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  1. #21
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    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    I haven't read all the replies so hope this reply is still on track... I am not a step mum anymore but I was and I was really affectionate towards my DSD's. It is probably the only problem their bio Mum had with me (we weren't friends but got on okay). However she did have issues with that (whether she was around or not.) And yes, I did tend to keep my distance a bit more around her out if respect I guess. I'm a Mum too and I guess I didn't want her to feel threatened by me. Or maybe she's not a affectionate person?

  2. #22
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    and all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks with the one word...UNLESS
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    Izy, I'll tell you that when I first met my step kids I was very uncomfortable showing them affection in front of their mother, but I think.that was because their mother had made life very difficult for me to establish my role in the childrens lives.

    It sounds like this isn't the case for your situation and I hope that it is just still an initial uncomfortableness

  3. #23
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    Im not a Step-Mum, but I have re-partnered and Id like to say that my current partner is great with the kids, he plays with them, teases them, helps care for them, and is even the one to put my toddler to bed every night. However, at pick up and drop off he never goes outside, never shows affection to them, and is very stand offish. He knows that the ex is uber jealous as it is that he gets to spend alot of time with him and not as much with their dad so he stays right away.
    He also would never attend a family party for them, gosh I would'nt go either as it would be very awkward and uncomfy. Im sure this is whats happening for you.

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    hugs, it sounds like there is a lot more to this story

    i'm not sure what happened to make it so you don't know where they live or are not allowed to know what they do (although as ds gets older, i think that will be impossible) but, you might find that is the source of tension...not er feeling towards you son.


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    Default Re: Step mums need your reassurance

    I'd like to know what happened too

    Forgive any weird substitutions... Silly phone, but I still love it

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    Izy, have you tried a communication book ?
    You can send it between the houses and each parent can jot down anything child related that the other parent needs to know.
    Its good for school aged kids too because parents can jot down any happenings at school and add any notes/forms that other parent needs to know about.

  7. #27
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    Actually that is a bit odd tbh. Why do they feel the need to be so utterly secretive and rule intense? My ex knows where we live and we know where he lives. I dont go asking questions as such about what goes on there, but we do talk about how their weekend was. My ex has remarried (very complicated and she doesnt live in the country) but I certainly dont mind them having a relationship with her.
    I would be concerned and put out for sure about the secrecy, I mean, what happens in an emergency and you need to know where your son is?

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    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    Izy are these rules coming from him or her? Re not knowing anything?

  9. #29
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    My dsd and i are close.
    Goodbyes are not a t done thing between her and i though.
    Most times she is to busy saying goodbye and clinging to her dad to get a hug. She usually waves at me as she runs out the door. Most times i get a hug hello and i ask her how the last couple of days have been.


    How long has your kids stepmum been around for?

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    This means that I don't need to know where they live, I don't need to know if he's seeing family, following the same routines, has standard bedtimes, gets cuddles, controlled crying, smacks or anything else.

    It's exactly why this thread is meerly asking for reassurance that although my mind keeps imagining the worst case, that there can in fact be a positive explanation behind it. This is to have help to create a positive possibility in my mind since I can't control anything happening, I can only control my perception.
    I'm sorry, i am not a step parent, but clicked on new posts. I wanted to say how utterly amazing you are. It's heartbreaking that you are not allowed to know where your son is and how he is treated while he is there, but rather than be bitter and angry about it, you are instead only concerned for your little boy. He is lucky to have at least one parent who puts his best interest at heart.

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