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  1. #21
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    Default Re: New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    *shrugs* it worked for my ds, he had an explosive temper, i used the 1,2,3 aproach to teach him NOT to end up a screaming blubbering mess when his toys wouldnt do what he wanted them too.



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  2. #22
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    For anyone looking for other opts, google program's such as "tuning into kids" or "bringing up great kids"... Both based on emotional communication and the feelings underlying behaviour. Much more work than time out but just as effective over a long term.

  3. #23
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    Default Re: New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Time outs have worked for us since 2.5

    Though always in the same room as us, in sight, for no more than 1 minute per year of age and usually we clock watch and it doesn't last that long.

    Why it works for us is if jasper is flipping out a couple of minutes to calm down where he's not a risk to himself or anyone else is a positive thing (we dont do the corner, we do by the door) it's usually hyeractively "silly" than tantrums. If he's having an emotional melt down a cuddle usually solves it. I just hold him until he calms down, even if he still can't have/do whatever it is he's upset about he can always have a cuddle. Ill even put the baby down and let her cry if jasper NEEDS me to hold him.

    But also if it's a totally heated moment it's safer for all concerned if he is somewhere away from me. Like when he bit the baby hard enough to leave blueurple teeth-bruises she was about 2-3 months old and he was 3.5 years old and he bit her hand. I was SO angry I needed him AWAY. Far far better he be separated from her. And I have a moment to breath before I talked to him about what he'd done.

    Then yeah I accept that I'd prefer self regulated behaviour and most of the time I opt for explanation etc he's only in time out maybe a fortnight. If that even. I'm totally okay with my discipline.

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    Default New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    We do the 123 magic approach, into the toy room away from electrical devices stay there for 1 min for each year of life (start time when they are calm) no talking about it after, no forced apologies (which I believe just teaches children to lie about their feelings to make someone feel better).
    What does this teach? I don't know the details of 123 Magic.

    But I don't get how this teaches children to modify behavior or learn how to better manage their emotions.

    I guess I believe that behavior comes from emotions/feelings and so I want to teach my child how to better manage and regulate their emotions.

  5. #25
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    Triple p recommends time out, when done effectively. It is time away from a positive environment. It is a contrast to the positive attention a child should normally receive.

    It is not meant to be used in anger, or too often.


    Here is a great podcast on time out from the founder of triple p parenting program.

    http://www.abc.net.au/local/audio/20...07/3425037.htm

    He specifically comments on this infant mental health cooment in the article, he says that all the research points to it being very effective. He also discusses how time out can help a child manage their emotions if done correctly. Triple p is based on the most current and reliable research.

    I can relate to what he is saying, sometimes I try to calm my 2 yr old down by holding her it makes things worse and other times I can tell she needs it - it really depends on alot of factors I guess. He discusses how a toddler or young child can learn to regulate their behaviour through having some quiet time (time out). But ONLY if the time out is done effectively and the usual environment is a positive one. His podcast covers the topic pretty well and addresses the comments in the article posted.

    The way he describes time out is not how many parents I know use it - I think supernanny has a lot to answer for.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 03-09-2012 at 22:07.

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  7. #26
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Default New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    We do the 123 magic approach, into the toy room away from electrical devices stay there for 1 min for each year of life (start time when they are calm) no talking about it after, no forced apologies (which I believe just teaches children to lie about their feelings to make someone feel better).
    Sorry I forgt to say we don't use time out every time 123 magic gives 7 suggestions for consequences, time out is just one of them. I tend to use natural consequences and only time out for '3' offenses (when they are hurting someone) I should explain with 123 magic you count them for misbehaving but if they are hurting someone you don't let them do it 3 times lol it's a straight up 3.

    I don't have the patients to type up the theory behind it but it basically covers that children are not little adults lacking information. They don't need repetitive explanations. It takes the constant talking and emotions from the parent away and replaces them with counting.

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    Default New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Sorry I forgt to say we don't use time out every time 123 magic gives 7 suggestions for consequences, time out is just one of them. I tend to use natural consequences and only time out for '3' offenses (when they are hurting someone) I should explain with 123 magic you count them for misbehaving but if they are hurting someone you don't let them do it 3 times lol it's a straight up 3.

    I don't have the patients to type up the theory behind it but it basically covers that children are not little adults lacking information. They don't need repetitive explanations. It takes the constant talking and emotions from the parent away and replaces them with counting.
    Interesting... Just not something that is age appropriate for our DD or something we would use for future children.

  9. #28
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    i always thought time out was more for me than my son. when he was a toddler we lived in a shed. not even a bedroom door to hide behind!
    so i would leave him in the shed while i went outside for some fresh air to calm down.
    yay for the research. but when my baby girl starts throwing tantrums i'll be doing the same. possibly with a glass of wine in my hand.

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  11. #29
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    Default Re: New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_lemons View Post
    What does this teach? I don't know the details of 123 Magic.

    But I don't get how this teaches children to modify behavior or learn how to better manage their emotions.

    I guess I believe that behavior comes from emotions/feelings and so I want to teach my child how to better manage and regulate their emotions.
    123 magic gives the opportunity for the parent to explain the behaviour is not acceptable, why, explain what can be done differently and give 3 chances. Personally I find it very appropriate to move a child away for hitting/smacking or constantly disrupting and upsetting others after several warnings. Other people, including myself, deserve to be treated kindly and I think its acceptable to show my children that others won't want to play or be around if you continue hurting or doing the wrong thing. Fortunately we don't have any of those issues these days. Ds is well and truly past the stage of tantrums.. he never hurts others and rarely needs even a warning. He does have other typical behaviour of a kindy kid like trouble listening, daydreaming, doesn't feel like Sharing etc but I don't feel like time out is appropriate for any of that. There is a place for various strategies in our house.

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  12. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I found before 3, it was completely ineffective for my son. He would just circumvent it by trashing the room or weeing on the carpet. But I would get to the end of my tether, and use it because I wanted to strangle him.

    He's almost 4 now, and I find he does need to quiet space to calm down, but if we put him in his room, he just keeps opening the door and running around and laughing at us and being defiant. So we have just started leaving the room, and going into the bedroom and he seems to calm down when he's not getting a reaction or in a conflict situation any more.

    But, overall, I would prefer not to use it for a younger child. I think distraction or reassurance is better for them.
    My son does the EXACT same thing with the wee's!! He is 3, so do you think yours has gotten better now being 4? That might give me hope yet...

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    well when DS is throwing a massive tantrum and hitting me he gets time out. I couldn't care what the research says. Although, lately I find it better to just give myself time out. I go into my room, shut the door, use my iphone and wait until the exorcist child has decided to leave. Works a treat.
    I might have to give that a go, mine pushes my buttons so badly, perhaps me walking away from him and making him not be able to access me would help? Although he would probably either bang on the doors or do soemthing destructive cos he wasn't in my sight.....
    Sigh......


 

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