+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Legitimate pain but my brother tries to shut me up so he wont have to care

    You have provided a lot of words (thankyou) but there isn't much detail in them so it's hard to offer advice.

    What happened to you that was so bad? Why are you so angry at your brother and mother? Are you seeing a counsellor by yourself?

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think you should see a councillor, if only to examine why you hold your brother accountable for your past and why you hold him responsible for your mental health?

    As VicPark said, you kind of threw a lot of words in there at me. I believe you also accused me of being cruel at one point in there and perpetrating domestic abuse, since that seems to be the biggest problem you've had.

    But I'm no closer to understanding why your brother needs to be held responsible for your mental health, your past hurts and your future ones?

    I may have misunderstood, but it sounded like you expect him to be responsible for you and your children at present and in the future? Honestly, if I were your brother, I'd also have a problem with that, and that's not me being cruel, it's about self preservation.

    Trauma I can understand, as can a lot of women on this board, but it sounds like you don't want to take responsibility for your future yourself and want to just dump it on someone else and let it be like that. You want to take all the pain and hurt and anguish you've suffered in your life and dump it on your brothers head. I wouldn't allow it either. It isn't his responsibility. To care for you? Yes. To care about your children? Yes. To take responsibility for your husbands past actions and have every wrong that's ever been done to you dumped on him? No.

    As I said, I could be mistaken, but it doesn't sound like you actually want to build a relationship with your brother. It sounds more like you're looking for someone to heap a whole world of pain and hurt on, which is why I ask what you hope to achieve.

    You want him to be understanding of your past hurts, and understand how his apparent indifference has injured you, but if you take this same attitude, when people are trying to help you and simply accuse them of cruelty and "shutting you up" you are never going to get anywhere, and you'll likely succeed in alienating your brother even more.

    As you haven't provided more information into yoour issues, then I can only reply with the information given. You can't tell us half a story and expect people to be able to respond as if they know the full one. It just doesn't work. And from the information you've given, and your attitude toward people who have tried to give constructive advice, the information we've kind of gotten about your brother, the fact that you only really seem to want sympathy and the fact that you kind of just sound like you want him to take responsibility for everything, then yes, your posts do sound somewhat self pitying, so I can only respond accordingly.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Jennaisme For This Useful Post:

    Stiflers Mom  (29-08-2012)

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,129
    Thanks
    5,083
    Thanked
    1,220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Re: Legitimate pain but my brother tries to shut me up so he wont have to care

    Quote Originally Posted by sylvia1111 View Post
    He hasnt switched off. He was never switched on. We were never a connected family...
    You answer your own question. He is not doing anything different to what he has always done, why would he change now? You can't change another person, you can only help yourself.

    You can't change history, but you can change the future. It sounds like you have succeeded in this by creating a loving family for your children. Stop dwelling and enjoy the family that cares.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    104
    Thanks
    81
    Thanked
    37
    Reviews
    0
    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Sylivia I think you need to affirm the above, take it into your life and meditate on it regularly.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    4,589
    Thanks
    1,303
    Thanked
    2,569
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    You sound like you carry a lot of pain that you feel you need to unload onto your brother.
    Thsi may sound harsh and i am sorry if it does. Why after not caring for you all your life do you expect your brother to come to counselling and care now?
    As for your children, why would you want him anywhere near them if he has mistreated you?
    I think you really need some counselling for yourself so you can accept what has happened throughout your life and move on.

  7. #16
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    833
    Thanks
    1,150
    Thanked
    420
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sylvia, honey, sounds like things are going through your head at a million miles an hour I'd be surprised if you can think straight with all that going on.
    I suggest you see your doctor to see if there is any medication you can take to help slow your thought processes down so you can break things into smaller pieces to deal with.
    Good luck, remember the most important person to love you, is you yourself!

  8. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Sydney South
    Posts
    1,923
    Thanks
    1,233
    Thanked
    854
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hi Sylvia,


    I have family who have never been there for me, have always been there for me and due to some indifferences have stopped being there for me even in my time of need. Unfortunately as much as it sucks you are not going to change people Yes family should be there for you through thick and thin but sometimes it is just not that way and you are only going to hurt yourself carrying this baggage.

    Like the others I cannot understand what you expect to get from having your brother come to a counselling session. It sounds like you expect the councillor to just fix everything for you since your mother and brother haven't. I truly hope you are not disappointed with how this all turns out.

    To be honest your messages sound more like a rant than a discussion which is ok. I have ranted on BH so many times but it sounds lik you are only seeking sympathy from everyone not advice or support. I can tell by your need to just ramble out you saddness/expectations to everyone instead of actally answering questions.

    Yes trauma is trauma but harping on about it is self pity - if you are crying out for help which I think you are try to call on people who will help you. I am sorry ot say I dont think it will be your brother/mother and you will just do yourself more damage getting your hopes up and having them crash.

    i will keep you in my thoughts

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Meld85 For This Useful Post:

    Guest1234  (29-08-2012)

  10. #18
    Eko's Avatar
    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
    Winner 2012 - Most Politically Correct Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2,837
    Thanks
    1,083
    Thanked
    1,427
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Re: Legitimate pain but my brother tries to shut me up so he wont have to care

    Move on. Stop living with the ghosts of things that once were. You can't change your family. Don't try.
    Live YOUR life for YOU. That's all you can do.

    My family don't give a rats about me either and I learnt a long time ago that their actions are their problem. If I keep trying to make them into the family they aren't then I'm just living in a fantasy world. It's not who they are.
    I have minimal contact with my family and my life is happier for it.

    In regards to your brother, what do you really think would happen? He'd break down and beg forgiveness for not being there for you? That he'd be your constant support and guide for the rest of your days? It sounds like you're trying to set him up as your long lost father figure and that's not fair on him. He's your sibling, not your parent.

    I really feel for you because my family doesn't care about me either. But I've accepted it and moved on long ago. Perhaps you should do the same.

  11. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    224
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    We all move on.
    some want to see if any care connection understanding can be improved and others don't want to try in their families .
    I understand it may not improve and can be hurtful .

    Many people do well due to supportive family aswell as of course their own efforts
    many despite their family keep going

    Its ok if you don't want to try to see if your connection can be improved for future .its ok if you don't understa that it's been painful for me and you criticise me if I express that . It's ok if you don't understand that people will criticise a woman rather than try to understand legitimate pain .

    Its ok if u think ever expressing or trying to improve something is in your view living in the past .
    Last edited by sylvia1111; 30-08-2012 at 07:58.


 

Similar Threads

  1. shut up cow.....vent
    By Ishtyban in forum General Chat
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 06-04-2013, 09:56
  2. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-10-2012, 15:03

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Riverton Leisureplex
An Extreme Family Pass at Riverton Leisureplex is the ultimate way to cool off during the summer school holidays. The $30 Pass allows pool and waterslide access for 2 adults and 2 children, as well as a drink, popcorn and an icy pole for each person.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Einsteinz Music
Fun & interactive music classes!
Classes are taught by professional musicians! Children are taught the fundamentals of music: beat, pitch, rhythm and tempo through hands-on experience. Click for more details!!!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!