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  1. #11
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    Default Girls and puberty. How to deal with it all...Im worried.

    I was recently thrown into this and it is scary as a parent or carer to know how important it is to get this stuff right for our girls!

    I found that the age appropriate books about changing bodies really helped with topic starters and let our little person feel open with asking questions.

    I remember that this was not a conversation topic which was openly and freely discussed when I was younger so I guess I want it to be not taboo in our house. I think the body language and tones you use when talking really can have an impact! I've tried to make sure I look and sound comfortable with talking about all things puberty even when inside I'm uncomfortable as hell! Like the time when our 11 year old asked of she could have one, referring to the condoms in the dispenser in the ladies public toilets and then asking why not, and what they were for! Lol!

    I think your doing all the "right" things in being open and honest with your DD.

  2. #12
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    Just revisiting....other books anyone can suggest???

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    I was mortified when I was going through puberty. It was a really awful, confronting time. You feel like everyone knows and there is a focus on your body. I would keep talking and especially talk about hormones, I never knew about PMT as a teenager, I wish I had because then you can deal with it properly rather than just feeling like you're a bi%ch most of the time.

    Classic old books by Judy Blume were helpful because the girls in them voiced some of the worries young girls have, Tiger Eyes, Are you there god its me margaret etc... and normalise the way we feel.

    Good luck, sounds like you're already really aware of how she is feeling.

  4. #14
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    I read a book called what's happening to me, explained boys and girls.

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    I'm not sure of any books but I really recommend being prepared before periods actually start. I remember when I got mine at school I was extremely embarrassed having to go home and tell mum. I had no pads/tampons to use and I was dreading it all day. Perfect way to make an awkward situation even worse!

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    I don't know how useful it is but there's Girl Stuff by Kaz Cooke that may be alright. A bit silly, and not all about your body, but general lifestyle of a teenage girl... so it might be a little less confronting than a book full of info about puberty.

    We had The Puberty Book and What's Happening to Me as a kid. I didn't like What's Happening to Me, because it had some realistic drawings of nude girls and how their bodies look at various years of life. I was always annoyed that I was about 12, but looked like the 17-year-old body. P*ssed me off that I was well ahead of where I *should* have been.

  7. #17
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    I would just keep reassuring her that it is all natural and normal and part of becoming a woman.

    I was not very forward about talking to my mum, I don't know why because she didn't do anything to make me feel uncomfortable, and my sister was comfortable talking to her (but I think my sister was part of the reason I am more guarded...whole other story). She may just be more private so maybe if you think that she doesn't want to come right out and tell you, have a non-confrontational code between you, even if she just hangs a scarf on the door knob or something, just so she can feel comfortable.

    It is so hard to silence the influences of other kids saying things like "It's dirty".

  8. #18
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    I'm going to preface this by saying I grew up in a very logic dominated family. Everything was always presented to me as fact or opinion, depending, and I was always told which was which.

    Anyway, when I hit puberty I started having the temper tantrums, screaming at my mum that I hated being a girl, I didn't want my period, I didn't do anything wrong so why was I being punished, etc. at the time I got absolutely horrendous cramps that had me curled up in the fetal position, whimpering and crying from them.

    My mums response was "I know. And I know it hurts. But there's nothing you or I can do to change it. It's part of nature and will happen whether you like it or not. Physically, it is what it is and no matter what you do, it will always be."

    I found it comforting, mainly because at the time, despite knowing the ins and outs of it physically, I didn't realise the effects the hormones would have. And they were really, really terrible. Violently so sometimes. Anyway, I found it comforting because that bit didn't change. Everything was still ruled with logic first and emotions second from my family. I mostly was able to stay calm and stay me, though some months were far worse than others. I just had to remind myself that *I* wasn't ruled by my hormones and emotions before, my body had never decided it was the boss and it wouldn't that time.

    Anyway, my point is, stay normal. Don't be all overly sympathetic if you never have been before, but don't be all cool about it if you haven't been before either. Just act like its a totally normal part of life with her and you. If she gets too out of hand pull her up on it, but otherwise don't make a big deal about it, especially if she's shy. If she comes to you to apologies, ask if she has any questions or anything and if not, then just let her be. If she's shy about it, surprising her with a book would probably make it worse.

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    I remember HATING puberty. I cried the day I realised I would not be flat chested any more. Kind of like some of the other posters, I just didnt want to have to worry about all this stuff. And reassurances that this is all part of becoming a woman was not what I wanted to hear because at that stage having kids etc was not even approaching my realm of thoughts about the future, so why would I have wanted to change into a woman when I was already happy with what seemed a pretty good set up?

    Mum was always pretty open about this stuff, but I did not feel comfortable talking to her as it was my body and I felt like this had never happened to anyone anywhere before (good teenager-y angst there). And so vulnerable and out of control, why were all these things suddenly happening to me.

    Boobs turned up at 12 but my period only started when I was 14 though. And to be honest, when I did tell her, I was kind of glad it had finally started seeing as I was such a late bloomer ,the last of all my friends, and she totally squashed that moment for me by saying "what, you want me to be happy for you or something? I wont be because periods are horrible and you'll hate them." Not quite what I was hoping for! Even now I am too scared to share a lot of pregnancy stuff with her because I don't know how she'll respond.

    I like the scarf idea. Other than that I have no suggestions, just a reassurance that it might not be that she's afraid to talk to you, but that she just doesn't want to talk about it much at all.

  10. #20
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    For me my mum got a bunch of books on puberty from the library and put them on my bed and told me she put them there and if I didnt want to look at them it didnt matter but she would take them from my room again in a week.

    I was curious even tho I didn't want mum to know I was so I did look at them.
    My friends were getting periods etc before me so I saw it as I wanted to get it cuz all the girls were growing up. I was about 14 though so I understand the age difference.

    I think let her read and look at books by herself and say if she has any question that she can come to u because u know all about it and maybe tell her about when you got your period and your friends and how it was at school.

    Also some of the pads packets can be pretty so get some of those ones for her to try. Even before her period so she knows what it will feel like.
    Sounds like she is ovulating so could be any day now xx


 

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