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  1. #21
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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    You shoud be very proud of yourself, It is dam hard to kose weight. I agree with the above. I have lost a lot of weight (88kgs) and i know some of my friends and family felt like that.
    88 kilos!!! You are amazing!! Well done :-)

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly8329 View Post
    No way do I need someone to validate me to feel better
    So why does it matter so much to you that she hasn't said anything? If whether or not she mentioned how pleased for you isn't an issue, why are you even upset with her?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly8329 View Post
    I don't see the difference between this and someone falling pregnant when someone else had been trying for a few months. You'd still appreciate a congrats would you not!?
    Sure, I'd still appreciate it. But I wouldn't be cranky with them if they didn't say anything because the hurt is real for them.
    *shrug* As much as you might think I am, I'm not trying to have a go at you. I'm just saying, perhaps try to see it from her point of view.

  3. #23
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    Even I'm jealous, I need to shed some weight!

    Jealousy makes people bitter and angry.
    Ignore her, you look and feel great!

  4. #24
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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    So why does it matter so much to you that she hasn't said anything? If whether or not she mentioned how pleased for you isn't an issue, why are you even upset with her?



    Sure, I'd still appreciate it. But I wouldn't be cranky with them if they didn't say anything because the hurt is real for them.
    *shrug* As much as you might think I am, I'm not trying to have a go at you. I'm just saying, perhaps try to see it from her point of view.
    I'm not hurt, never said I was but I'm disappointed, as I said I guess people handle things differently but I was in her position and I was constantly impressed with my friend who had done so well. Always telling her she is amazing, an inspiration etc and in the meantime I felt like a huge fat blob because I thought sheesh if she can do it why can't I !
    But that's not her fault is it? That's my issue and I don't think I should ignore her amazing efforts due to my lack luster effort.
    I am not expecting anyone to be amazed with me, or hold me on a pedestal but a simple acknowledgment would of been so much less awkward than what she has made it for myself.
    I would post on my fb for example the day before my last weigh in "tomorrow is hopefully my last weigh in and then I am finished with my status updates and achieved my final goal, I'm so happy with how well I have done and look forward to finally going on that shopping spree :-)" just after that another friend would status update for eg "can't wait for the weekend" . She would 'like' that but ignore everything of mine.
    Its petty and I overthink things for sure but in my head im like serious it's the weekend once a week, it's not every week your friend looses 23 kilos (which was my final goal but I lost more), I just can't see how a simple acknowledgment on her behalf would be so hard!!!!
    I have another mutual friend of ours who I seriously can't recall her saying congrats or liking or anything like that but she calls me skinni mini and its sweet and she is the one who is having trouble and trying.
    I must think different to you.
    I have lost two babies, one due to molar pregnancy which is a cancer scare and very rare and one I gave birth too at 16 weeks almost 9 years ago.
    I again feel that although if I knew someone who had a miscarriage and I fell pregnant I would do my best to not rub it in their face but in saying that as I have had the tables turned and been the one with the losses I have never refrained from being thrilled for someone falling pregnant and having a healthy baby. I would never take that joy away, it is deserved well and truely and I would be their biggest fan club. Of course I'm not invisible to heart ache and jealousy of not having what they have but I do acknowledge the pregnancy in every way I can as well as say it is hard but I can't wait to have baby snuggles!!!!!
    I'm just not the type of person to take the joy that someone else is experiencing and turn it into being all about myself and how poorly I'm feeling.
    I believe if a friend can't truly be happy for you when you succeed at something you want so badly then that is an issue of theirs and that me noting that she has made no attempt to be vocal about my achievement is me being human and disappointed.

  5. #25
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    I definitely get what you're saying, trust me. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad for wanting to have a little validation for your efforts. Like I said, I've been in exactly the same shoes and the relief when you can simply walk down the street without feeling like scum is indescribable .

    I guess we do think different ways. Your perspective is "I'd be thrilled for my friend and want to show it!" and mine is "I'd feel bad for my friend and would want to protect her from her sadness".
    Neither one is wrong, just a different way of looking at things.

    As I've said, it's just that my point is that it's possible her way is different from yours too. It might be too painful for her to acknowledge at all without spiraling into depression.
    So give her a bit of time . Don't offer tips or suggestions until she comes to you and just keep a bit mum on it with her. You may find that (as with my bestie) she'll come to you for help when she's ready to acknowledge that she needs it and then she will probably feel better about celebrating with you .

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  7. #26
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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    I understand why you feel peeved. I think it creates awkwardness when it's such a big difference in the way you look. If you shaved your head would she ignore it?

    Congrats on the weightless, I'm sure you look and feel great.

    Ps sometimes you just have to get over your own issues, get your head out your ars3 and be happy for other people. It makes you feel better as opposed to bitter.

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    It can be really hard to watch others get what you want. In this case it's weight loss, but it could be anything. Perhaps you've been waiting for your partner to pop the question... yet you have a friend who's been with hers for all of 12 months and they're planning their wedding. Or maybe you've been trying to have a baby for a while, and everyone else seems to be having them easily. Or maybe you're struggling to find a job, but your friend announces she's been offered her pick of 3.

    It doesn't mean you're not happy for them, but when you're feeling miserable about your own situation, it can kind of rub it in a bit.

    Also, our own achievements matter to US... but they're not THAT MUCH of a big deal to anyone else. I love my weight loss, I love talking about it... I love talking about HOW it's happened and knowing that I might potentially help another fatty to lose weight like I did... but I also acknowledge that it's probably way more important and interesting to ME than to anyone else.

    She will have noticed, trust me, but maybe your success is making her more aware of her own failures. Try not to take it personally, and don't worry if she's not congratulating you. She will have noticed, she might just not be in a nice space mentally to want to congratulate you and be genuinely happy for you just yet.

    Congrats on your loss btw! Awesome effort.

  9. #28
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    Why does everyone assume the other lady is jealous with OP? They don't seem to be closed friends (she chose to jog with someone else not OP) so maybe she just doesn't care.

    I don't have a problem with people constantly posting about something on THEIR FB, I think people have the right to do whatever they want with their FB as long as it doesn't violate FB's t&c. If you find someone annoying, unfriend or hide them from your news update.

    Congratulations Kelly! You have great determination. Don't try to read too much into what your "friend" thinks.

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  11. #29
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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    I definitely get what you're saying, trust me. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad for wanting to have a little validation for your efforts. Like I said, I've been in exactly the same shoes and the relief when you can simply walk down the street without feeling like scum is indescribable .

    I guess we do think different ways. Your perspective is "I'd be thrilled for my friend and want to show it!" and mine is "I'd feel bad for my friend and would want to protect her from her sadness".
    Neither one is wrong, just a different way of looking at things.

    As I've said, it's just that my point is that it's possible her way is different from yours too. It might be too painful for her to acknowledge at all without spiraling into depression.
    So give her a bit of time . Don't offer tips or suggestions until she comes to you and just keep a bit mum on it with her. You may find that (as with my bestie) she'll come to you for help when she's ready to acknowledge that she needs it and then she will probably feel better about celebrating with you .
    Oh I have definately offered no helpful tips to her 
    That was for another friend of ours who was trying so very hard and getting no results and she was just like "how the heck did you do this it's so hard, where are my results" that's who I offered some advice and said to possibly see the dr as she really should have some sort of result!
    Nothing worse than working your butt off and having nothing to show for it 

  12. #30
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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by CakeyLoaf View Post
    I understand why you feel peeved. I think it creates awkwardness when it's such a big difference in the way you look. If you shaved your head would she ignore it?

    Congrats on the weightless, I'm sure you look and feel great.

    Ps sometimes you just have to get over your own issues, get your head out your ars3 and be happy for other people. It makes you feel better as opposed to bitter.
    I 100% find it awkward simply because I do feel like I have to tip toe and it's has got to the point where I'm like well I have really big financial problems at the moment and she knows it but she can brag on her Facebook about new boats, new spas just got back from 2 week trip overseas! I'm SOOOOO bloody jealous, I would love to be able to just take my kids on a trip to a damn caravan park somewhere nice in Vic!!! But is that her problem , hell no, I am super jealous and peeved we can't do any of that hell yes! Do I want her to feel awkward and not be able to share her excitement , no way! I liked all her photos and updates and asked her questions about everything that I could only wish I had!
    I'm to the point where it's like you can't have it both ways if that makes sense.
    I don't expect her to be quiet about her life nor should she ever have to and vice versa.
    Meh, so in conclusion I have gathered that her behaviour is just jealousy and likely from something she see's that I'm rubbing in her face.
    Oh well what's done is done! I look like a sexy mumma of 3 now and I'm thrilled with myself , yippee 


 

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