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  1. #11
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    Default Re: Jealous or Not!?

    Congrats Kelly! Very impressive. I think as PPs have said, she is probably not feeling great about her lack of weight loss. I personally don't mind the FB 'bragging.' It's nice to see others proud of their accomplishments, I know I'd probably shout it to the world too x

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    Congrats on your weight loss.

    Tbh I thunk posting about the same thing constantly no matter what the status is about rubs people up the wrong way.

    I have a friend who was single and she recently met someone. EVERY single status since then has mentioned him. Like I get she is just excited but everything in moderation. Maybe your friend is just sick of hearing about it!

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  4. #13
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    I agree with PP's, massive achievement and you should be very pleased with yourself.

    However... The oversharing stuff for some people becomes tiring and self indulgent. You've done well, you've shared the whole way along maybe time to give it a break and ask your friend how she's feeling - probably a little insecure and left behind after your massive success - and hardwork and very well deserved!

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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    I don't think updating my status when I constantly hit my goals ( all 4 of them) is excessive? It's taken 6 months to get here that's 25 weeks of weightloss and 4 updates accompanied with the 4 before and after from each goal to the next, it wasn't a weekly thing.
    She definately has no health issues, it's just lack of motivation I think. She tried 5 different 'fads' which she quit.
    I see her twice a day 5 times a week thanks to school and it is and was very frustrating that not once has she said well done and for me that is what I expect of friends.
    I was in the same boat as her a year ago, a friend who lives a bit away from me and myself planned to loose some weight. We both had a baby at the same time and both weighed the same.
    She ended up losing 17 kilos from June till January this year. I was so very proud of her even though I had ended up putting 3 kilos on :-/
    Maybe I just handle things differently, its just dissapointing. I actually would have liked some sort of congrats from a friend not to feel better about myself but to know that she actually cares.

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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Milktini View Post
    Well done! Of course you deserve to brag, you worked hard and it paid off I'd say the friend us jealous, sounds like you have much stronger willpower then her, good on you

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    Thanks to each of you for your congrats :-))

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    I understand that you want her to be proud of you and I think you're not really seeing the fact that she probably is. But it sounds like the only way that you feel that you're validated is if someone else says you've done well. Why do you need that? Did you do it for you or for everyone else?
    When I lost weight (nearly 40kg) my best friend lost some and then gained it all back. She's gained even more since. But I didn't talk about weightloss or what I'd achieved around her because I could see her heart practically breaking at how sad she was about her size.

    That was a trump card for me. Yes, seeing my friends happy for me is important. But seeing my friends happy for me whilst feeling low about themselves? No thanks.

    Enjoy your weightloss. Be proud of it. OWN it. But don't make it into a nightmare for your still overweight friend. She needs your support, not your judgement.

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    By the sounds of it you haven't excessively bragged, and so what if you did! I lost 15kg earlier this year in 3months and I bragged, I worked hard and it paid off. If s someone got shirty at me over that then it really shows what type of person they are, thankfully all my friends were super supportive which really kept my motivation up.

    Some people aren't "struggling" it is just possible that Kelly has worked her bum off to achieve what she has where as the other person hasn't, I don't think she needs to be told that she is being the judgy mcjudgy when her friend hasn't even said congratulations, or even acknowledged her loss.

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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    I understand that you want her to be proud of you and I think you're not really seeing the fact that she probably is. But it sounds like the only way that you feel that you're validated is if someone else says you've done well. Why do you need that? Did you do it for you or for everyone else?
    When I lost weight (nearly 40kg) my best friend lost some and then gained it all back. She's gained even more since. But I didn't talk about weightloss or what I'd achieved around her because I could see her heart practically breaking at how sad she was about her size.

    That was a trump card for me. Yes, seeing my friends happy for me is important. But seeing my friends happy for me whilst feeling low about themselves? No thanks.

    Enjoy your weightloss. Be proud of it. OWN it. But don't make it into a nightmare for your still overweight friend. She needs your support, not your judgement.
    No way do I need someone to validate me to feel better, I don't see the difference between this and someone falling pregnant when someone else had been trying for a few months. You'd still appreciate a congrats would you not!?
    I just find it selfish I guess. She makes a poor effort to loose weight and I know its poor, it's me 3 years ago. Your not gonna succeed on blue moon gym sessions and blue moon walks or blue moon healthy meals. It's bloody hard and if she was putting in 1/4 of what I have then I would of 200% kept my success on the hush hush just for her feelings on lack of weightloss.
    Just so happens since my success another mutual friend has decided its her time and she is working her *** off and getting no results! In my head I thought thank god this wasn't happening when I was doing so well as I would have felt awful .
    Instead I have shared my tips, said to get a few things checked as to why her weightloss isn't being successful and offered her to come with me on weekends to my steps activity .
    And might I add she is barely overweight. She is probably 167-168 cm and I would take a guess at 77 kilos, I wouldn't call that overweight at all but she just clearly wanted to shift some weight.
    I'm not sure why I should support her and where I have judged her!???
    Is she not the one who decided I was too unfit and fat for her to ask to go running so she cancelled our walks to go running with someone who was fitter without even the mention of an offer for me to come?

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    Default Jealous or Not!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Milktini View Post
    By the sounds of it you haven't excessively bragged, and so what if you did! I lost 15kg earlier this year in 3months and I bragged, I worked hard and it paid off. If s someone got shirty at me over that then it really shows what type of person they are, thankfully all my friends were super supportive which really kept my motivation up.

    Some people aren't "struggling" it is just possible that Kelly has worked her bum off to achieve what she has where as the other person hasn't, I don't think she needs to be told that she is being the judgy mcjudgy when her friend hasn't even said congratulations, or even acknowledged her loss.
    Well done to you :-)) it feels amazing doesn't it!!
    To be honest the whole thing turned me off the friendship anyway, it was generally a one way road with her and then when I started dropping all the weight I realized that it was possible everything had to revolve around her, she was the smallest in the group and probably the fittest.
    I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that she cares less about my achievement.
    Literally everyone else has been awesome, even my poor sister who has dads genes which is chubby, she has worked her butt off for years and just been unable to shake the extra 5 kilos. I'm now 6 kilos lighter than her, she is 6 years younger and no kids! If anyone I would think could and should be angry at my brags it's her but she is anything but that!
    Thanks for your support and congrats on your achievement!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    I agree, it's a fantastic loss. But I have the same problem with JaneDoe. I have a friend who constantly updates his weight loss goals and posting pictures of his healthy meals. It's a running commentary and oh my GOODNESS does it get annoying!
    His achievements have been amazing, but that doesn't mean that's all I ever want to hear about. In fact after many months it's pretty much the last thing I want to hear about *chuckle*.

    I've lost a heap of weight myself so I know exactly how proud you feel and how much you would like people should validate your efforts. You've done brilliantly! But keep in mind that if your friend is still the same size and still feeling miserable, she's probably not thinking "Look how well Kelly has done!". She's probably thinking "Look at how badly I've done".

    At the end of the day, if you're worried about the lack of congratulations from your friend perhaps you're not seeing the big picture, which is simply that you're very proud of what you've done and you're not shy about it.
    But she's not done well, and she'd not likely be proud of that. Constantly rubbing it in her face (whether you intend to hurt her feelings or not, and I'm SURE you're not doing it on purpose) isn't going to do anything but make her resentful.
    You shoud be very proud of yourself, It is dam hard to kose weight. I agree with the above. I have lost a lot of weight (88kgs) and i know some of my friends and family felt like that.


 

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