Lmao no one has made a fuss of my birthday in nearly 20 years. It's just another day.
Go on your trip, but be appreciative to your mil otherwise chances are she'll think you're just being ungrateful and won't be interested ever again.
Don't blame someone that had only been your mil for 7 months for your family neglecting it for 10 years. That's not her fault. Chances are someone mentioned to her that you had been upset that she didn't make a fuss last time and now she feels rebuffed because you're effectively said "well fine, I didn't want you to care anyway!".
It's your day so enjoy it with what you want to do, but don't be grumpy that someone else would like to celebrate with you. Tell her you really appreciate the thought but your plans were made a while ago. Go out to lunch with her or something if she still wants to.
Trust me, a mil that at least tries is better than a mil who doesn't care enough to try at all!
I think you're right to make your own plans rather than hoping someone else will, and I think you're right to stick with them.
BUT... Your response to your MIL seems a little over the top to me. Yes, a happy birthday would have been nice - I agree - but 7 months is not a long relationship. Were you very close to her throughout that 7 months? Any chance she could have said to your DH to pass on her wishes, and he forgot?
I think it's not petty to stick to your plans, but it does seem a bit petty to not try to make any alternative arrangements.
Even if you just said to her that you're not really into the great outdoors, and don't have free weekends, but you'd love to get together for a birthday celebration with her, and how about you go over/ she comes over for dinner on the Mon/ Tues (whenever fits) instead?
Her partner sounds like a bit of a nightmare, but I guess that's where you have to decide whether you want a relationship with her (which means putting up with him), or whether him being such a nightmare means that you won't tolerate being around him (and are prepared to sacrifice the relationship with her on that basis).
I'm not trying to be overly blunt, but it seems to me that your MIL is bearing the brunt of many years of neglected birthdays. I hope you can have a nice birthday and work it out.
Oh and no-one makes a fuss of my birthday either, dh isn't into birthdays and my family live far away, his family don't even know when mine is. Most of my friends are mums, and dd1's birthday is 2 days before mine. So I haven't even told most of them when my birthday is, in case they feel obliged to bring me a pressie when they come to dd1's party.
I think lack of fuss over birthdays is a natural part of growing older, maybe that is just me justifying the lack of fuss in my own life lol. I just do what I want now, get myself something for a treat, go out for dinner with dh, I might get a card from my mum or sis but that's about it tbh. The girls make me a card which is cute.
My friend tho, she likes fuss, and I forgot last year, she got really upset and made me feel really bad. It never really got sorted out and her next birthday is approaching now, I'm reluctant to do anything for her thus year cos it was such a big deal last year, I feel I would only be doing it out of obligation Iukwim. Not the same a your situation but it's why your thread caught my attention, this topic has been on my mind, sorry, that was all about me wasn't it?
**Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**
Meh, if she gets p*ssed because I don't conform to what she wants then so be it. I can't change that. I don't want to offend her but I'm simply not interest in doing anything else with anybody else but me. If she takes that personally I don't know that there's anything I can do about it.
Girl X-yep we've been really close since a few weeks in. It's also not about refusing to do anything else, I just don't have anything I want to do that she would go along with. (I try to avoid restaurants btw and she has dinner here once a week as it is) the only thing aside from my current plans I want to do is have an hour long hot shower without interruptions. Pretty sure she wouldn't want to join me on that! Lol
MrsTiggy - Lmao yeah it kinda was but im pretty sure this whole thread has been about me...I can share (see I'm not so unreasonable lol) your friend sounds like a harpy. I mostly keep my bday disappointments to myself. I don't want to have others feel bad too, I don't do guilt trips. And yep crappy birthdays happen as you get older, but mine have been happening since I was 15. I guess in a way I feel ripped off for lack of a better term, especially over milestone bdays.
Last edited by pinkplease3; 04-09-2012 at 09:05.
I don't think it's petty at all but for the sake of your DP's mum could you maybe do dinner or lunch a day or two before you go so she can feel included? It sounds like she wants to be apart of your birthday, but I definitely think you should still go to Sydney
If you're saying there is nothing you would want to do with her (even a 'special' dinner, or a birthday coffee somewhere) then I do think that's rebuffing her, and I could understand why she'd be upset about that.
It sounds like she's reaching out to want to do something with you, and you're not interested at all. In her shoes I have to say that I would be pretty offended, and I certainly wouldn't bother the next year.
You said in your last post:
"Dp doesn't even know I was upset so she has no way of knowing iykwim. "
So I am kinda wondering that maybe as you have never said anything people are just assuming you arent fussed if noone make a big deal of your birthday.
My DP tells me all the time that he isnt a mind reader ....maybe you need to tell your DP that you want a fuss made. Sure its not a suprise but at least he knows and can do something about it.
Not changing your plans isn't petty at all but it's a little petty you won't compromise on doing something with them to celebrate.
If he has dinner with you once a week as it is why don't you ask if she'd like to bring a birthday cake for desert (or get dp to suggest it to her)
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