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  1. #61
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    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
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    Quote Originally Posted by RunawayPrincess View Post
    Hold up! YOU are not putting the staff at the hospital at risk, this is not your issue to control. It's his issue! He is manipulating and controlling you, and it seems to be working!
    I'm just quoting this to reiterate because it's spot on.

    I think you need to find out what his 'religious' beliefs are. I've yet to hear of a religion that insists he be at hospital with the mother and that the mother must not have any other contact with her support network otherwise he will start threatening violence. Anyway, religion is NO excuse for abusive, negligent and dishonourable behaviour. People seem to think that just because something is someone's religion that it MUST be allowed, no questions asked and if you do question you're deemed to being rude, incentive and intolerable. No!

    Does anyone know where that information is on the cycle of abuse? I think that might be great reading for the OP.

    OP - as I said before, please keep posting. It doesn't necessarily have to be on this issue, we think you need support and the hubbers are hear to listen and help. xxx

  2. #62
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    Tbh i don't get the over night thing, where i am from it is just what happens, dads are allowed to be there outside of visiting hours (except rest time) but not stay over night, the hospital only has single beds

    Sent from my MB526 using BubHub
    Same here. I had DD at Monash Clayton (Vic) and partners are allowed from 8am to 8pm but not overnight. I think this is pretty reasonable.

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    You know he's abusive, it's excellent you can see that.

    I recommend asking to see a social worker at your next hospital appointment, they'll be able to help you leave this situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    You know he's abusive, it's excellent you can see that.

    I recommend asking to see a social worker at your next hospital appointment, they'll be able to help you leave this situation.
    The worst thing is i dont want to leave... Is something wrong with me? We rarely fight and this is the first in about 2 months .. maybe its just a small fight.. we are booked in for relationship councelling in the next few weeks ( waiting list ) and i hope it helps

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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Have you ever heard of the term "gas lighting"??

    You seem to be doubting your reactions and feelings toward him and the situation and questioning whether you are over reacting.
    Stop doubting yourself.
    Have a read of this and see if any of it rings true...

    http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/po...ing-gaslighted


    http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog...t-“crazy”/
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 25-08-2012 at 11:34.

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  7. #66
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    Is it possible that you rarely fight because you are so accommodating and don't ask as much as you should of him?

    Even if they were his beliefs, the hospital is certainly not going to bend over backwards for him. I went public in an area with a high muslim population, and a woman who was very insistent that she only wanted women to attend to her was told that it would depend who happened to be on when she went into labour, and if she couldn't be treated by a male she needed to make other arrangements as they couldn't make any promises. They have muslims on staff so I am sure they are respectful but they don't have the resources to accommodate everyone's beliefs.I don't know much about Jewish beliefs but I've never heard that the dad has to stick around the whole time after the birth?

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    delirium  (25-08-2012),intruderalert1234  (25-08-2012)

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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahlsandbubs View Post
    Thanks for all your advice girls. Yeh when i spoke to the nurses they said he def could not be there under any circumstances unless you had a private room. As i said he has apologized for the way he flew off the handle, but im now feeling very unsure about everything..

    He is more mature than my ex who is 35 now, and provides for us more, he interacts with my daughter more than my ex.
    I have alot of thinking to do. I told him last night that this might be the end, he started crying and saying he was sorry he was just really hurt that i didnt take into consideration his beliefs and feelings...

    Im sorry but if im going into labor its all about me and what i want, and afterwards i want to rest. I told him im coming straight home after i have baby, i dont need to put the nurses at hospital at risk and i dont need the extra stress.. He then said no friends are allowed over for 3 days and he wants me to rest and he will do everything, looking after my daughter cleaning cooking etc.. I told him not to bother because if im home i will be doing things myself, The rest time is at hospital. And if i want to have a mate come over and see me i will... again this created another argument as it was going against his beliefs .. ( which were never there to start with ).
    Get out of there hun. This is a classically abusive and manipulative man who could be capable of anything if pushed enough.

    Quite frankly, I would go to hospital to have the baby and move in with my mum or dad immediately from there. If he threatens you, keep a note of it in a journal and get an AVO.

    I'm sorry but I'm not one to beat around the bush with these types of things. At the end of the day you have not only yourself to think about anymore!

    I'm in no way saying its easy, I just know you and your unborn child deserve better than this <3

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    My dad isnt around and my mum passed away, its just me. I cant break lease either and we have 6 months left on it.

    I think that yes i do make too many excuses and im feeling really torn. I want to be with him but i want him to make a change, we have the councelling for that to happen but do i do a seperation in the mean time until i see a change?

    He is a great provider, if we need something he will make sure we have it, if im too sore he will help me with things i need to have done. Right now he is at work trying to make sure we have enough money for when bubs comes..

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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Hi! I had my bub at sunshine (over a year ago) During the little tour we were told about the visiting hrs. However, I had bub at 2:30am, afterward DH was helping me up and into the shower nurse asked if we felt comfortable on our own or she would help I said I was fine with DH so he stayed until the afternoon when my mum came, then he came back and even though visiting hrs are till 9pm all partners stayed longer.
    DH stayed till 10/11pm each night until bub was settled, the lady I was sharing with, her partner and kids were kicked out each night as they were very loud and disruptive.
    So I guess if ppl behave appropriately they bend the rules!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sparklebug View Post
    Hi! I had my bub at sunshine (over a year ago) During the little tour we were told about the visiting hrs. However, I had bub at 2:30am, afterward DH was helping me up and into the shower nurse asked if we felt comfortable on our own or she would help I said I was fine with DH so he stayed until the afternoon when my mum came, then he came back and even though visiting hrs are till 9pm all partners stayed longer.
    DH stayed till 10/11pm each night until bub was settled, the lady I was sharing with, her partner and kids were kicked out each night as they were very loud and disruptive.
    So I guess if ppl behave appropriately they bend the rules!
    it does depend,dp was allowed to stay and the first night he wenthome at 2am (ds was born at 10pm), after that he left around 10pm despite visitinghours being til 8pm, dp was quite and never made a noise so I guess hhe didnt bother anyone, the ONLY thing my hospital was strict on was 1-3 pm resting hours


 

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