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  1. #1
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    Default Opinions on courtesy aunts and uncles and DH cousin who tries to imply she is a siste

    Hi,

    Just wanted some opinions and advice on some stuff that is going to come up when our baby is born (due early January). DH's family does the whole courtesy aunts and uncles thing, so when close family friends are called aunts and uncles, or by grandparent names.
    I have a large family (my mum is one of 10) and therefore have heaps of genuine aunts and uncles and have never called anyone aunt or uncle who wasn't, funnily enough DH was raised that way too, it's only changed for the IL's later. Our poor kids have to get their heads around 30 genuine aunts and uncles alone (including great aunts and uncles). DH agrees with me that we need to avoid calling anyone who is not an aunt or uncle by that title.

    Here comes the bigger problem. DH has a cousin, who neither of us have any time for anyway, and in the last couple of years she has gotten closer to his parents and started calling them mum and dad, and referring to DH and his brothers as her brothers. Now this bugs me as it is, but my MIL and the cousin will expect her to be called Aunty ****** which I really don't think I can handle. She is not an aunty, she is a cousin, it will be hard enough to explain the family relations to our kids anyway, I'm 26 and still get it wrong. DH agrees with me but we both know that it will cause a massive sh!tstorm if we tell them that she is not going to be called Aunty.

    Don't know what to do

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    Default Opinions on courtesy aunts and uncles and DH cousin who tries to imply she is a siste

    Oh that's confusing... I come from a large family and I called my mums cousins who were obviously much older than I aunt and uncle because that was a respect thing. Same for my grandparents brothers and sisters, but I wouldn't call them nonno or nonna as that would be disrespectful to my grandparents... I don't know everyone did the same in our family so there really wasn't any confusion.
    When DD was born we have had some confusion on DH's side, where his aunt all of sudden became baba (which is grandma) and his sisters don't want to be called tetca (Aunty) we didn't say anything I think the kids will probably figure out who to call who what.
    If it really bugs you tho you should say something maybe along the lines of "oh I though you were grandma..." if you don't sort it out now you'll have a lifetime having to deal with it...

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    Grebbeci  (12-09-2012)

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    Default Opinions on courtesy aunts and uncles and DH cousin who tries to imply she is a siste

    I'm one who does the aunty/uncle thing with my best friends. Only my absolute closest though.

    My parents did the same thing and to this day I still call them Aunty/Uncle. I myself like it but I wouldn't expect the same in return.

    If you don't want to call her aunty - just don't refer to her as that. Just call her by her first name whenever addressing her in regards to bub. It's probably not worth the conflict ... She'll get the hint - and if not over time I'm sure you'll be saying her first name only more than she ever refers to herself as 'Aunty' anyway so it'll become the norm

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    Grebbeci  (12-09-2012)

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    I'm one that doesn't like my children to call friends "aunt" or "uncle" but have the generic that any family member a generation older than them (other than parents or grandparents) gets referred to as "aunt" or "uncle". Even their true cousins who were born 15+ years before them got referred to as "aunt" and "uncle". We saw it as a generic family title.

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    Grebbeci  (12-09-2012)

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    I had this problem too. I told my kids in front of them NO xyz is your second cousin therefore we call her xyz and not aunt.
    I refuse to allow anyone to call them aunt to me or my kids I corrected them every time. It took about a month for them give up on doing it.

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    Grebbeci  (12-09-2012)

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    This is going to sound bizarre and paranoid but only genuine Aunts and Uncles are called Aunts/Uncles. Friends are called by their first name. Simple as that. And whenver there is an introduction the person may say Hi I am 'Aunty whatever' if they are a friend but I will always correct and say 'thats mummy/daddys friend and his name is Bob'.

    I just cant get the whole pedophile thing out of my mind where they refer to themselves as 'Uncle So and So' so the kids think he must be safe as he is an 'Uncle'. I am sure I remember reading somewhere that to protect kids they need to know who is who is their family unit. Like I said its probably paranoid but I would hate for my kids to get confused....I hope that makes sense.

    *sigh* I probably sound like a whackjob

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    I guess the family will just have to deal with it. Your family so your rules! Just tell them that your children will only refer to real aunts and uncles in that manner.
    I personally find it odd to call anyone aunt or uncle. Its just first names in our family and will be for our children.

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    Grebbeci  (12-09-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle_N View Post
    This is going to sound bizarre and paranoid but only genuine Aunts and Uncles are called Aunts/Uncles. Friends are called by their first name. Simple as that. And whenver there is an introduction the person may say Hi I am 'Aunty whatever' if they are a friend but I will always correct and say 'thats mummy/daddys friend and his name is Bob'.

    I just cant get the whole pedophile thing out of my mind where they refer to themselves as 'Uncle So and So' so the kids think he must be safe as he is an 'Uncle'. I am sure I remember reading somewhere that to protect kids they need to know who is who is their family unit. Like I said its probably paranoid but I would hate for my kids to get confused....I hope that makes sense.

    *sigh* I probably sound like a whackjob
    I totally get that. I never called my parents friends aunts or uncles growing up. When I was little I only called a couple of my mums cousins aunt (my godmother and her sister) everyone else was just referred to as cousin Sam, or mums cousin Sam. Any great aunts or uncles were always aunty Beth because great aunty was too much of a mouthful. I'm close to a couple of cousins (out of 11) and we see them once a month so when I have kids those couple will probably be aunts and the others will just be 'mums cousin that we never see'. But I don't think it's right to use the term straight from birth, I wouldn't use it for my cousins for a few months at least, takes away the special meaning for my sister.
    Last edited by wannawannabe; 12-09-2012 at 10:09.

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    I think we are going to try and take the tact of just referring to her as xyz, without the Aunty and if/when someone says something about it then we will explain that due to the number of genuine aunts and uncles in the family then only actual aunts and uncles will be called as such.

    TBH it would probably not bug me so much if either of us had any sort of respect for her, but we don't.

    ETA - basically the deal will be aunts and uncles or great aunts and uncles will be referred to as aunts or uncles, cousins and close family friends get first names, acquaintances will get Mr or Mrs or Miss XYZ. I have 80+ cousins and second cousins on my mums side alone. Can you imagine calling them all aunt and uncle.
    Last edited by Grebbeci; 12-09-2012 at 10:12.

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    Oops missed the fact you have a tonne of real aunts already. Definitely then, refer to as cousin!! My future kids will only get one aunt, so the more the merrier!!

    Ps in terms of friends being uncles does anyone think of the old guy in Bridget jones diary?


 

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