This is just a rant into cyberspace because I'm feeling utterly miserable
My husband's parents are staying with us to meet their new grandson who is a month old. We asked them to leave it this long so we could get the hang of parenting before having people staying here. They've made a few comments to my hubby about how they were much more flexible when they had kids, and that they did it four times so we have nothing to complain about, and that they did it much tougher with second hand furniture etc.
As you can imagine, I'm sleep deprived and our little boy is very sensitive to unusual activities, gets over stimulated and then can't settle. He will tense his little body and scream for hours. To top it off I have nipple thrush which is making feeding agony. My breasts are so sore I can hardly sleep. We are also having some attachment issues on one side which makes my nipple pain a million times worse as he pulls away repeatedly. I've seen a lactation consultant 3 days ago and we are treating the thrush and attachment issues, but at this stage I'm feeling no improvement.
I've had a number of teary days since we came home from hospital, mostly related to feeling stressed about making the house nice for visitors and stressed about missing opportunities for day sleeps when the baby sleeps. The nipple thrush and attachment issues have been quietly bothering me emotionally, as it does make me feel like a bit of a failure and really makes feeding a miserable experience.
So now the inlaws are here. They initially said they would stay a couple of days but are now talking about staying almost a week. My husband can't see an issue with this as they are not likely to get to see our son often due to distance. I recognise that they have a right to spend time with their grandson but he's so little and his awake time is (or should be!) so short. Last night his grandfather basically woke him from a half sleep to play with him and to "see his eyes". Needless to say after a few hours of being constantly passed around he was a screaming mess which meant I spent the whole of dinner time in our room trying to settle him. I'm really worries that this is going to take its toll while they're here.
Last night thankfully my hubby cooked a BBQ and my amazing mum brought a salad over for everyone. They sat at the table and were waited on by my hubby and my mum while I tried to console the baby. I came out and ate later and then had to clear the table and do the dishes etc all while they sat there. I got into bed at 10pm (have been trying to go to bed when the baby does, so 7-8pm on a good day) and cried and cried for hours, then cried for more hours after the night time feed, so I feel like I've had no sleep at all.
I just feel so intruded upon and can't believe they're here expecting us to wait on them.
They've given us a heap of ancient stuff, including feisty old stuffed toys and one of those old cane baskets with handles that babies used to be carried around in 40 years ago, expecting that we might have a use for this stuff. Without offending them by refusing it or throwing it away, we are now stuck with storing all this stuff...what on earth am I supposed to do in this situation?
To sum this up, my teary and miserable reaction to their stay makes me now reflect on the possibility that I'm teetering on the edge of PND. I've been coping by making sure I get decent sleep when I can, putting no pressure on myself to cook etc, and now I am looking at the next five days of having an over stimulated baby and the expectation that I will cook and clean, plus coping with the pain and difficulties of feeding and feeling uncomfortable about daytime sleeping with guests in the house and it's making me feel like I can't cope at all. I have tears pouring down my face as I type this, locked away in our bedroom where my hubby thinks I'm sleeping. Last night when everyone was sleeping I really had to fight the most insane urge to just walk out of the house.
Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Do you think this sounds like the edge of PND? I don't know what I can do but just ride their visit out