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  1. #1
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    Default Managing bad behavior??

    I suppose in a roundabout way this is a spinoff of the time out thread. It got me thinking.

    I want to preface this question by saying I am not judging anyone, rather as a first time mum-to-be I am genuinely interested in what you do.

    What do you do when your toddler/ small child starts having a tantrum/ being loud and demanding in a public place, as in a shopping centre or restaurant.

    I feel like it's not a good idea to reward the behavior, do just giving them what they want probably isn't the best option, but you can't just ignore them for a few minutes like you would at home, can you??

    I've always thought I would just take them home, but honestly, the shopping needs to be done, you can't let a child determine your activities by their tantrum schedule...

    As you can tell, I am super confused i'd love to hear what you actually do in this situation. No judging, no parents are perfect

    Ps. Secretly hoping I have a perfect baby never need this info

  2. #2
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    Default Managing bad behavior??

    Most of the time they get quietly told to behave themselves. If they continue I do ignore them for 5 minutes and if it's continued after that they get whatever they had taken off them until the next day and ignored till shopping or whatever is finished. I don't really take much notice of what other people think of me though so don't really get embarrassed by them throwing a hissy fit.

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    They get told in a quiet but firm voice to stop it and behave themselves. If they continue I will hold their arm and make them walk with me whilst continuing to quietly but firmly tell them that they are not behaving and they need to stop. If it continues we finish what we are doing as quickly as is possible (so literally leave stuff in basket or if urgent then go straight to checkout) and we go home. There is no TV for 30 mins once we are home, they have to go play or do something quietly. The no TV isn't entirely a punishment but I don't want them to think they can misbehave in order to come home and have the TV put on.

    I have often said to DS who at 6 hates food shopping that if he can behave himself he can have a cheesemite scroll from the bakery. If he doesn't behave he doesn't get it and I will stick to it.

    I don't get embarrassed, I don't change my parenting, if I have to yell I will. I will finish what I'm doing as best I can and only get the essentials for that day if worst comes to it.

    ETA: I do keep the 2yo in the trolley as much as I still can, I take her a fruit squeezy and that keeps her happy most of the way.
    Last edited by ICanDream; 03-09-2012 at 22:03.

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    Default Managing bad behavior??

    My DS is 22 months, I pretty much just make sure whenever we go out to make sure he has plenty of food/toys and is not tired ( so outings for us are always mornings /lunch) I do what I need to do first ( groceries etc) and then at least if he does crack it I literally do just leave
    I am training ( can't think of a better word!) him to walk with me at the shops ( not in his pram) so I leave him in it and after all the big errands/shopping is done I let him out and he either holds my hand or the pram or goes straight back in , every time we go I take him out earlier and earlier as he is learning quite well but yesterday for example after 2 hours at the shops he started running through Myer so I picked him up , put him straight in the pram and left!
    Today he was an angel when we went out and only walked off once but came straight back when I told him to

  5. #5
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: Managing bad behavior??

    It depends in the age I think. When mine were smaller, 2ish & under, I'd do as little as possible if they were just having a tanty, of course if there was something wrong I'd fix it, if they were hungry or needed a nap etc. But a tanty cos they didn't get their way just gets ignored, regardless of looks & stares.

    now they are a little older (3 & almost 5), if they are misbehaving in public they get their warning and then we go home. I've had to do it a couple of times, at a friends house, at the shops and I think that's it.

    **Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**

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    Default Re: Managing bad behavior??

    I don't look up or meet anyone's eyes. It's taken a while but "being disruptive" doesn't bother me. I've shrieked at jasper to stop running off and my df tells me I sound like a bogan and I laugh it off. I don't care what other people think and see (when I'm parenting it's about as far as my self esteem goes... but I think I'm too busy worrying about them to care about someone else)

    So for me if my toddler needs me to sit on the floor to reason with him, I'll do that. Until he was 2 he was still breast fed on demand (probably the source of my thick skin for "looks") if I must I'll yell, or very effect for him is just getting him to SIT DOWN. I give him somewhere specific where I can see him so he doesn't run away. Its a last resort because he's nearly 4 it is embarrassing but I need to him not run off, I have baby in the pram, in a busy supermarket I can't chase him without leaving her.

    And yeah, I've bailed on shopping. Grabbed milk, nappies, bread and got the heck out, we can try again tomorrow!!!!

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    Default Re: Managing bad behavior??

    Loud / demanding / sooking or rara tantrum all get either ignored or told 'no!' Then ignored. (If its an i NEED this toy tantrum )

    Physical behaviour (Hitting etc gets an cease order, if he hits again i time out) , screaming AT people, spitting at people, throwing toys etc gets immediate time out
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  8. #8
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    Oblena is offline I've done it in public and I'll do it again - I don't care who sees!
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    I go home

    DD had a tantrum in Kensington Park London. She was told to stop and kept on carrying on (did not keep calm LOL). Was warned a few times, and depite the fact that we were on the other side of the world, and I really wanted to take her to the Princess Di memorial park, we walked back to the underground, got on a train and went home. She cried the whole way home and it was a horrible afternoon. She went to bed early, calmed down, an the next day apologised for her behaviour. We took her back to the park and in her words, 'finished the day we should have had yesterday'.

    As much as I would have liked to have stayed and seen the park the day before it was important to make sure her poor behaviour wasn't rewarded.

    DD is 5.5

  9. #9
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    Default Managing bad behavior??

    Thanks everyone, lots of good advice here

    I think I need to get a thicker skin before bubs gets here I've known plenty of childless people who are so judgmental of parents who 'can't control' their children when out, seems you can't understand how hard it can be till you deal with it. I'm just going to work on not caring about the stares

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    Honestly I just don't care if someone gave me a look when my kid was having a tantrum. I'M not having a tantrum lol. And really, when you shop in the daytime, it's mostly parents and oldies around and they understand.

    My kids have always been great at the shops, I like shopping with them
    BUT when they were younger, my golden rules were morning shopping only and take plenty of snacks!


 

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