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  1. #601
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    Oh, MrsErinR, I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you today and hoping you and DH can support each other through this. I know it's so hard and I can't think of any words to make it easier. Is the FS treating you well and helping you work through what to do now?




    (my brief update: after FET I had a few days of faint BFPs but it didn't stick, again, so we're having a natural month before going back to ICSI ourselves next cycle.. .. waiting takes forever. have a FS appt next week re my recurrent losses (four early losses counts as recurrent)).

  2. #602
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    I'm so sorry to hear your news, MrsErinR. Having a M/C is an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is emotionally wrenching, and I think you're wise to take some time to heal before starting IVF again. I know it's hard when you're stuck in the fog that comes after a M/C and feeling like the universe has targeted you, but please do take some comfort from knowing that you have conceived, and that you have carried, and that it is unlikely to go wrong next time. (I know it doesn't mean much right now when you desperately want this baby to still be growing inside you, but over time it starts to help). Lots of hugs to you and your DH. Be gentle on each other, and keep communicating how you both feel.

  3. #603
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    Roro, I'm sorry to hear that the BFP didn't stick this cycle. It is frustrating, but I'm glad that you're at a point where the FS will start investigating what is going on. I hope he finds some answers, but in the meantime I'll keep my fingers crossed that your natural cycle is a wonderful success.

  4. #604
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    Really sorry to hear this roro, I was wondering about you as you had your transfer a few days before me, I hope you get some answers as to why. Look after yourself.

    Mrs Erin, it's upsetting to hear about your mc. I'm glad that you can see a positive in this situation you have a great outlook. Take care

  5. #605
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    Oh no!! I am so so sorry MrsErinR and RoRo! Biggest to you both. I can only imagine how hard it is to pick yourself up again and keep going. Boy this is a tough, tough process!! Please keep up hope and take whatever time or paths you need to get where we all hope to be....with bubs in arms. I don't know what to say except I'm sending all my positive thoughts and strength your way. Wish I could say/do more. xo

  6. #606
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    How are you getting on, MrsErinR? The first few weeks after a M/C are really tough - I'm thinking of you, and hoping that you're doing okay.

  7. #607
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post
    How are you getting on, MrsErinR? The first few weeks after a M/C are really tough - I'm thinking of you, and hoping that you're doing okay.
    To be honest, I'm really struggling. This is one of the worst experiences of my life. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only been a week and I can't expect to feel better just yet. It's just one unexpected emotion after another. My DH has to go away for work for 3 weeks from Saturday and that is not helping my frame of mind at all.

    For those of you who've been through it, when did you start to feel ok again?

    Thanks for thinking of me everyone, and for your kind words.

  8. #608
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    Sorry to hear it, MrsErinR. I wish I could say I got over it quickly, but I really didn't. I actually felt optimistic for a couple of days after the D&C (because at least it was over), but then hit rock bottom. For the first few weeks, it played on my mind constantly and I just felt weighed down by pessimism - I felt sure that it had been our only chance and we'd blown it, that I was never going to hold my own baby, and that I'd been singled out by the universe for punishment. Things gradually got better and after about 6 weeks I'd start to go for longer periods without obsessing about it, but the sadness was still there in the back of my mind and would just suddenly leap out and hit me when I least expected it. Each month after that with a BFN set me back a little (no matter how much I tried to steel myself), but less so each time, and gradually it did start to improve. One thing I did find helpful was starting to do things to improve my chances - going to the gym, eating better, having acupuncture - because at least it gave me some feeling of control back in what is a very uncontrollable situation. But at the same time that you're doing everything possible to maximize your chances, it's also good to find something non-baby related to focus on, too. For me, it was telling DH that if we weren't UTD again by a particular date, we were going on a fantastic holiday, then starting to read guidebooks and plan our escape. The best advice is to let yourself feel what you feel, and to not let anyone tell you what you should be feeling or when. It’s a process that you need to go through, and you’re the only one who knows what you need. Lots of hugs!
    Last edited by Gentoo; 16-05-2013 at 19:06. Reason: Stupid "Enter" key not working

  9. #609
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    Thanks Gentoo. I think I'm on the same wavelength. I want to really focus on my health and will be giving away alcohol, caffeine for a while too. I feel exactly the same....this is something I can control when everything else is beyond my control. I will feel like I'm doing something positive for my eggs and my chances in general. It feels like the only way I can possibly slow my biological clock a bit.

    Also went to travel agent and picked up some brochures today. We cancelled travel plans when I got pregnant and now figure we should make the most of the opportunity in the hope we get pregnant again and lose that opportunity soon.

    But for the moment I feel sad and lost and scared for the future. Worried I'll never get pregnant again and scared that if I do, I'll miscarry again. Scared that I'll feel this sad forever. My DH has been amazing through this and I'm scared about coping without him when he goes away this weekend.

    Just one day at a time I guess.

    Thanks for thinking of me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but it helps to hear that others experiences mirror mine so I know these feelings are 'normal' under the circumstances.

    X

  10. #610
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    MrsErinR, I feel for you, and what you're going through is indeed normal, as far as my experience is concerned.

    In the first few weeks I did a lot of crying in the loos and at home, and a big black cloud followed me everywhere. The crying spells are now few and far between but there's still a sadness in my heart - so that's just over three months, with one BFN and one more very brief BFP, which made it worse.

    My FS gave me a gift, though, in the form of a mental image - he said his wife explained it to him as a pool of sadness that builds up in the heart, and when it's full it overflows as tears. Over time it fills up more slowly so overflows less often, but the pool remains. Now I need to stop so I don't cry at my desk in the cube farm.


 

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