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  1. #21
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    I understand - the bleeding is a constant reminder for me too. I just wish these physical reminders would go away so I could just focus on the emotional side of things. I'm still a non-functional crying mess so I think that means we're normal...for what that's worth. hugs.

  2. #22
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    Is your bleeding heavy some days, almost nothing other days?
    Mine is all over the place. I've never been a pad person either.... They feel so gross and dirty. I hate going to the toilet now. That's where I'm having most of my 'moments'.

    Work has been generally good. It's good to be busy again. My partner is away today and tomorrow so tonight is going to be really hard. I am feeling a long shower with tears coming on. And perhaps a trip for chocolate ice cream

  3. #23
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    Yep, and it's different "textures" on different days (hope that's not tmi). I'm the same as you - I never use pads otherwise so it's all very disgusting. My husband is on night shift so I've been recording loads of really stupid tv shows and watching them late at night. Also, I did up a memory box of my pregnancy and Isabelle which was sad but gave me some closure and something to do late at night.

  4. #24
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    I know what you mean about textures... I'm not normally someone who would discuss this kind of thing, but unless you do it seems it's so hard to know whether it's all normal and everything is so varied from person to person.

    A lady at work told me yesterday, she's been through 7 miscarriages before she got her one and only child. Some early pregnancy.... Some later and even with the daughter, there was a twin lost. It was good talking to her about it because she has been where I am and since then I've felt like I'm not completely alone and 'faulty'.

  5. #25
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    I could not read and not respond.
    I am sorry for your losses and you are all brave women, it must be very hard to make a decision like the one you had to *hugs*

    Though technically I have not had your experience I had to get my tube with a live pregnancy in it removed at 7 weeks so had seen a heartbeat, so to me it was a baby, my 1st (after 8 yrs) and I feel immensely sad and cry often and do not really want to see anyone. I did not even have DH's support as he is away at work.

    As for other people, so many people have no clue what to say and often say the wrong thing, I have heard it all in my 8 years and previous losses (even tho not viable pregs & failed IVF attempts)

    The day my last IVF results came back unsuccessful my SIL rocked up with her DD & said I want to speak to you ... thought she would say something supportive but nope it was about getting her child into the Montessori childcare I taught at so much for sensitivity!
    She has just had #2 and I have had nothing from her since she found out I was pregnant and that we ended up losing it.

    Sorry but some people are just sh*ts and have no clue or decency or anything.
    Ignore them, its hard when its your own family but there is nothing you can do about it.

    Those who have not been through our pain have no concept of the sense of loss and the grief that overtakes our lives.

    days/weeks/months or years whatever time we had with our babies it does not matter a loss is a loss and no one gets it

    once again sorry for your losses ... be kind to yourselves

  6. #26
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    It's been four weeks now...

    I'm getting kicking feelings every now and again It makes me want to cry everytime.

    I'm finding things harder to deal with as time goes by because I feel like I should be 'over it' or at least that everyone else expects that.


    I was so depressed tonight... I actually put our Christmas tree up in what was going to be the nursery to try and distract/cheer myself up... But it still just hurts. I would have been 21 weeks this Saturday

  7. #27
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    I know what you're going through. I think life goes on for everyone else and that nobody fully understands what we've lost and how much it hurts, and they dont want to know. That's a really hard thing to accept because it means we're all alone. But people are so uncomfortable with grief and death, they just don't want to know or talk about it. If it helps you to know, I am still devastated too. Last week my "goal" was to shower every day! We have lost our babies, we will never be quite the same

  8. #28
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    I am still yet to get a period

  9. #29
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    Me neither. A bit of on and off bleeding still happening but no period. I was warned it might take a few months so I'm just expecting it will be the new year before I get a period. Would be nice to get back to normal. How are you going otherwise?

  10. #30
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    I've been doing pretty well considering. Having a moment every now and again.

    How are you doing?


 

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