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  1. #101
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    Um, perhaps by calmly asking them to explain what they are doing and why? By removing them from the restaurant and dealing with their behaviour in private, rather than infront of a bunch of strangers? As a parent, I think I should be the one feeling embarrassed because clearly I had stuffed up along the way. Embarrassing a child is not necessarily going to improve their behaviour, but is highly likely to lead to further issues (such as a child rebelling further etc.).

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  3. #102
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    Default Re: How would you respond if your child...

    im rather interested that everyone would leave.
    i have a could that would behave that way. he would do it with the ultimate goal of going home as he does not like to go out ever. so if i take him home for such behaviour essentially im rewarding him but giving him what he wants. to go home. so apart from going home interested to hear other options?

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  4. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    im rather interested that everyone would leave.
    i have a could that would behave that way. he would do it with the ultimate goal of going home as he does not like to go out ever. so if i take him home for such behaviour essentially im rewarding him but giving him what he wants. to go home. so apart from going home interested to hear other options?

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    going home for me would not even be an option, I have no licence and when I have things to do I have things to do,
    I *try* to do my shopping etc on days I do not have to take ds as I can be quicker BUT if he was 5 he can deal with it (he is 2 so it is a bit harder)

    at 5 if he was refusing to stop running in a resteraunt I would restrain him and I would give his meal away (to bad, clearly he is NOT hungry if he does not wish to sit and eat the meal) at 2 he already knows, he does try it and I say no monkey, you need to sit down!

    if I was grocery shopping and he was 5 he can deal with it, does he want food / snacks / a clean house? yes so stop being a brat and suck it up or I'll put him in the trolley like a baby.

    at 2 he gets the option, he can walk NICELY beside the trolley or he can hop in (he HATES hoping in) some times he screams when he gets made hop in and yes people do look but to bad, he was given the option and he made the choice.

  5. #104
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    Default Re: How would you respond if your child...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tainted View Post
    Um, perhaps by calmly asking them to explain what they are doing and why? By removing them from the restaurant and dealing with their behaviour in private, rather than infront of a bunch of strangers? As a parent, I think I should be the one feeling embarrassed because clearly I had stuffed up along the way. Embarrassing a child is not necessarily going to improve their behaviour, but is highly likely to lead to further issues (such as a child rebelling further etc.).
    Righto. Well the child is acting defiantly already so getting them to leave will likely involve some force, and oh no.. embarrassment.. people are so afraid of any negative feelings these days. It's unhealthy.
    My kids don't behave like that luckily so I don't have these issues but my response to a child spitting in my face wouldn't be "oh darling don't do that please. It makes mummy feel sad."

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  7. #105
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    Default Re: How would you respond if your child...

    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    im rather interested that everyone would leave.
    i have a could that would behave that way. he would do it with the ultimate goal of going home as he does not like to go out ever. so if i take him home for such behaviour essentially im rewarding him but giving him what he wants. to go home. so apart from going home interested to hear other options?

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub
    For me it would be for the sake of my friends/other people around. If it's a crying baby I think people need to just cope but not being spat in the face.

    If the goal was to go home he'd be punished ay home (losing privileges or something)

    If going home was completely not an option I'd probably take him outside or into thaw bathroom or a space he couldn't hurt himself or others and try to get him to calm down. Actually that would be step 1. And it would happen before he'd done all the op described. The situation the op described would be a total fallout nightmare break down so that's why I'd be leaving because I know I'd have been taking steps before they stage. And if it was a sudden snap I'd probably want to take him to the ED.

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  9. #106
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    These are for my hypothetical children. Lol. But I have some fairly stern core beliefs on parenting for myself, the rest is flexible, so I guess it's going to be the same no matter what.

    I strongly believe as an adult, it's my responsibility to prepare my kids for the real world, for school, for interracting with other peoples whether it be adults or other children. So, if any of my (hypothetical. Lol) kids were behaving in such a way, the punishment would be instantaneous. Removal from the area he was enjoying being in, taken home and have privledges, toys, etc, removed. Then the discussion on why he or she thinks that behavior is acceptable and appropriate and what triggered it.
    I'd take them back to the restaurant the next day, and have them personally apologise to the restaurant owner for their behavior the previous day, take them to my friends and have him/her apologise to them as well. At 5, I expect a certain level of respect and understanding of their behavior, the people around them and how it affects them, how it affects the child, and how it affects their environment. Not full understanding, but some. At 5, they're heading to school if they aren't already there. It's not acceptable behavior at school at any age, not acceptable behavior when they enter a work force, not acceptable behavior in my house, ever. So, yeah.

    Though with the spitting one, I'd likely have thrown up and had my partner/their father handle it. I honestly can't handle it, and it's one of those things that gets an instantaneous and physical reaction from me.

  10. #107
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    Do you think this mother is at a loss at what to do as she feels embarrassed and that has affected the way she deals with her child?

    I am personally all for gentle and assertive parenting, you can avoid being aggresive and still get a message across that certain behavior is not, and will not be accepted.

    Re the 'slapping response' ..you know what? I myself (a self labelled "non smacker") got kicked in the face by my 5 year old mid melt down a while ago and my 'reflex' happened before anything else and my open hand connected with his thigh.
    That wasn't a 'parenting decision' - that was a 'self defense reflex' IMO.

    But when talking about foresight and having the opportunity to plan a rough copy in my mind about what I would possibly do in the same situation - I couldn't defend that slap as something I would dish out as discipline.

    To be honest when I read in the OP about 'spitting in faces' - the image that came to my mind was spittle coming off lips of a hyped up feral child - not the hock a loogie type of deliberate spit.
    Yuck!

    OP - If you value your friendship with this woman, I'd be politely asking how she is coping with his behaviour and telling her straight out that spitting in people's faces is NOT acceptable for adults, children or toddlers... if she wants to reciprocate the sense of value in your friendship she would do something about it and apologise...if not - personally, I'd be walking away.

  11. #108
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    I generally follow what they do at dd's daycare.. when she's doing something she shouldn't i ask her (just like they do at daycare) ''stop. you are making a bad choice, do you want to make a good choice?""... if you make a bad choice, there are bad concequences.. such as time out, no tv, no toys, etc, if you make a good choice you will be rewarded with a sticker etc.

    many times it works with my kids. if they still aren't getting the point i give them a stern talking to and then try and distract them from what they are doing. i always bring along a little bag of paper, crayons, matchbox cars etc and i'm able to get them to sit down at draw, play ..

  12. #109
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    Sorry, I don't get the whole "embarrassing the child" comments. The child is embarrassing themselves already by doing things like that. If they are at the point where they are hitting and spitting on people, I doubt the parent is going to be able to remove them from the restaurant without making a scene. It sounds like this mother has no sense of discipline.

    As I've said in previous posts, I believe that parents have a responsibility in teaching their children acceptable behaviours and how to socialise.

  13. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiveInTheBed View Post
    Re the 'slapping response' ..you know what? I myself (a self labelled "non smacker") got kicked in the face by my 5 year old mid melt down a while ago and my 'reflex' happened before anything else and my open hand connected with his thigh.
    That wasn't a 'parenting decision' - that was a 'self defense reflex' IMO.
    I've done this before too. I "smacked" my bird off my shoulder when he bit my face too, despite him being all of 100g. It wasn't hard, but I knocked him off. It was not a good move, but it was an instant reaction to being bitten on the face.

    I have smacked DD, instaneously, when she's done something that stunned and hurt me too. I didn't think - I reacted. Instantly. There was no beat-down or anything, but I slapped her one. Not on the face, but on the leg if memory serves correctly.


 

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