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  1. #41
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    Default Re: Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I haven't read all the replies but yes I guess you could say in a way I do worry about my boys 'fitting in' and finding friends, but not because of my childhood, wanting them to be popular or conforming. I'd just like to know my kids are making friends, have friends with like minded interests no matter what my kids are interested in and most importantly that theit learning positive relationship and social skills. Oh and I'd never curb the interests of my child.

  2. #42
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    Default Re: Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I have a feeling that DS will be in the popular group. I can see it already at playgroup. He is too cool for me! I would love if he could just have friends and be happy

    I was in the "popular" group at school but I always wished I hung out with my friends in different groups who were extremely funny and nice. I was too busy to go to parties anyway and we couldn't afford expensive clothes so I didn't really fit in with the popular kids. We'd just grown up together and they liked me.

    I guess what I'm saying is I want DS to find people he fits in with whether that's popular or not and all I can do is teach him to respect people and what is right. Hopefully he will be able to be friends without conforming to peer pressure to do things to seem cool.

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  3. #43
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I have a question. How do you stop the anxiety in yourself about ypur kids being happy at school? I worry about DS constantly as hes a sensitive soul I worry about him having friends and the what ifs at school with kids not liking him etc. One time being last week where he was excluded from a game of soccer because one kid didnt want him to play but the others did.
    DS went and played with other kids, but its built anxiety that this kid will exclude him from everything now

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by Mahjong View Post
    I have a question. How do you stop the anxiety in yourself about ypur kids being happy at school? I worry about DS constantly as hes a sensitive soul I worry about him having friends and the what ifs at school with kids not liking him etc. One time being last week where he was excluded from a game of soccer because one kid didnt want him to play but the others did.
    DS went and played with other kids, but its built anxiety that this kid will exclude him from everything now
    This must be horrible. I have no advice but just wanted to sympathise. This is why I found the op so interesting as I cannot imagine a parent who would not be interested in making life as easy as possible for their child. I found it hard to believe that parents wouldn't care about this in any way. Hope it gets easier for him soon.

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    Mahjong  (10-09-2012)

  6. #45
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by Mahjong View Post
    I have a question. How do you stop the anxiety in yourself about ypur kids being happy at school? I worry about DS constantly as hes a sensitive soul I worry about him having friends and the what ifs at school with kids not liking him etc. One time being last week where he was excluded from a game of soccer because one kid didnt want him to play but the others did.
    DS went and played with other kids, but its built anxiety that this kid will exclude him from everything now
    Was this your experience at school? I only ask because I constantly battle the way I feel about my own schooling experience and worry my kids will have the same one. I wasn't bullied or excluded but was jb the popular group and did all the wrong things. I feel so scared my kids could do the same. But they're not me and reminding myself that helps the anxiety a bit.

    I guess it's just a out teaching kids to choose to be around people who make them feel good and to stand up for themselves or others in an appropriate way. Also teaching them that the way someone else treats them doesn't define them.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    It could be a lot actually! I had friends but never fitted in if that makes sense? I have a great set of friends outside of graduating school and only talk to one old school friend now, but I was the one always one on the outside looking in during my school life. Thats created anxiety with my son being happy, I guess I just want him to be happy and have a good schooling life and not have to be like me

    DH was the same, but hes male and doesnt let it get to him.

    I had a chat to his teacher today, relieved my anxiety slightly as its end of term and all the kids are ratty and turning on each other. Still cant help worrying though, Im a natural worrier.

  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm a bit all over the place on this subject. On one hand I want my kids to value more than popularity and 'stuff'. But then growing up, I had vinnies clothes (back when it wasn't cool to shop there like now), cheap runners. I wasn't allow to dye or perm my hair.... we are talking early 90's here btw lol

    So while I try and instill in my kids that their personality is what counts and who cares about being popular... I'm also really funny about their school stuff. DD has nike runners and clark shoes that are chucked at the first sign of wear. There is no 2nd hand uniforms. They have good school bags, and cool bday parties. Not to make them popular, but to spare them the taunting of looking 'poor'. DH also grew up very poor, and likewise was teased for vinnies clothes so likes the kids to look decent with good quality stuff.

    So after all that we walk a tightrope of trying not to have them picked on, but also try to make them leaders not followers.
    I find it really interesting how different people react to things.

    Not that I was ever so poor I had to wear clothing full of holes or anything, but my parents were not going to allow me to wear certain things, they didn't ever buy me the "in" brands etc, and while it did cause me some teasing, as an adult I think, "Good... what a waste of money to have paid $70 for a t-shirt when Mum could (and did) get one from Target for $10 instead."

    DP had the same deal as I did... but he has reacted totally differently. He wants his children to wear all the surfy brands and such to spare them the teasing he copped.

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    DD1 (13yrs) told me there are girls at school (its a girls school) who think they are popular and walk around school like they are but they really aren't popular at all.

    I want my girls to have the right friends. One's who accept them for who they are and don't try to change them or try to influence their decisions etc. But I did used to worry quite a bit about DD1 especially when she went through some awful times with bullying for years. She finally got settled with a new group of friends only to find when she went to high school that this group suddenly decided to stop speaking to her and glare etc for no reason. Luckily she found a nice new group of friends. DD2 & DD3 being twins I figure will always have each other so they don't worry me as much.

    I was really pleased to see that DD1 and her group of friends didn't try to influence each others decisions for their subject choices for Year 9 and 10. They had an information night not long ago and were able to talk to the teachers about all the subjects that interested them to find out what they involved. DD1 made very different choices to her friends but they were all supportive and even told her they thought they were good choices for her.

    No one teases anyone about wearing 2nd hand clothes. I had a couple of friends who have given me clothes for the girls over the years and no ones even cares. I will grab 2nd hand school uniforms at times too. No one notices or cares.

  11. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I find it really interesting how different people react to things.

    Not that I was ever so poor I had to wear clothing full of holes or anything, but my parents were not going to allow me to wear certain things, they didn't ever buy me the "in" brands etc, and while it did cause me some teasing, as an adult I think, "Good... what a waste of money to have paid $70 for a t-shirt when Mum could (and did) get one from Target for $10 instead."

    DP had the same deal as I did... but he has reacted totally differently. He wants his children to wear all the surfy brands and such to spare them the teasing he copped.
    I don't go for brand names as such, just good quality stuff. Over the years I have found shoes are something that you get what you pay for. So I like them to have good quality shoes. Much of their clothes aren't brand name, just decent iykwim I buy DD a new school jumper every year as it's a dark colour and fades quite quickly. I always had the faded holey jumpers in school which showed to others I was poor. So DD always has new school uniforms, school hat, shoes etc.

  12. #50
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't go for brand names as such, just good quality stuff. Over the years I have found shoes are something that you get what you pay for. So I like them to have good quality shoes. Much of their clothes aren't brand name, just decent iykwim I buy DD a new school jumper every year as it's a dark colour and fades quite quickly. I always had the faded holey jumpers in school which showed to others I was poor. So DD always has new school uniforms, school hat, shoes etc.
    I'm a sucker for branded stuff! But also good quality stuff. And I'd never buy brands if I didn't think they looked nice AND were good quality and price!


 

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