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  1. #71
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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    You over reacted. I will sometimes blow in my babies in summer between nappy changes. I am not abusing them. I think you are very unusual for interpreting your friends actions as such. It was certainly not meant to give sexual pleasure to the child or parent.

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    Default Re: ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    True... And what if it was the dad doing the blowing instead of the mum?
    No drama from my point of view.

    Im still turning over if it was someone else - because honestly this is not something I've thought twice about. I think it's the same as my kids shower naked with me and df but heck no would I be okay with them showering with someone else who's naked who's not me or df.

    And I haven't done it ever before changing other peoples babies nappies.

    I dunno. I still find it really startling that anyone would think it was sexual.



    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    I have used calamine lotion on ds when he had terrible nappy rash. I blow to dry it before I put the nappy on, honestly I would feel like crap rubbing a towel on the rash when it's that red.

    Eta. Parents touch their children's genitals all the time to clean them, my GP told me to gently pull ds' foreskin back because it was too attached.abuse is all about the intention of the action
    Last edited by daysta112; 04-09-2012 at 21:28.

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  5. #74
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    I'm confused myself now! maybe I should go back and re-edit the post with all the extra information. Would that be better?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deni05 View Post
    I'm sorry I didnt think this post was going to create such hostility. I am 31 and the mother is 19. i thought the orginal post was enough and people would only tell me if I should give her more education or leave it be, I honestly didnt think people were going to say it was ok, because I actually thought it wasnt ok. To me it was sexual assault but because the mother maybe didnt realise what she was doing it wasnt really assault. I sort of felt you shoudnt touch a childs genitals in any other way than to clean them, and I dont really consider a bottom genitals, I too blow rasberries on my baby's bum. So when people questioned my actions and wanted me to explain why I had such a strong reaction I did explain why, I never changed my story I just gave more information cause I was asked. I tried searching on the internet but all I got was information on adults it didnt say anything about babies. I only joined today because I was concerned and wanted advice, its not very well something I would go and post on facebook where people would be able to pick up on who I was talking about. I dont know what a trigger warning is, but if you tell me what it is I will add it.
    OP - I feel you're feelings are valid, not because I think it was abuse, simply because it's how you felt. And what you witnessed with this girl growing up, having her breasts and crotch 'grabbed' is NOT normal and abuse can't be ruled out. It seems clear from what you said about the baby's reaction (she was blowing air on the baby's vagina and the baby was giggling) that the baby wasn't hurt, traumatised ir affected by this so that's the most important thing to note. But if you had strong gut feelings the mother was abused and may have been/dtarting to project similar behaviour (unknowingly?) towards her own baby girl then I would encourage you to not ignore those feelings but just keep a steady eye on things, without accusing the mother at this point.

    Good on you for caring. Your reaction sounds like it was just that, a reaction, rather than nastiness. Have a chat to the mum, explain why you felt the way you did because of how you didn't like the way adults touched her inapropriately as a child/teen... You didn't mean to judge/accuse her.

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  8. #76
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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    True... And what if it was the dad doing the blowing instead of the mum?
    Not an issue for me ... I would not allow anyone to change my child's nappy and therefore have access to my child's genitals unless I was 100% confident in that person.

    Someone else mentioned showers ... When my ds has sleepovers at my parents house he showers with my dad (his pop) it is not an issue at all for us.

    Ds also goes 4wd camping with my dad, my dh, my bro etc ... Ds has option of choosing to sleep with dh or his pop ... Everytime he chooses his pop over daddy. Is this weird??? Ds is 4yo says that daddy farts and snores too much

  9. #77
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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    I'd be worried that you have possibly made a young mother question herself. Unless she was physically parting the labia and touching her I don't see the issue?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bizzybee View Post
    I'd be worried that you have possibly made a young mother question herself. Unless she was physically parting the labia and touching her I don't see the issue?
    and even parting the labia is not automatically abuse - if you'd seen how far poo travels into some girls
    i always part the labia to make sure i've got all the poo. its a better option than the UTI's they're so prone to.

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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    I touch DS (well, when he was a baby, not now as a 4.5yr old!) to change his nappy and clean him but I don't think I would 'play' around that area. Blowing on her clitoris because she likes it is rather odd and Using her sexual organs as play things doesn't quite sit well with me. I don't think it would cause the baby any kind of psychological damage of course as she is only 6weeks old... But nevertheless I still do find it bizarre.

    I don't think blowing gently in that region to air / dry the vagina is quite the same as directly blowing on a clitoris to prompt an enjoyable response. It's all in the intent as another PP said.

    I probably would have approached the situation differently to you though.. Chances are if she is repeating behaviors of her mother than speaking up (yelling) out of the blue won't be a great way of opening a discussion about appropriateness.

    Wow... Such a weird thread :|

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    Default ***Trigger Warning*** Is this sexual abuse?

    I find that sort of thing highly inappropriate and unnecessary. If someone wants to truly "dry out the area" use a damn soft cloth or towel.

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