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  1. #1
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    Default Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

    Has anyone else had this problem?

    I have two friends who I know are trying for a baby ATM. They're both my closest friends. One has been trying for two years, had an ectopic pregnancy and a mc, and didn't know I was trying. The other has only started trying in the last couple months, and knew that DH and I had been discussing for the last 6 months when we would try and had told her we weren't taking precaution anymore.

    When I told my first friend, despite all of her upset in her ttc journey, she was over the moon! She was so supportive and helpful. I really loved her knowing!

    My second friend had just started a new job, and I found out the day of her farewell from our current work place. I didn't want to tell her at her farewell, that was her night. I wanted to tell her in person though, so for over a week messaged and called her, tried to organise a time to see her, even took a day off uni! It seemed like she was avoiding me. And I'm pretty sure she knew and was told by a mutual friend. Finally I gave up chasing her and sent her a message. Took her a while to reply, and she seemed excited/happy. But then the next message its like she flipped. Sending me a long long long message saying how she thought I'd suddenly got pregnant because she was trying. And that she was angry I had told someone else before her. And that I was selfish and all this other stuff.

    Honestly she knows we have wanted a baby and a family the whole time I have known her. We even talked about trying at the same time and imagine if we got pregnant at the same time? Why would I get pregnant to annoy her or steal the lime light?

    Has anyone else come across this sort of reaction with friends also ttc??

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

    Just wanted to say I'm sorry this has happened to you.
    I had a similar thing happen but then my friend got her bfp and was so happy we were both going through it together.
    She miscarried last week and now won't talk to me as it hurts to much.


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  3. #3
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    Default Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

    Not me personally but have seen a few of these posts and they usually turn sour because you couldn't "possibly understand how hard it is to have trouble".

    You tried telling your friend in person and it didn't happen.
    While it must be tough for your friend, don't feel bad about your situation.

    Congratulations

  4. #4
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    I really don't understand this kind of open and public reaction. I don't understand how it in anyway impacts on their own experience. It's a very sad way to be. I could never imagine not being happy for my friend regardless of my own experiences.

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    Wow, how awful.
    I can understand feeling a hurt over a pregnancy announcement, when you wish it was you, but there is no excuse for acting out like that.

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    Do you consider her a really good friend?! Because I couldn't imagine any of my true friends saying something like that. She sounds jealous and like she wants the "attention" from being pregnant by saying you want the limelight. Surely a true friend would be happy for you at the same time feeling a hint of jealousy which is normal! Being snarky is just uncalled for.

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    It may be possible she's facing a lot of issues, and this isn't really about you and your pregnancy, but rather her looking at her own life in comparison. She may not have first announced when she began TTC, or announced any issues she's having... but she may be having issues and may therefore just be extra sensitive.

    I'm not saying she is justified, just that it may not be about you, and it may not be something long-lasting. I would give her breathing room, let her know you are there when she's ready, and leave it.

    Congrats, and sorry your friend wasn't more supportive or happy for you.

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    DueInAugust Im sorry you are having a hard time with your friend too. That sucks so much! I can imagine its hurting you that your friend now wont talk to you. I am hoping she changes her mind and realises that you can be there for support through this hard time and she is still important to you.

    Thank you for the support Mrs Ohara! The weird thing is, my friend who has been trying for so much longer was the more supportive one! And my friend who is angry at me is the one who knew I was trying? It just made no sense...

    babyla I dont understand it either? I would be excited for her if it was reversed. I wouldnt wish or expect her to not get pregnant. I would be out buying her presents!

    MothersMilk I could understand that pang of jealousy in secret too, but to openly be attacking me? I really never expected that in a million years!

    Chumly, before this happened I considered her my best friend! Admittedly she had been doing some snide things like going out shopping or for coffee with our other friends and not inviting me, but I thought that was her just wanting to have friends by herself (not that it didnt hurt). I think I am reconsidering my friendship circle...

    Sassymummy I think you have a valid point. I think she thought it might have happened sooner then it is. I know she hasnt been trying for very long because she had the rod in her arm, and there was drama getting it out. I really hope she soon comes around and understands I wasnt trying to upset her. But did she honestly want me to not try until she got pregnant?

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    Default Re: Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

    I know my friend just needs time. She knows I have been there to.

    Sounds like your friend is just being childish. Maybe she will get over it but if your want to save the friendship I feel like a heart to heart is needed.
    Clear the air and find out what's happened to make her turn nasty.


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    Default Re: Being criticized for getting pregnant while another friend is trying

    When I got pregnant with DS2, someone extremely close to me struggled a lot with my announcement. She had been TTC for 4 years and had miscarried twice and in that time I'd gotten pregnant twice and her older sister had given birth to a 3Rd child and her younger sister had has twins. Having been through a lengthy TTc journey myself I really do get where she was coming from. However, openly being hostile etc, not cool at all.

    I am currently in month 11 of TTC#3 and I've had so many friends announce they are pregnant in that time, a few have already had their babies etc, it has become so Difficult for me that I have retreated and spend a lot of my time alone now. It sounds silly, and possibly to some, selfish but it's what I have to do to stay sane. I am extremely happy for my friends and at the same time sad for myself and full of guilt for my feelings.

    I'm Really sorry your friend treated you that way OP, it's not ok at all, but if you have it in your heart to cut her some slack, if it were me, I would. TTC is an emotional rollercoaster especially if you think it was going to happen quicker than it does and if it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant etc. like I said, doesn't make what she did ok, but she is probably hurting a lot about her own circumstances and unfairly taking them out on you.

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