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  1. #31
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    Why would she want to come anyway? I would rather stick pins in my eyes than attend the wedding of someone who disliked me. You will probably be doing her a favour if you don't invite her, if you do she might feel obligated to attend.

  2. #32
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    Default Bad etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I don't really think I can answer either way without more detail. Why do you dislike her? Does the couple know this? Is it simply not getting along or has she done something horrible? Etc.
    We had a big falling out while trying to help her with something that just led to constant messages of abuse and the same whenever we see her in public, neither of us hate her, we just don't want her in our life.
    They are both aware of the situation and DF's friend accepts why we want no contact.

  3. #33
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    Default Re: Bad etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    i think differently. I've never understood why you have to automatically invite partners. If you aren't friends with them, then why should you have to pay for them to attend your wedding. But I don't really 'do' all this wedding etiquette, so I'm not the best person to comment.
    This!
    I recently did the same thing, npt so much because we didn't like her, although that was a factor, but because they were on and off every second week. They've now completely split so it's good.

    We also didn't do plus 1 for our single guests as that would bump our guest list up by 30. We also didn't invite partners if theu were only together a really short time before the invites were printed. The way I see it, it's our wedding and I'd rather not spend the day wondering who certain guests were.

  4. #34
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    I don't think you have to invite her.

    If you're having a ginormous affair with hundreds of people then I'd be inclined to say you may as well, as it would keep the friend happy and you probably wouldn't notice her.

    But if it's somewhat smaller/ more personal then the last thing you want is to spend the day with someone who you know bears you ill will. She'd be there in all the photos, and it would add unnecessary tension/ upset to your day - as well as potentially damaging your memories of it.

    A couple of suggestions.

    Your DH (to be) could talk to his friend, and explain that numbers are really limited, you can't invite lots of people that you want to, and therefore whilst you really want HIM to be there, you've decided not to invite her - given the history, and given how ruthless you've had to be with the numbers (regardless of whether this is true). Say that you completely understand if he doesn't want to come, and that your intention is not to offend, but that's where you're up to.

    OR... Split the day so that you have the people who are invited to everything, and then extra people who are only invited to the evening festivities (post dinner). We did this, as we wanted a very small and intimate wedding, but then there were a lot of people that we invited from 8pm onwards to drink/ dance/ celebrate with us more informally. That's the norm in England (to be invited from 1pm onwards OR to be invited from 7.30pm onwards), but not sure if it's done as much over here? That means you could ask them both to the evening bit, but not the service.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsOhara View Post
    We had a big falling out while trying to help her with something that just led to constant messages of abuse and the same whenever we see her in public, neither of us hate her, we just don't want her in our life.
    They are both aware of the situation and DF's friend accepts why we want no contact.
    In this case I doubt she would be expecting one and neither would your DF's friend. A heads up to your DF's friend that she won't be invited and you're golden

  6. #36
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    Default Bad etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Why would she want to come anyway? I would rather stick pins in my eyes than attend the wedding of someone who disliked me. You will probably be doing her a favour if you don't invite her, if you do she might feel obligated to attend.
    She actually probably wouldn't come.

  7. #37
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    Default Bad etiquette?

    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I don't think you have to invite her.

    If you're having a ginormous affair with hundreds of people then I'd be inclined to say you may as well, as it would keep the friend happy and you probably wouldn't notice her.

    But if it's somewhat smaller/ more personal then the last thing you want is to spend the day with someone who you know bears you ill will. She'd be there in all the photos, and it would add unnecessary tension/ upset to your day - as well as potentially damaging your memories of it.

    A couple of suggestions.

    Your DH (to be) could talk to his friend, and explain that numbers are really limited, you can't invite lots of people that you want to, and therefore whilst you really want HIM to be there, you've decided not to invite her - given the history, and given how ruthless you've had to be with the numbers (regardless of whether this is true). Say that you completely understand if he doesn't want to come, and that your intention is not to offend, but that's where you're up to.

    OR... Split the day so that you have the people who are invited to everything, and then extra people who are only invited to the evening festivities (post dinner). We did this, as we wanted a very small and intimate wedding, but then there were a lot of people that we invited from 8pm onwards to drink/ dance/ celebrate with us more informally. That's the norm in England (to be invited from 1pm onwards OR to be invited from 7.30pm onwards), but not sure if it's done as much over here? That means you could ask them both to the evening bit, but not the service.
    Thanks Girl X that's definitely something to consider!

  8. #38
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    Sounds like the dislike is very mutual.

    It should come as no surprise to your DF's friend that you would both prefer it if she was not at the wedding.

    I think your DF should sit his mate down and ask him what he would think if he was invited without his girlfriend in tow. He may even assume that she isn't invited anyway?


 

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