I have not been on bubhub in a very long time . Im very scared of judgment regarding this post but I just can't keep it in anymore .
Without a shadow of a doubt my son has autism . I am 3/4 the way through a formal assessment but I don't need that piece of paper at the end to tell me what I already know . I KNOW. The health professionals who have so far finished their reports are in agreeance .
I am utterly heartbroken I really cannot BELIEVE how devastated I am . I'm crying daily and every waking moment I am obsessing about he's future . And I'm not so devastated because I feel like autism is some ungodly terrible affliction to be ashamed of . NOT.AT.ALL.
I'm devastated at how cruel the world can be to different people . ( Yes, I also know it can be incredibly kind too )
I'm devastated that I may never ever hear my sons beautiful voice . Or even know what it sounds like :-(
I'm devastated that he will get bullied.
Not make friends .
Not be included.
Not meet a life partner . Or have children . ( if that's what he wanted )
Im worried that he's sad he can't talk . That when he's around other kids who talk he wants to talk but can't :-(
- that he will NEVER talk. Never hear I love you mum or even the word mummy. This is killing me.
Omg my mind is a mess . I can't believe how bad I'm coping with this.
I know he's still my beautiful little boy and that has not changed , I know that . This child is the light of my life , he IS my life. I'm just so sad he may find life harder in so many areas.
I would love to hear positive stories if anyone is willing to share . How your children are doing ? In school? Some of their obstacles and how they've successfully overcome them ?
Is this normal I feel this way? I feel like other people seem to just go on their merry way after a diagnosis and cope with it just fine while I'm this weak mum who's just not handling it.
I know I'll accept it soon enough .
I lay in bed every night , shut my eyes and think about children that are unwell and suffering or terminally ill and I try to get perspective here, I really do . But it just doesn't change how I feel at this particular time about this so please please no one tell me to just be grateful for a healthy child because there's no words to describe how much I grateful to just have both my children healthy and alive with me here on earth . Of course that all that matters at the end of the day. But I feel how I feel .
Thanks in advance so very much if I get any replies.