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  1. #11
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Default New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    We do the 123 magic approach, into the toy room away from electrical devices stay there for 1 min for each year of life (start time when they are calm) no talking about it after, no forced apologies (which I believe just teaches children to lie about their feelings to make someone feel better).

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    Default New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    If I couldn't send them to time out I'd sure as hell being going on my own time out.

    They go to a spot and sit there until they are ready to talk to me. Usually takes about three minutes. I'll keep with that.

  3. #13
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    I think it depends on the kind of time out...the time out that involves 'the naughty spot' I'm not a fan of. The time out that involves giving your child a quiet and safe spot to calm down I think is a great idea....as an adult I still need my own space to calm down sometimes so not sure why it would be had to teach a child that?

  4. #14
    Nowhere's Avatar
    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
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    every thing is damaging if it is done to the extream locking a kid in a room for an hour damaging sitting them in the time out spot ( or simmer out spot as we call it lol ) for 1 min per year of there age, in a safe calm envioronment it not

  5. #15
    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    ok, read over the article. Basically i agree that a distressed child should not be separated from a parent - children can't really begin to regulate their own emotions until they are three. So if they are losing it, and very upset I wouldnt put her in time out BUT if she is doing something dangerous, naughty or hurting her little brother THEN I will put her in time out (calmly) and walk away but not out of the room and often not out of site - but I don't give her attention for a minute or two then get her out and let her know I care.

    There is a big difference between separating yourself from a tantruming young child and using time out to prevent negative behaviour.

    A child having a distress tantrum should not be removed from the parent, and does need a calm parent to calm them down. As hard as it is, they do need a parent to actually calm them down, they cannot do it themselves.

    I didn't see any new research in there though, and all the research I did and positive parenting programs do discuss the use of time out but only when done correctly and that you do need to make a repair after you do it.

    I can see the point of the article though, but i think it is referring to the misuse of timeout…which is easy to do, especially when you are angry about the bad behaviour you are trying to modify. No behaviour modification is free of effects, its about balancing things and remembering that kids are not little adults and cannot control their emotions the same way we do…but we can still try to modify their negative (naughty) behaviour.

    It is based on the premise of time out of attention i.e. i am not going to give you attention, which is the basic currency of toddlers and young kids. It is meant to be a way to remove them from the stimulus of attention for doing something naughty, so they begin to associate the behaviour with a lack of attention rather than a punishment for being bad.
    Last edited by Ulysses; 03-09-2012 at 21:02.

  6. #16
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    I have read Children are people too and love that book. I do find that time out is effective for my oldest because she can get very angry and just yells and screams at us to telease her frustration. She won't listen to reasoning or respond to touch (cuddles etc) when she is like that so a quiet space to calm down and then we talk works great for her. She is allowed out whenever she is ready and she can play if she wants to...the aim is for her to not be angry so we can then talk and consequences come then. Time out isn't a consequence as such.

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    Default Re: New "research" shows Time Outs can be harmful to children?

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    We do the 123 magic approach, into the toy room away from electrical devices stay there for 1 min for each year of life (start time when they are calm) no talking about it after, no forced apologies (which I believe just teaches children to lie about their feelings to make someone feel better).
    I use a combination of this (123 magic) which ds school uses and I use some other tools too which are more about recognising where the behaviour comes from and natural consequences. I don't accept that time out is harmful. However it can be done in a way which is harmful no doubt.

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    I found before 3, it was completely ineffective for my son. He would just circumvent it by trashing the room or weeing on the carpet. But I would get to the end of my tether, and use it because I wanted to strangle him.

    He's almost 4 now, and I find he does need to quiet space to calm down, but if we put him in his room, he just keeps opening the door and running around and laughing at us and being defiant. So we have just started leaving the room, and going into the bedroom and he seems to calm down when he's not getting a reaction or in a conflict situation any more.

    But, overall, I would prefer not to use it for a younger child. I think distraction or reassurance is better for them.

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    well when DS is throwing a massive tantrum and hitting me he gets time out. I couldn't care what the research says. Although, lately I find it better to just give myself time out. I go into my room, shut the door, use my iphone and wait until the exorcist child has decided to leave. Works a treat.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Alexander Beetle For This Useful Post:

    halloweendee  (03-09-2012),MsMummy  (03-09-2012),Stiflers Mom  (04-09-2012)

  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    well when DS is throwing a massive tantrum and hitting me he gets time out. I couldn't care what the research says. Although, lately I find it better to just give myself time out. I go into my room, shut the door, use my iphone and wait until the exorcist child has decided to leave. Works a treat.
    I'm relieved I'm not the only one who has to put myself in time out. Although sometimes he stands and rattles the door handle (which I hold closed) and taunts me to let him in... I need to put the handles up higher.


 

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