

    Write out a schedule for bubs and stick it on the fridge, stating awake time is strictly 45 mins and then quiet time for settling, make out as if the MCHN or lactation consult has said sticking to it is a MUST for the health of bubs to make sure they are feeding and sleeping appropriately.

    Ask DH to take them out sight seeing A LOT so you can rest at home.

    It maybe the start of PND, talk to your doc or MCHN for help, don't leave it and see, the earlier you start treatment, the better for you and bubs. I waited 4 months and those first four months of DS life were a blur


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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    You poor thing I just wanted to send some hugs. When I had dd, my in-laws came out from the uk to visit and has planned to be here on her due date!! Luckily dd was 2 weeks early so we had 2 weeks to settle in. I was pretty upfront with dh about it. We have a small house with only one bathroom so I was adamant that they would not be staying with us while I was still 'bleeding' and needing help getting in and out of the shower. (emergency c-section). He was funny about it first but I stuck to my guns and told him I would not have them staying with us or
    I would go stay at my mums with dd. Dh mum is a smoker so I also told Dh to make her wash her hands before cuddling dd. I Iove my inlaws but I was pretty sick myself from the birth and needed to focus on my baby! They were here for 2 weeks and I was very clear about what I was comfortable and not comfortable doing. Be strong op!! They will be gone soon and you will be back to being able to focus on your little one. I think you should be honest with your dh about how you are feeling. He may not realise the impact it's having on you and sometimes they need a bit of a wakeup call!!

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    Default Re: PND? Inlaws visiting

    aw massive hugs, that sounds so hard. It's difficult to know if it's PND our not, it's so early for you, but the no 1 thing for you to focus on is get as much sleep as you can. have you spoken to your dh, does he know how desperate you feel? I think that should be your starting point, tell him you are exhausted and upset, and he needs to coordinate the house jobs in whatever way he can, doing it himself or getting the ils to help. Use the phrase "I need" a lit, and use it with emphasis. I need rest, I need to not worry about the dishes, I need fil to not wake the baby, I need day rest. put your foot down, give it 24 hours to see if things change, and then say sorry, I'm going to stay at my mums (can you do that?).

    They sound completely inconsiderate/clueless and you don't have to tolerate it in your own home massive hugs

    ETA good luck with the bf issues, and as for the "gifts" I would quietly dispose if them after they leave.

    **Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**
    Last edited by Gothel; 15-09-2012 at 09:15.

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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    CountryGirl, this was EXACTLY what happened to me when I had my first child. DH & I lived OS and we'd asked his mum to come stay straight after the birth, thinking she'd be a good help. But all I wanted to do was bond with my baby and do all the little baby care things I'd been longing to do for the past 9m and settle into this beautiful new little family life we now had. I spent days running into our bedroom to bawl my eyes out because I was so post-natally emotional and felt embarrassed doing it in front of my MIL. Eventually I had to ask my DH to nicely tell his mum to leave early and come back another time. She was so gracious about it, bless her. I was also scared I had PND but my ob-gyn said it was normal to feel that way for a while after the birth because of hormonal changes & sleep deprivation. There were no PND support services where we were though (eek!) but fortunately things improved for me pretty quickly after she left and I could start to find my own way as a mother. You know the worst thing? My MIL is the most wonderful person. We had a good chat about it later & she was so lovely. Bottom line is don't suffer in silence - start by talking to your DH. Take care xx

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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    They sound completely inconsiderate/clueless and you don't have to tolerate it in your own home massive hugs
    This!

    If i were you, I would not be busting my chops to make the place tidy for them! As they've been there and done that four times themselves, they can't surely expect the house to be pristine all the time. And considerate family members should definitely help out the host, ESPECIALLY one who's just had a baby!

    I'd be playing them at their own game. If DH doesn't have the nackers to say something a out it to his parents, then you should just do as you want - sleep when you need to, leave the housework until you have spare time to do it (perhaps they'll eventually get the hint and help out)!!

    As for the PND, did you feel overwhelmed/teary before the in laws came to stay?

    I'm not too familiar with breast feeding issues but I do remember someone telling me that stress can limit your milk supply.

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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    Hugs xxx
    I would just not do any housework at all if I were you. Your dh or in laws can do that. Your not the only adult in the house.
    In regards to PND, you are still early days, hormones are still going crazy and are responsible for they way you are feeling. Once in laws go, take some to relax and see how you feel. There are so many changes happening in all aspects of your life, no one can be expected to be perfect.

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    Default Re: PND? Inlaws visiting

    Yep, such are the joys of inlaws :-( Hang I'm there... They'll be gone soon enough xox

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    Default Re: PND? Inlaws visiting

    Hugs. I think the best thing you can do is show your DP this thread. If you don't feel you can explain properly then leave a magazine open to a PND article and make sure they see it.
    I did this and DH was stunned to see I had been making off bits of it that I had been feeling.
    Kicked him up the butt.

    Hope you get it sorted out. For you and your bub.

    Sent from my LG-P500 using BubHub

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    Default PND? Inlaws visiting

    Huge hugs!
    To me it sounds more like you just being extremely overwhelmed and in you're current situation that's completely normal! I would be really fuming if my IL's expected that.

    You're probably feeling this way because everything is new to you and all of these issues are building up.
    If it continues though speak to your GP. I'd also talk to hubby about how you're feeling and maybe get him to take them out for a day so you can get a good sleep.

    Hope you're feeling better soon xo


 

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