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  1. #1
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    Default Whinge

    I have a 19-month-old with my Ex. We were together for 4 years and then have been on and off for the past 5. We don't live together, but spend a lot of time as a 'family'. It has gotten to the point where things are just not working and we are fighting constantly, which is the last thing I want my son around. Anyway, things came to a head when we had a fight and he told me he felt like stabbing me. The week before he had a few drinks, started talking about things from many years ago that we have gone over and over, and got so angry he 'had to leave before he did something he regretted'. Anyway, we are not good for each other.

    So for obvious reasons we aren't spending any time together, and I'm worried my son is going to be impacted. FOB had been staying over for a couple of weeks, so the last few days my son asks for him in the morning, and occasionally when he wakes at night. I think I may be over thinking things but reading Peepo tonight I was freaking out about reading a story about a mummy and daddy getting the baby ready for bed.

    If anyone has had similar issues with FOB when their children are old enough to know something is going on, but way to small to comprehend.. any advice?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Whinge

    I am experiencing similar things but dp lives with me.

    He gets angry, i am to scared to address any problems as he storms off or says he is going to kill himself or the other day kept repeatedly telling me to **** off and if i didnt **** off he was going to destroy our dss stuff.

    Ds was awake and walked into the room, pushed his father in the stomach and said f off to him and kept saying it, dp kept saying it too even though i said stop saying that.

    when he heard ds say it he said thats YOUR fault for making me so angry.

    I have no idea where to go from here as the first question out of dss mouth is where's daddy and I know his father will barely see him if we split but i also fear ds is learning these behaviours as 'normal' if i stay

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    Oh wow, that is very similar. That must be awful to have to live with. I get the suicide threats as well, and there has been some pretty awful self-harm in the past. Thats so sad that your son had to witness that. My son started chatting/laughing/trying to distract us when we were fighting the other day, it was really heartbreaking.

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    Default Re: Whinge

    Its hard to know what to do isnt it .
    Dp and i were ment to be ttc #2 and we had a huge talk last night,

    He does not like to accept he is at fault when he goes ape sh!t so at first got angry.

    It wasnt til i said to him that i love him but the only thing keeping me with him at this moment was our ds that he started to see some sense and accept that he is responsible for his actions.

    He is being nice for now but we'll see.

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    Default Whinge

    I completely respect the fact that I am not the one living in either of your situations and cannot possibly fathom what you both must be feeling like, but what you are both putting up with is just completely unacceptable!! I mean this is just complete & utter emotional blackmail and these blokes have you in the palm of their hands until you decide to be strong enough for both yourselves & your children to not put up with that cr@p anymore!! I find this just disturbing for you both and am even more disturbed for your children and the potential for ongoing damage if you stay to endure more of these sorts of behaviours. Surely it would be better in the long term to end these negative relationships, it can't be good for the psyche!!

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    It really is. Hopefully your partner will really consider what you've told him and start taking some responsibility. I just get so frustrated when FOB brings up the same crap from years ago, and its not even things that anyone else considers a big deal. I know I push his buttons, but I think if he actually wants to hurt me then I can't be around him. If there were no kids involved I think our situations would seem a lot easier to fix.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Tainted For This Useful Post:

    intruderalert1234  (13-09-2012)

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    I agree, Becster.. but then I feel guilty about my child missing out on having a 'family' etc. I think sometimes everything gets so overwhelming it is really hard to make decisions that should be easy.

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    Default Re: Whinge

    Quote Originally Posted by Tainted View Post
    I agree, Becster.. but then I feel guilty about my child missing out on having a 'family' etc. I think sometimes everything gets so overwhelming it is really hard to make decisions that should be easy.
    Yeah,
    For me its that i know if I leave ds will be sad, he cries now when his daddy isn't here to tuck him into bed and if he has.left for work before ds.gets. up he runs around the house going daddy? Daddy? I cant find daddy! And cries and cries if i say daddy isnt here bubby.

    We have only been back and together since febuary after living apart for 12 months, i wanted to try again because in theory ds would be 'to young' to notice if we split again .

    He has been good until.the last month when.its all just exploded again

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    Default Whinge

    Gosh I have no doubt that it's totally complicated for you!! Nobody would ever truly wish to 'take away' a child from a parent. For the child's sake I mean. But personally I just could not succumb to those sorts of threats! Not to mention a stressed household does nothing good for your little fella either. For me, completely unemotional & unattached to your situation, it's easy. Stop being a pawn in his games. You wouldn't let your child get away with threats to get what they want, so he shouldn't either!! Take all the emotion out (as hard as it is), and figure out what you would do. I'm sure if a friend came to you asking advice, you would say not to let them get away with that sort of behaviour. He will soon change his tune if you stand up to him!! It just takes a little bit of courage and strength. For me, (

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    Default Whinge

    Sorry! For me, I have no issues helping somebody, or sticking by someone if they need my help, but don't ever threaten me. I won't ever be held responsible in that way IYKWIM.


 

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