I am just looking at photos and videos of my DS' first year (instead of studying which is what I'm supposed to be doing). I'm just so sad for both of us that I spent that year so depressed. He missed out on having a happy and engaged mother - I don't think I even talked to him that often, although I honestly can't remember. I feel so guilty. I feel so sad that I didn't enjoy that precious first year - I missed out on appreciating his cuteness and his babyhood so much.
I also think I am getting depressed again. I was fine during my pregnancy with DS but came off my ADs when I got pregnant this time. It's hard to know how much of it is from my marriage problems, but I think I need to go back on the ADs. Which makes me feel like a failure, even though logically I know that's ridiculous.
Just had to get that out, thanks for reading.