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  1. #1
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    Default Unplanned babies V Planned Question...

    Do you think that if you planned to have children in your life your lifestyle is different to those who didnt plan on having children but ended up having them by accident?
    Lets see if I can explain my question....

    My friend had a child to a one night stand, she didnt want kids but she kept it and now has a 5 year old who she adores. She has her bad times where she just doesnt know what she is doing in life because she didnt plan for this.

    She just got back from a girls trip to Bali and is now wanting to plan another trip someone else. She wants me to go but frankly I dont plan on going on any trip without my kids.

    Dont get me wrong, I will have a weekend away with me and DP but I would much prefere family holidays etc.

    So do you think people who didnt 'want' kids are different to ones that did? As in, would it be because she never planned a life with children, she just doesnt have that family type feeling as she wants to do things as a family? Or is it just a personal thing? She wants girly time and all that?

    For me, I am a family type person. Weddings, parties, holidays. I want family there, even screaming babies and naughty toddlers.

    Just want thoughts. Not judging. Just wondering if it is the norm for unexpected pregnancies.

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    Default Unplanned babies V Planned Question...

    No I think it all comes down to the individual. I've seen guys in relationships who want kids but it doesn't stop them sleeping in on weekends or playing golf all weekend or having drinks after work each day. Other guys are kid guys and want to be with them all the time. Just the person.

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    Default Unplanned babies V Planned Question...

    Quote Originally Posted by samken View Post
    No I think it all comes down to the individual. I've seen guys in relationships who want kids but it doesn't stop them sleeping in on weekends or playing golf all weekend or having drinks after work each day. Other guys are kid guys and want to be with them all the time. Just the person.
    Yeah I agree. Ive got an ex-friend who planned her DS and really just can't be bothered being around him. She would prefer to pop him in his play pen and spend the rest of the day in her kitchen drinking coffee.

    Very much the individual I think.

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    I don't think so. DD was planned and I always knew I wanted kids. But I LOVE my time by myself as well.

    I don't think people who do like time by themselves/with just their friends necessarily don't ever want children.

    Presumably your friend is a single parent, she probably doesn't get a lot of interaction with other adults on a day to day basis, no wonder she enjoys a break with her friends!

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    Default Unplanned babies V Planned Question...

    All 3 of mine were surprises (read unplanned lol) but I would much rather spend time with them and DP and occasionally the extended family (esp my niece) than go out socializing all the time. I enjoy adult conversation but have found that I can get that spending time with my family better than spending time out most of the time. But that's just me I think lol. I'm a bit of a homebody really

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    I think it just depends on the person.

    I know people who planned kids, but the mother was eager to head back to work when the baby was 6 weeks old, spends a lot of time away from the kids, etc.

    Then there's me, who pretty much didn't spend any time apart from my daughter until she was a few years old and have certainly never been on holidays without her in all of her 7 years of life. I didn't plan her, and I fell pregnant at 18. I want time apart for a night or two because I didn't get to be a carefree youth, but it doesn't make me less of a mother, it just means I acknowledge that I also enjoy adult company rather than "family" get-togethers all the time.

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    My DD one was not planned but I was a workaholic, I did not party or drink and when I was not working I was pumping weights in the gym or going for long runs. When my DD came along I worked until I gave birth then did everything I use to with her by my side. I have no desire to travel, party, shop or what ever. I am happy to work out in my gym, read books and play with my girls(when not at work looking after other people's children while my kids are at school). Each to their own, we all have our desires and what makes us happy for majority of the parents at my work they go out often( know this as they always ask us to baby sit or to recommend someone). We all have what we "need" and their is nothing wrong with that as we are people with needs/wants/desires not just parents
    Last edited by fairyflossfairy; 28-08-2012 at 17:12.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    I don't think so. DD was planned and I always knew I wanted kids. But I LOVE my time by myself as well.

    I don't think people who do like time by themselves/with just their friends necessarily don't ever want children.

    Presumably your friend is a single parent, she probably doesn't get a lot of interaction with other adults on a day to day basis, no wonder she enjoys a break with her friends!
    Yes single mum but not the normal single mum lol Gets lots of alone time and a lot of adult interaction lol

    Yeah I guess it is really just an individual thing. I just stressed a bit that she will ask me why I dont want to go with her and I will turn around and say because I wouldnt go on a holiday without my kids and she will get all touchy and emotional about it thinking I am turning it around as she isnt a good parent because she doesnt want to take her son etc etc She is very erm... OTT. She relies a lot on other peoples opinions.

    I just thought maybe because this is the life I wanted I am more family orientated than her because she didnt want this life.

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    Default Re: Unplanned babies V Planned Question...

    Nope, i think it depends entirely on the person.

    I know a person with 1 planned ds who gets p!ssed alot, complains about not being able to go out partying etc and just went over seas for 1 week without her ds despite saying he is super clingy and she is over being a sole parent (his father has him every other weekend.to my knowledge )

    My ds was planned and i have not been 'out' without him since he was 4 months old (went to the movies), i wouldnt dream of ever going on a holiday / over seas without him while he is still young

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleigh View Post
    Yes single mum but not the normal single mum lol Gets lots of alone time and a lot of adult interaction lol

    Yeah I guess it is really just an individual thing. I just stressed a bit that she will ask me why I dont want to go with her and I will turn around and say because I wouldnt go on a holiday without my kids and she will get all touchy and emotional about it thinking I am turning it around as she isnt a good parent because she doesnt want to take her son etc etc She is very erm... OTT. She relies a lot on other peoples opinions.

    I just thought maybe because this is the life I wanted I am more family orientated than her because she didnt want this life.
    Well you are only telling the truth, sounds like she is a bit sensitive about it. She probably feels a bit guilty that she goes without her DS, but I imagine that if she had to take him she wouldn't go at all. I would prefer holidays without DD to be honest. Whenever I go on holidays with her it feels like the same old cr@p with different scenery, lol. But I would feel too guilty if I didn't take her. Hence I don't go on holidays very often... which is hard when everyone around you is about to embark on a 6 week tour of eastern Europe, or two weeks on the beach in Vanuatu, or a huge trip to Vegas...


 

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