Closed Thread
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    12,292
    Thanks
    1,571
    Thanked
    1,225
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    any time I see ds with it near step mum it's always so cold. I don't see more than about a minute but she doesn't offer to say goodbye or want a cuddle or anything.

    I've made it clear that I'm happy for her to be part of his family and that ds can even call her mum if he wants too, I won't get upset. But I guess that isn't the norm.

    Please reassure me that some of you have fabulously close relationships with your step kids but don't do goodbyes out affection in front of bio mum.

    Forgive any weird substitutions... Silly phone, but I still love it

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    1,206
    Thanks
    406
    Thanked
    323
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    How long have they been together?
    I never showed affection to DSD for a very long time as I thought it would upset BM, now we do hugs and kisses goodbye but it still feels a bit odd.
    Hopefully she is the same

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Toukley NSW
    Posts
    723
    Thanks
    319
    Thanked
    117
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    I don't see my DSS's mother so she wouldn't know how close we actually are. We have a fantastic relationship full of hugs & kisses. We do homework together everyday he is with us and sometimes even reaches out to me to ask questions instead of his father.

    I would just be asking your child if they are happy and if she is nice to him. Kids are pretty honest.

    Hope everything is all good :-) I wish my DSS's mother was more like you!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    658
    Thanks
    276
    Thanked
    207
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    I really believe that is has to do with her feeling uncomfortable. Even of you have been so open and accommodating, perhaps that was uncomfortable for her?

    I'm not in an exact step mum/bio mum situation but I do feel uncountable in doing a big affectionate good bye in front of the other parent figure. We usually do it in the car instead though!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    12,292
    Thanks
    1,571
    Thanked
    1,225
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default Re: Step mums need your reassurance

    They've been together for a long time and they're very much in love. They have their own little family unit which is gorgeous.

    I guess I freak out that my son is a guest in their family more than a part of it, but I guess that's just me jumping to worse case scenario since I'm not allowed to ask them anything.

    Ds is too young to talk about it. He doesn't talk much yet, and I am very wary of asking him questions too

    Forgive any weird substitutions... Silly phone, but I still love it

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,612
    Thanks
    2,724
    Thanked
    864
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I will comment on how my DP is with my children when we handover with their Dad. Hope that is okay.

    When they are here with DP and I they are very affectionate and play and tease him, make presents for him etc etc. An example was that we got breakfast in bed today because we are special. The girls could not be at their Dads this weekend due to him being away.

    On change overs we leave it to the girls. They always say good bye sometimes they give him a hug more often not, though. When we pick them up they always say hello but don't give him a cuddle and usually wait until we are at home.

    We have always just left it up to the girls what they do with DP.

    It sounds from your side that there is a wonderful relationship there though

    I know my DP is uncomfortable around my ex, so maybe it is that, rather than a reflection of her relationship with your DS

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,160
    Thanks
    421
    Thanked
    197
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Re: Step mums need your reassurance

    My DS' step mum is always affectionate towards him in front of me. At first I hated it, but now I am glad she adores him as opposed to not..

    Me 27 - with DS, 7, DD, 2, and beanie due 1/5/13!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    1,237
    Thanks
    599
    Thanked
    271
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi. Im not a step mum but my kids have a step dad (my DP) He shows sooo much affection all the time to the boys. Even when their dad turns up to get them. We all hang out and chat for a bit, DP (and me of course) give the kids lots of hugs and kisses before they go and when they get home.

    I would honestly like to know how XDP feels when he sees this. I was talking today to DP that I hope I dont get all green eyed with jealousy when the kids eventually get a step mum and not the flavour of the month

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Narre Warren, Vic
    Posts
    1,321
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked
    196
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Step mums need your reassurance

    It's been 7years and I still don't give DSD a kiss or cuddle around her mum but I will never fail to say 'love you', I suppose for me a do it out of respect for her mum and I can tell by DSD body language that she's not up for it at hat time. I will always give her a hug and kiss goodnight and when she leave here too (DH drops her off)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,728
    Thanks
    663
    Thanked
    862
    Reviews
    15
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I'm very rarely affectionate toward DSS. I just don't have a very close bond/relationship with him due to the fact that he lives so far away so we don't have him very often and I also don't feel comfortable.
    DF and I have only been together 2years though and DSS is only 5. I think he is an awesome kid, but we just haven't been able to build a strong relationship. He also isn't very keen on initiating affection, and I don't see the point in pushing him into something he isn't interested in.
    Maybe with time things will get easier. I am far from an evil step mum lol but certain circumstances stops us from being able to bond.

    I think it's great that your pushing for a positive relationship between your son and his stepmum, maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable yet and things will get more comfortable with time


 
Closed Thread
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Rules for Step-mums
    By TurnedBatty in forum Step-parents / Blended families
    Replies: 175
    Last Post: 09-08-2016, 16:12
  2. Advice from step mums
    By daysta112 in forum Step-parents / Blended families
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 23-05-2012, 07:47
  3. Looking for some reassurance
    By Mrs E in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 15-12-2011, 11:24

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Cots on Bubhub
Looking to buy a cot or bassinet? :: Cot safety checklist :: Local or online nursery shops
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!