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  1. #31
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by CluckySC View Post
    I think you hit the nail on the head there. For me of course I want my kids to be well liked, have friends and love their activities - not by conforming to peer pressure - but by being the best version of themselves.

    I'd rather find a place with people who appreciate them for who they are rather than try to raise them to fit a preconceived idea of 'cool'.

    In short I intend to help them find 'their people' and hope they make friends and have fun with a variety of others too
    I agree with the pp and what you have said here. So has that made you rethink your friends decision to send their child to a school where they believed their child would be 'cooler' ie fit in easily?

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennybaby View Post
    I agree with the pp and what you have said here. So has that made you rethink your friends decision to send their child to a school where they believed their child would be 'cooler' ie fit in easily?
    The decision of this friend involved sending their child somewhere for status rather than what best suited the child's needs and interests, though obviously they love their child and believe they're doing what's right for them

  3. #33
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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Okay...I misinterpreted your original post. In that case the parent is really making a decision based not on their child fitting in or being popular, but rather on their need to fit in with the cool and popular parents at said school of status? Lol or are they makings choice because society will respect the education their child will receive at that school and want to give their kidsth est possible opportunities in life?

    Sorry, I just wonder if you have interpreted all of your different friends choices as wanting their children to be popular when they are just wanting their kids to be the happiest they can be with the best opportunities in life...

  4. #34
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    I'm a bit all over the place on this subject. On one hand I want my kids to value more than popularity and 'stuff'. But then growing up, I had vinnies clothes (back when it wasn't cool to shop there like now), cheap runners. I wasn't allow to dye or perm my hair.... we are talking early 90's here btw lol

    So while I try and instill in my kids that their personality is what counts and who cares about being popular... I'm also really funny about their school stuff. DD has nike runners and clark shoes that are chucked at the first sign of wear. There is no 2nd hand uniforms. They have good school bags, and cool bday parties. Not to make them popular, but to spare them the taunting of looking 'poor'. DH also grew up very poor, and likewise was teased for vinnies clothes so likes the kids to look decent with good quality stuff.

    So after all that we walk a tightrope of trying not to have them picked on, but also try to make them leaders not followers.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennybaby View Post
    Okay...I misinterpreted your original post. In that case the parent is really making a decision based not on their child fitting in or being popular, but rather on their need to fit in with the cool and popular parents at said school of status? Lol or are they makings choice because society will respect the education their child will receive at that school and want to give their kidsth est possible opportunities in life?

    Sorry, I just wonder if you have interpreted all of your different friends choices as wanting their children to be popular when they are just wanting their kids to be the happiest they can be with the best opportunities in life...
    Not all are friends, some are people I know through friends, at playgroups etc. But in all cases I mentioned the parents clearly stated that they were making these choices so their kids would be cool and the popular ones.
    Like I said though, they love their kids so ultimately they're trying to make the best choice for them, just perhaps based on their own personal values system or life experience. All fine really, just interesting how different people view it

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    It's not something I've ever really thought about but I was popular at school and had a great time, and hope for my children that they are popular- in the sense that they are liked and respected by their peers. I don't think this is the same as 'cool'.

    We don't do anything to try and make them popular except encourage them to be themselves as I think being genuine and 'real' usually attracts people to you anyway.

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  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm a bit all over the place on this subject. On one hand I want my kids to value more than popularity and 'stuff'. But then growing up, I had vinnies clothes (back when it wasn't cool to shop there like now), cheap runners. I wasn't allow to dye or perm my hair.... we are talking early 90's here btw lol

    So while I try and instill in my kids that their personality is what counts and who cares about being popular... I'm also really funny about their school stuff. DD has nike runners and clark shoes that are chucked at the first sign of wear. There is no 2nd hand uniforms. They have good school bags, and cool bday parties. Not to make them popular, but to spare them the taunting of looking 'poor'. DH also grew up very poor, and likewise was teased for vinnies clothes so likes the kids to look decent with good quality stuff.

    So after all that we walk a tightrope of trying not to have them picked on, but also try to make them leaders not followers.
    This exactly! My children will never be the kids who wear shoes 4 sizes too big for them with holes in the soles because the next door neighbour gave them to us for free! I don't think what you wear or what you have really makes you popular, but kids (and teachers!) can be incredibly nasty in these situations.

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    Default Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I hope my kids grow up nerds! They usually become the successful ones when school has ended. And like a pp said, once you get to uni nobody cares (depending on the course everyone are nerds anyway). I want to somehow make my kids understand that being in the cool group doesn't matter, if they have at least one good friend they are blessed.
    Apart from that, I will try to avoid anything that will obviously open them up to bullying, ie when I was a kid my mum used to cut my hair in a hideous 'boy' cut. Thanks mum for scarring me for life

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    Quote Originally Posted by CluckySC View Post
    Various conversations with friends lately and the bullying thread got me thinking -

    How much do you raise your kids with the focus of them fitting in and being popular?

    If this is a big focus for you, why? Is it to prevent bullying, because you believe it will help their self esteem, or a reflection of how you felt as a child?

    I'm a little surprised how many people I know of base a great number of choices on making sure their kids are cool and popular, from someone I know being worried that her book loving three year old will be a nerd, from parents trying to make sure their toddlers like the popular tv shows to other parents choosing education choices based largely on their kids being popular if they make that choice.

    Maybe I'm biast because I've never really given a rats about conforming or fitting in. I don't *want* to click with everyone because it would mean I don't have much of my own identity, and if I don't fit in with a group I just find people I have more in common with.

    Obviously I want my kids to have rich and happy lives but their future peer popularity hasn't really altered my plans.

    Your thoughts?
    Wow.. can't believe people actually do this. I would be happy with whatever my children were into. However, I will do all I can to make the chance of them being bullied less like: making sure their hair is brushed, clean clothes, etc etc. Teaching them about annoying habits and what things they do look like to others.. eg. chucking a tantrum (Might even videotape them doing it and get them to watch it back). I would also not allow my son to wear a dress in public if he was into dressing in dresses/wearing girls clothes, etc. I'd let him do it at home if that's what he so desired (unless it was for a dress up day).

    I think my focus will be on my children thinking about what a certain behaviour will look like to other children/people. What's socially acceptable/what's not. Just little lessons on those types of things. I couldn't care less with them being in the "popular" group.. I just don't want them picked on. If they want to be a nerd that's great.. whatever makes them happy.

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    Default Re: Kids 'fitting in' and 'being popular'

    I have to say... There is no way I would actually want my child to be in the popular group. We all remember the popular kids, as a whole they smoked, drank and got up to more trouble in general compared to the others.... Not to mention they were popular because they bullied others.


 

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