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  1. #31
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    Actually - I went through something quite similar. But the little boy was always targeting my DS, he was so agro and really quite violent towards him. To the point of scratching him, trying to scratch his eyes and pulling his hair. The other mother just would never do anything. And if she did it would be a "don't do that sweet heart" give him a cuddle type thing. It got to the point where my DS was literally terrified of this kid, he would start to shake whenever we would see him and he would hide. The mother thought her child was perfect, amazing and overly intelligent. It drove me crazy. Anyhow - one day I caught this little boy alone in my 4 week old twins room trying to smother one of them. I told the mother and she did the whole "sweetie, we don't do that".

    I basically had to cut myself off from them. It sounds harsh - but I didn't trust her child and I didn't trust her to do the right thing either.

    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle_N View Post
    Thats my issue.....I too would be mortified and would be apologising over and over.

    But I just dont know how to tell another parent off so to speak. She is a lovely lady and her kids walk all over her. Its like she has given up? Dunno....but I just dont have it in myself to tell her that her kids behaviour sucks. A stranger I would have no issues with but someone i know....sigh....

    I do like the suggestions to speak to the kids (within ear shot of parents) in a clear calm voice so at least the parent can see whats happening so if it happens again I can go to the parent.

    Ugh just hate doing this!!!

  2. #32
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    I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you feel...

    We've started school this year and it's an eye opener. I have always been pretty strict, but fair with my kids. Most of my friends and mothers group are the same. We've never really had an issue until school.

    I am finding that I am picking my kids up on things and parents let their kids do things. Look, I know everyone has different parenting ideas etc. But letting kids speak rude to other adults and kids, being nasty, using sticks as a weapon, oh my lordy?!?!?! So what I'm finding is that I'm disciplining my child but some other parents are perfectly ok with their child doing the above. My child sees/hears me talk to them and then see's a school friend do the same or worse and it's ok. This is what i'm struggling with at the moment, it's complete mixed signals..... I don't know what to do. I do honestly get that we all have differents ideas of what's right and wrong, but what I've mentioned I thought most would be on the same page?!?!?

    ETA I actually started a thread a couple of weeks ago, similar to this very topic about one particular incident. I don't know how to link it though.

  3. #33
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    Wow. I would have loudly said to my DD in front of their mother so she could hear "Do not play with that child.. they obviously think it's okay to bite and slap people and we don't play with other children like that". No way I'd put up with that. I'd be embarrassed if my kid did that

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Actually - I went through something quite similar. But the little boy was always targeting my DS, he was so agro and really quite violent towards him. To the point of scratching him, trying to scratch his eyes and pulling his hair. The other mother just would never do anything. And if she did it would be a "don't do that sweet heart" give him a cuddle type thing. It got to the point where my DS was literally terrified of this kid, he would start to shake whenever we would see him and he would hide. The mother thought her child was perfect, amazing and overly intelligent. It drove me crazy. Anyhow - one day I caught this little boy alone in my 4 week old twins room trying to smother one of them. I told the mother and she did the whole "sweetie, we don't do that".

    I basically had to cut myself off from them. It sounds harsh - but I didn't trust her child and I didn't trust her to do the right thing either.
    Oh my goodness!!! That is terrible. I would've done the same thing as you.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Actually - I went through something quite similar. But the little boy was always targeting my DS, he was so agro and really quite violent towards him. To the point of scratching him, trying to scratch his eyes and pulling his hair. The other mother just would never do anything. And if she did it would be a "don't do that sweet heart" give him a cuddle type thing. It got to the point where my DS was literally terrified of this kid, he would start to shake whenever we would see him and he would hide. The mother thought her child was perfect, amazing and overly intelligent. It drove me crazy. Anyhow - one day I caught this little boy alone in my 4 week old twins room trying to smother one of them. I told the mother and she did the whole "sweetie, we don't do that".

    I basically had to cut myself off from them. It sounds harsh - but I didn't trust her child and I didn't trust her to do the right thing either.
    That's disgusting. WTF is wrong with some parents?

  6. #36
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    My friends and I use similar terms (our kids are a bit younger I think), we'll say 'not cool' and 'cut it out' to each others kids, we'll also restrain them if need be, but I leave the follow up to the parents and they do follow it up, I don't mind my kids being exposed to bad examples of behaviour, but I do mind that behaviour hurting them, so if it came to that I'd go elsewhere/cut the friendship.

  7. #37
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    Default Re: How/when could you/should you discipline someone else's child?

    DD3 has been going through a stage where she is playing roughly with the other kids at school pick up. I don't have an issue with other parents pulling her up on it if I don't happen to see it. What I have had an issue with was another parent approaching me in a hostile manner. I am only one woman, and was dealing with my then 6 month old who had just spewed all over me, surely a polite 'look your daughter just tried to push my daughter down the slide' would have been a much nicer thing to say, than to yell at me 'your daughter is a bully of a child and was putting her hands on my daughter'. I disciplined my child (made her sit next to me for the rest of the time we were waiting and no playing for the next week and a half) but this woman still continues to give me greasies. It's to the point that I can't wait to move so I never have to see her again.
    Sorry, a bit of a rant from me.
    If I was in that situation OP, I probably would have sternly told the child hitting is not OK.

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  8. #38
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I've had a couple of little boys over lately that I've needed to discipline.
    One one occasion- O and J had a friend over and I heard the friend telling one of the little kids to 'shut up'. I called out from the kitchen. "Hey!Oliver and Jordan- we don't use that language in our family. You can say "I'd like to play with our friend by ourselves, or could you please be quiet" but you don't tell them to 'shut up'. (so I directed it at O and J... as I EXPECT them to stand up to their friend and say "we don't speak to each other like that" (which they DO... It's the battle I'm working on right now!,... the constant bullying that's going on!!!)

    Anyway... the little friend called up a few days later and said "Hi Gretel. I'm sorry for telling Gabriel to "Shut Up" at your house the other day.

    I was very proud of his maturity and courage, as I hadn't specifically 'roused' on 'him'. Points to his parents!!

    On the other occasion- I had one of Gabriel's friends over.. and they were playing rough and Jordan got bitten (how?? who knows!!) So I said to B... that he was in charge of making Jordan feel better because it was his teeth that made him hurt. So he got a cold washer and brought it to Jordan, and sat with him until Jord felt like playing again.

    But B has been a very close family friend for years.... so his Mum and I basically treat the boys like siblings/cousins.

    Last night B's Mum gave my boys a lecture on something too. lol.

  9. #39
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Quote Originally Posted by naget View Post
    I often slip into teacher mode and have no problem telling other children off if they are doing the wrong thing.
    I do this too .. and find myself saying "That is NOT okay! Separate. Thank you," or "walking." It's funny in my town as it's very small.. And I do supply teaching in al the schools... lol... so even when we're at the park or wherever on weekends If I see kids mucking up I reprimand them.... usually by name... "I can see you Tyler." poor kids.

  10. #40
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    Yep!

    I ALWAYS discipliine other kids - I couldn't ccare less what the other parents think. If I see kids being mean to each other, or to DS, I step in immediately. Actually, other kids seem to be far more likely to listen to a stranger than to their own parent!

    I don't care if DS isn't involved, I will still discipline kids....! These little boys were going up and down our street spraying coloured foam stuff on people's cars and when I pulled up I saw them eyeing off my car from a distance. I got out, got DS out and said to them very matter-of-factly 'hi boys <smile>... if you spray that stuff on my car you're dead meat, ok? bye now'... they didn't!

    And to the parent who said you encourage your child to go and hit back - shame on you! what is that teaching him/her??


 

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