+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    ….. so much to say, to get off my chest.

    I live my Mum, Dad, my sister, her 2 kids (5,2) and my son (6).

    Mum came home last night, after 5 days up the coast at her Mums recuperating after her surgery, and I suppose thinking time as well. So, as I may have mentioned before Mum and Dad are not in the greatest of places at the moment. They may as well be living separate lives, for they speak to each other as much as you would speak to your work colleague. Dad doesn’t speak to my sister or I, and very rarely with the kids. Dad doesn’t treat Mum with respect and does not attempt to make life any easier now that Mum is the only bread winner and Dad is retired. My sister and I have always said Mum should leave- that kind of relationship wouldn’t be good enough for me, so why should it be good enough for the ones I love.
    Well, last night my sister comes in just before bed to tell me that Mum told her she was going to ask Dad to take the caravan and go and live in a caravan park 40min away.
    Than to slowly rebuild the relationship (not sure if this was meant to be with Mum, or us kids/grandkids- probably a combination/everyone). I’m not sure if Mum is thinking this to be a permanent thing, temporary, separated or divorce.
    I’m happy for Mum- it’s gotta be a step in the right direction but it’s not relief or happiness that I’m feeling. It’s anxiousness. I didn’t sleep well last night- clenching my teeth the whole night and waking up with my whole body very heavy and tired. I’m not sure why I’m anxious but I am.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Nothing so far.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    6,372
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    1,168
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Re: Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    That sounds like a positive thing for your mum. Perhaps you are feeling so anxious because you have wanted this so long and its taken you by surprise? Maybe you feel a bit of disbelief?
    My dad is a very draining person on our whole family and I asked my mum to leave him in the past. I know I'd be shocked if she actually did though!! I think no matter what its normal to worry for your parents.

    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Yeah, thanks Bubmum. Nothing has happened/changed so far. Perhaps my sister was exagerating, or perhaps it was said out of frustration/wishful thinking on my Mums part.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    272
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    103
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    Maybe she is building up the courage to ask him to leave that's why nothing has happened yet?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2,654
    Thanks
    795
    Thanked
    1,263
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    Not being mean or anything, but do you think that having you all living there is making it worse for them?

    From conversations I have had in generalized terms with my parents (very close to dad retiring) they would stress so much if they had any if us kids move back home, let alone with our children.
    It would ruin their lifelong plans for their retired years.

    Do you think maybe your dad just might be resentful or upset that he has to change his life now?
    And share your mother with all of you everyday???

    I wouldn't find that a very easy situation to live in

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Lumpy Melon For This Useful Post:

    SassyMummy  (04-09-2012)

  8. #7
    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Under Your Bed
    Posts
    2,864
    Thanks
    2,361
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Lumpy Melon View Post
    Not being mean or anything, but do you think that having you all living there is making it worse for them?

    From conversations I have had in generalized terms with my parents (very close to dad retiring) they would stress so much if they had any if us kids move back home, let alone with our children.
    It would ruin their lifelong plans for their retired years.

    Do you think maybe your dad just might be resentful or upset that he has to change his life now?
    And share your mother with all of you everyday???

    I wouldn't find that a very easy situation to live in
    Ild have to agree with limpy here. I know tho not all parents are the same mine would be happy if the kids and I moved in, not forever of course but some parents like the kids dads parents would not be happy at all. They wont say it but they arnt. It's very hard situation to be in. Maybe you an your sis should move out together for a bit to give them a bit of space?

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Hi Guys,

    Thanks for replying. I really appreciate you trying to help.

    I can't say for certain that we arn't making it worse. Certainly not for Mum- she has said that if we weren't there, there wouldn't be that buffer, but I do beleive there are issues there. There have been for quite some time. I'm not really sure how to explain it, I think his focus has always been money and how to get more of it for himself, now rather than future.

    He wanted to do seperate finances with my mum earlier in the marriage. You pay this bill, I'll pay this bill. One of his was electricity and he used to go nuts about turning off the lights/tv etc (fair enough). Now it's Mum paying it, he doesn't care. Will leave lights on all over the house all night, tv blaring etc.
    Also, Mum was earning about the same or less than him at that stage but was good at budgeting. Now she's earning double what he was earning.

    Chraged us kids board as soon as we got jobs.

    Stopped talking to my older sister (from a previous marriage of my Mums) at 16- coincidentally when child support stopped.

    When he was looking at retiring, it was agreed (between him and I) that I would move in and pay $XXX amount of money board. I am, but now he wants more.

    Was willing to lie to Centrelink about Mum and him being together to get the aged pension (Mum wasn't willing to do it).

    Mum suggested legal seperation and Dad said he had already looked into that (did he not think that he should have mentioned that to Mum?), said he can't do it (I know he can) but I think he realised its in his best interest to stay, let Mum keep working and pay off the house which will see him with more money (haven't told anyone this, just speculation on my part).

  10. #9
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Re: Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    That sounds very materialistic on his part It must be hard on you to think that's how his priorities lie


    It's no wonder you are stressed about what your sister said tho, it's a big life change. I don't think you should feel any responsibility for their relationship tho, you say it's always been like this so if you were still 10 or 15 would you be at fault? It's their relationship and their lives. Don't blame yourself. Who's to say having you at home is not actually helping your mum? Obviously I don't know the ins and outs, just offering another perspective

    **Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Blue Mountains
    Posts
    267
    Thanks
    97
    Thanked
    115
    Reviews
    25

    Default Anxious- Mum and Dad are.....

    What a horrible situation you have found yourself in and being anxious and uncertain is a given. I hope everything works out for you and all involved xoxo


 

Similar Threads

  1. Anxious
    By janeydee in forum Pregnancy Tests & Help / Support with Results
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-07-2012, 14:00
  2. 12+3 and quite anxious - what should i do?
    By Buttoneska in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 26-04-2012, 19:24
  3. Anxious.....
    By Kusyldipet in forum Pregnancy Health Issues
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 31-03-2012, 10:17

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pyjamas.com.au
With so many gorgeous brands and styles for every season, our pyjamas, nighties, robes, sleepsuits and sleeping bags are lovely for lights out and perfect for lazy days. Get 10% off first order using code bubhub. Be quick offer ends 31/12/16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Medela Australia
Our goal is to give mothers and babies the best possible support for a great and long lasting breastfeeding experience. Medela have a full range of breastpumps and breastcare products, suited to every need and lifestyle.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!