A warning that our room is next to a night club would have been nice. I have come over 1400km's and am not foreseeing sleep till sunday now.
Dear DD, I love you (and your brothers) more than life itself but after 4 days of hourly feeding something has to give, and I'm afraid is mummy's sanity.
Please my little snuggle bunny, gtfts.
Dear DH, I love you so much, and everything you do for me/our family, but if you don't stop snoring and let me get 20 minutes sleep between the baby waking I'm going to smother you with a ****ing pillow.
The snoring. You always say you will go on the couch but when I've asked three times and you don't move, don't be surprised when I get on the couch myself. And don't be surprised to find me in tears. I'm 39+6! I'm uncomfortable, I'm sore and I'm so goddamned tired that I feel sick. And I know that if I DO drift off I'm in for a world of pelvic pain when I wake as SPD and couches aren't a good mix.
I know you are on nightshift, but why you think that means its ok to text me jokes at 1 am is beyond me, and your response of another lame joke hen I asked you to stop was not appreciated. I am on maternity leave! I am tired. I am due to have a baby any minute and you have robbed me of sleep! I don't always remember to put the damn phone on silent, maybe because I'm sleep deprived?!?!?
Dear dad and stepmom.
Trust me, if I wanted to talk to you, I'd pick up the phone and call. Surely my silence is telling you something?! Stop texting and FBing me!
Stop telling the world I'm making inexperienced choices because I won't CC, schedule feed, swaddle when awake or leave my DD with you. It's my baby, not yours.
And I AM on a diet, even though I allow myself the occasional treat, stop making me feel like I'm failing and puh-lease stop suggesting mother-baby exercise classes, gym memberships and your Jane Fonda video! Yes I'm still 15 kilos heavier than when we met but ffs I've just had a baby!
And while we're on it...if you want to help, do my ironing, pick up some groceries, or vacuum my house...stop offering to drive/push/nurse/bounce/bottlefeed my screaming overstimulated DD when all she wants is a nap in a quietdark room with me by her side.
Dear 8 week old DD,
I love you so much and am so okay with getting up with you at all hours...but if that warm trickle I just felt on my bare leg is poo, seriously!!
Dear germs inside my body...
You have 365 days to make me sick, why did you chose today - my 30th - to ensure i have the worst cold possible
Not a good look couging and blowing my nose all night at my party! All I want to do is sleep but I cant!
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Yes I know you are sick, I don't need to be reminded every hour. DS is sick and has been for 5 days now, I am sick and pregnant too but I am getting on with it.... I would love to sleep through the night once. I hope you enjoy those sleeps coz when I hear you snoring it makes me hate you while you sleep through everything! Thanks for the help!
Dear insomnia, you can go get stuffed.
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It's my day off today can we not wake up at 6.55am? Mummy would like more sleep!
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