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  1. #71
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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahlsandbubs View Post
    He has told me that he doesnt have beliefs so this was a shock to me more than anything.. He doesnt do anything that jewish people do he doesnt follow any part of it, i think its something he came up with on the spot
    I think he made it up on the spot too. My husband is Jewish and hasn't mentioned anything like that. He wasnt allowed to stay overnight in the hospital but he came very early in the morning to bring me food and take care of bub, they let him in no problem.

    Good luck with counselling! Maybe try not to be too stressed, you don't need more things on your mind now. Put you and bub on top priority. If he punched someone, security and police would take care of it, it maybe your 'easy way out' if he was indeed that crazy.
    Last edited by lovesushi; 25-08-2012 at 14:42.

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  3. #72
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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by wherewerewe91 View Post
    Its a security issue, its a fire safety issue, its a funding issue.
    The only place I've ever seen partners be allowed to stay overnight is in the Birth Centre (they have double beds) and thats only whenever if you give birth in the late arvo/evening/early morning and your 6-9hours post-birth includes overnight or a lot of the private hospitals now advertise double beds for the partner to stay overnight.

    Reasons against it: First and foremostly its a security and privacy issue. There's enough problems with innappropriate sexual behaviour in maternity wards and the shared bathrooms without allowing partners to stay overnight. How would you like it if you were in a shared room and the couple next to you started getting it on. There's also the problem of potential sexual assault of other women in the ward and staff.

    There's the privacy issue, if you're having breastfeeding problems or trying to get to the bathroom because you need to change your pad every hour the last thing you need is strange males hanging about the place and using the bathroom.

    And then public hospitals don't want to have to pay for all the extra meals. You have to have single beds in case of emergency (so you can reach the woman from both sides), and then theres a fire safety issue if you start putting rollaway beds in all the rooms in addition to the cots and all the other cr@p in there.

    Can you early discharge so you don't have to stay overnight or only one night?
    I was saying I DONT get the tantrum cos its not allowed, i know why it is not.

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  4. #73
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    Tell him you don't get a private room unless you pay for one! He can't pay for public and then expect private treatment.

    If he has such a problem with it, he can find the money to pay for birth at a private hospital!

    Honestly though, if he's going to carry on like this about not getting what he wants, then he's not going to be a good father. You have to give up so much to be a parent and he's not willing to budge at all. The first warning sign is how he's a bad parent figure to your daughter.

    You can do so much better. So can your kids.

  5. #74
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    My dad isnt around and my mum passed away, its just me. I cant break lease either and we have 6 months left on it.

    I think that yes i do make too many excuses and im feeling really torn. I want to be with him but i want him to make a change, we have the councelling for that to happen but do i do a seperation in the mean time until i see a change?

    He is a great provider, if we need something he will make sure we have it, if im too sore he will help me with things i need to have done. Right now he is at work trying to make sure we have enough money for when bubs comes..

    I think you need to stop making excuses and start making a plan to get out. You might be stuck on a 6 month lease so use that as a time frame to plan and save and to eventually leave.
    Abuser will rarely ever change. You will probably find counselling won't help. You need to do what is right by you and especially your children. What sort of example are you setting them by staying? Do you want them growing up thinking that's the normal way to treat women/be treated as a woman?

    I've been in your situation. I have no family or friends for support. I was 100% on my own. It was hard to leave. It took a lot of planning and saving and eventually luck in getting approved for my own rental. Things aren't always easy but we are 1000% happier now that we are no longer constantly walking on egg shells waiting for the ex's next abusive outburst.
    My ex started off pretty tame, just the occasional outburst here and there but it escalated and got so much worse over time. I think its quite often the case when it comes to abusive men so just be very careful.

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  7. #75
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by wherewerewe91 View Post
    Not sure how it works in Victoria, but if he pulled that kinda sh$t up here in Queensland, not only would security be removing him from the hospital, staff would most likely file assault charges with you, DOCS would get involved as he is now violent and worst case scenario they would not allow the baby home with you unless you were going to a different residence from him.

    So tell him to pull his head in and stop acting like a d$ck otherwise, his actions for a split second could result in very very severe consequences.
    I work at a hospital as a nurse (QLD) and often am sent to maternity ward when they need extra help, and I can confirm if he even starting raising his voice to nurses they would get security immediately. Also if he proceeded to be violent/disruptive then most likely the nurses would put in a request for investigation under DOCS, they don't tolerate any nonsense in hospitals, especially not mine and when it comes to baby and mums safety! So hopefully he can keep a lid on his temper. Could you perhaps put in a specific request for a single room? If they are full then you won't get one, but if there are some available sometimes all it takes is to ask nicely good luck.

  8. #76
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    Wow I hardly know where to start. First, I'm sorry he is putting you thru this, this is a time that is about you and the baby. All I hear is what he wants, you have to listen to HIM, respect HIS beliefs. The bottom line is that in public hospitals the father can't stay overnight. Yes it sucks, having had 2 c/s I would have loved my partner to be there to help with getting the baby out so I didn't hurt my tummy.

    You say he's not normally like this... I'm trying to be polite here, but you say you've been together less than a year. That's a very new relationship and in that time people tend to put their best foot forward so to speak. I suspect this may be the beginning of a pattern of abusive behaviour. So let me jot down what you've said, just so you can see it for yourself:

    *he has threatened, several times, to assault staff if he doesn't get his own way, which is a blanket rule for ALL fathers infact all visitors.

    *he has blamed the hospital, and you for this threats bc you and the hospital aren't respecting his 'beliefs' (what about your 'belief' of having some rest time???)

    * there is a classic DV pattern developing - he looses the plot, blames you, then sucks up to you, then it builds again

    *Despite having a baby together and living your life together, both you and him consider your DD your responsibility (I have GF's who have kids to exs and their current partner raises them as their own child in every way)

    *he doesn't want to bring her to the hospital bc it's about 'his' family (is your DD not part of the family?)

    *he is manipulating you, and as someone else said, very obvious gas lighting going on.

    Now if you read this list from another member about themselves, what would you say to them?

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  10. #77
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by oleander View Post
    There would be no way I would even want to leave my daughter with him. He sounds like a nutcase.
    This is what I think! I was reading and thinking don't leave her alone with him. Sounds like he may have a Few surprises for you personality wise. It has only been a year that you have been together. I wouldn't chance it. Leave her with her father if you can. Sounds
    Iike such a Horrible situation. Hope it all works out for you.
    Last edited by Jennybaby; 25-08-2012 at 21:02.

  11. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by singlemumma82 View Post
    Personally, for me, this would be a major deal breaker and set off some mega alarm bells.
    this.

  12. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahlsandbubs View Post
    So im going to be having my baby at a hospital in melbourne where if you have a shared room your family cant come in until visiting hours (2pm) . Telling my dp about this tonight when he got home from work and he was not impressed.

    He said that if they didnt let him stay in the maternity ward he would start punching nurses and doctors out.. He would refuse to leave. I said that i didnt need that stress when having a newborn baby and just given birth + i would need him to go and get my daughter from previous relationship so she could see the newborn if i had her ( shared custody with ex ).

    Upon telling him this again he said that he would say it was religious belief and would not leave as it was taking time away from "his" family.

    I was really hurt by this. Yes i understand that its his baby too but for him to not care about the extra stress a scene would cause was dramatic to me. I told him that i would just check out as soon as ive had the baby and go home instead. I dont need the extra crap..

    To add to this im not sure if im overreacting due to being tired very sore and i havent had sex in a while due to being sore so im frustrated as well...

    What would you guys do????
    What's the big deal if he can't come in until 2pm? This will give you the whole morning to establish your bonding with your baby and so you can rest as well, it's not like he will be breastfeeding. 2pm is hardly 7pm if you get what i mean. From 2pm he will still get ''hours'' of time to spend with baby.. I don't get why he's carrying on like he's the one giving birth, if it were my husband i would tell him to P!$$ off and grow up. It's only for a few days in hospital, seriously, is it worth THAT much of a tantrum for him to have?

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  14. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    What's the big deal if he can't come in until 2pm? This will give you the whole morning to establish your bonding with your baby and so you can rest as well, it's not like he will be breastfeeding. 2pm is hardly 7pm if you get what i mean. From 2pm he will still get ''hours'' of time to spend with baby.. I don't get why he's carrying on like he's the one giving birth, if it were my husband i would tell him to P!$$ off and grow up. It's only for a few days in hospital, seriously, is it worth THAT much of a tantrum for him to have?
    Tbh, I understand where he's coming from in regards to the homicidal rage about being kept away from his kid. I'd be the same, to the point of wanting to tear the hospital apart with my bare hands.
    What mother wouldn't do the same? Would you quietly and meekly accept only being allowed to spend the first few days of your babys life, the most important bonding time, a few hours here and there, for security reasons or not?
    Or would you only see strangers keeping you apart from your new born child, when she's the most vulnerable, and keeping her out of your protective circle? < This is how I'd see it.

    The rest of it I don't agree with, and if he is abusive, I highly encourage you to leave the relationship, but I do think PPers don't take into consideration of how they'd feel in this situation, so calling him crazy and violent, etc, is out of line and uncalled for. Most parents would react the same way to suddenly finding out they are being kept apart from their children, even if they internalise it...

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