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  1. #1
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    Default What now??? 5 years SAHM now don't know who I am!

    Maybe I'm being dramatic but now my eldest in school, youngest no longer baby (3) dp doesn't want anymore kids I feel like I dont know who I am anymore. I've been mum and just mum really for 5 years. That was good when the kids needed me full time 100% but they are growing in independence and I feel lost. I want to go back in time and have my babies back. It doesn't help that I emigrated here 4 years ago and have never worked in Australia and my work experience and qualifications don't have good fit with anything I can find so I'm obsessing about what courses/ jobs I could do. And so far I've spent hours and have come up with nothing that'll be stimulating and fit in with school hours etc.
    i just never made a long term plan I guess! What do other SAHM's do / plan to do at this stage? Money is a factor, but brain stimulation and the idea of doing something worthwhile or $$$$ so we could have great holidays ;-)

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    I could have written this post myself! Except for the emigration part I am pretty much in the exact same situation as you.

    Oldest is now 5, youngest is 3 and no babies for us.

    I almost feel like I dont know who I am anymore. Pre babies I was a bit of a workaholic and I would work 2 - 3 jobs and always keep busy but now I have no idea where to even start!

    I have got a casual job at a friends business (her dad owns a very popular burger joint in Perth) but its not stimulating by any means as its just customer service but its good to get out of the house 1 night a week.

    So I will be watching this thread very closely to see if any of you other ladies can give some suggestions

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    Can I subscribe too, apart from the emigration part I too am facing this and just don't know what to do. I do some part time work but it's not at all fulfilling, I have no hobbies and generally spend my life wishing for something more for me.

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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: What now??? 5 years SAHM now don't know who I am!

    This will be me next year. I have been thinking about it and talking to friends etc but haven't come up with anything yet that grabs me. I just don't know. A trusted friend assures me that if I keep looking, the right opportunity will present itself.
    Sorry, I'm not much help am I?

    **Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**

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    Default What now??? 5 years SAHM now don't know who I am!

    If you want to work maybe some home based business? I don't know what you're interested in but stuff like sewing, baking, research or even babysitting/pa for a family...
    My baby is still little but I would think being a sahm for older kids would be more demanding than looking after a baby... Steering and building their character, helping with school, sports, keeping tabs on them...

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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    If you want to work maybe some home based business? I don't know what you're interested in but stuff like sewing, baking, research or even babysitting/pa for a family...
    My baby is still little but I would think being a sahm for older kids would be more demanding than looking after a baby... Steering and building their character, helping with school, sports, keeping tabs on them...
    That's so true about them getting more demanding, they are, but they need me now more as a facilitator for their independent lives, whereas when they were babies our lives were completely intertwined. I think when they were totally dependent looking after them was enough for me, I love the baby stage, we did everything together as they needed me all the time. Now I sometimes feel like the house servant, cooking, cleaning for hubby who goes to his real life at work and kids who throw their crap around, complain about the food and just want lifts to friends/hobbies (ok not my 3 year old so much yet!).
    I sound so moany! There is lot that's great about my kids growing up and getting more independent and I know they need me for more than just looking after their basic need for food and shelter etc, I guess it's more that now they are gaining independence I need to find something for me. I guess I need to be more than just a home maker. I feel the longer my own happiness and self worth is dependent on my kids the harder it's going to get, I don't want to be super lonely doing mind numbing job when the kids are teens and never around!

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    Default What now??? 5 years SAHM now don't know who I am!

    How you said that your hubby goes to his real life meaning his job... I would hope family and the home to be the center of anyone's life, a job is just a job, it can be satisfying and fun but it can't possibly compare to a family. Honestly it sounds like you're not appreciated! If you want to do something outside the home I think it's great and absolutely not against working mothers I just think from what you're saying there's more to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    How you said that your hubby goes to his real life meaning his job... I would hope family and the home to be the center of anyone's life, a job is just a job, it can be satisfying and fun but it can't possibly compare to a family. Honestly it sounds like you're not appreciated! If you want to do something outside the home I think it's great and absolutely not against working mothers I just think from what you're saying there's more to it.
    No I agree no job would ever compare to family, my kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think my issue is that they became so central to my life I've forgotten how to be me. As time goes on the fun playing interacting seems to be getting replaced by housework! 5 and 3 year olds do not appreciate their mum! I guess the hubby comment is that after 5 years of 100% kids suburban life etc (without the family support since we emigrated) there's a bit of a gap forming in my life and sometimes I resent dp going to work and still having that other facet to his life. Which is a bit unfair as he works for money not fulfillment though I know he counldn't cut it at home full time either! I'm so conflicted. I complain about missing out on career etc but I don't want to put my 3 year old into long daycare or not be here pick up my daughter from school! Confused and conflicted that's me.

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    Maybe do some volunteer work or charity work .. Get you out of the house .. Finding your way to something you may enjoy

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    I have a 7 year old, a 3 year old and an 18 month old. I've been at home for 2 years, but have now just returned to work. I am a lawyer and hadn't planned on working as we moved to Perth when I was pregnant with #3, and with no family support wasn't sure how to make it work.

    However I've been going insane at home. I see alot of mums at school who don't work and have no idea what they do once they're kid's start school. I was offered a great job working school hours as a lawyer so I took it. Opportunities don't arise often so I had to take it when it was there.

    I was extremely conflicted about leaving DS1 (my youngest) as he's been home with me for so long. But we found a great nanny and it's working so far.

    Have you put your DD2's name on wait lists yet so you can at least have it up your sleeve in case something comes up? My DD2 is 3 and attends preschool 2 days a week which is great for her. Given it's September already is your DD2 going to kindy next year? Will that give you more time to work or study? Can you do more work at DD1's school? We have a very active P&C at dd1's school and I got involved in that this year which was great for getting involved.

    Other things I'd thought about doing before I went back to work were (a) getting really serious about getting fit again. I've always been very fit but 3 kids has worn me down and I'm nowhere near as fit as I was 8 years ago. It's a real goal for me to get that back and I've been doing half marathon training to help; (b) I really want to be better at cooking. I can cook but again cooking food for kids has basically killed the pleasure I used to get from cooking. I had intended to throw myself into cooking lessons next year if I wasn't working.

    Otherwise, google some volunteer work. You'd be amazed how many different roads that can lead you down.

    Can't think of anything else. I hope you find some answers.


 

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