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  1. #51
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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    Tbh i don't get the over night thing, where i am from it is just what happens, dads are allowed to be there outside of visiting hours (except rest time) but not stay over night, the hospital only has single beds

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    Me too. Both times I was in hospital there were no dads there overnight. I know there was the option with DD, but you had to bring in your own stretcher/bedding, no one in my vicinity did it. This was a big hospital, small ones probably wouldn't give the option for obvious reasons. The dads do get extended visiting hours which is great.

    He is being unreasonable, controlling and childish. I would run a mile.

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  3. #52
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirby star View Post
    Tbh i don't get the over night thing, where i am from it is just what happens, dads are allowed to be there outside of visiting hours (except rest time) but not stay over night, the hospital only has single beds

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    I went private and hubby was able to stay with me the entire time. I had a csec so it was great he was there to do all the Changings, help me with bf'ing (massages). We talked through
    Any problems with bubba in real time. We both experienced the joy of bubbas first moments. It just felt natural. Like hubby being away would have been ridiculous: he is half the parent of bub and there's no reason why he shouldn't be there in the early days.

    That being said with bub nr 2 I think it will be different as I'd like hubby to be there with bub nr 1 part of the time.

    Despite my feelings on dads being allowed to stay in hospital, I know it's just not possible in shared rooms. And there is no excuse for the Op's partners behavior.

  4. #53
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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    When i was in box hill hospital maternity i had visitors all day and not 1 nurse said they had to leave they would just come ask if ds feed then leave. I had my family come see me at 7pm and no nurses said anything to them. I was in a shared room with 2 others and they did the same they had people at all hours of the day and 1 womans husband stayed everynight

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  5. #54
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Most hospitals you can only come during visiting hours and most hospitals allow hubby to come between 9am and 9pm with the exception of rest hours which are usually 12-2 . You will find that the nurses won't mind hubby being there as long as it's quiet.
    I had my 3 at dandenong hospital and they were fantastic, one night hubby was with me until 12pm . You just gotta stay on their good side :-)

  6. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by HowCrazyCool View Post
    Op - did you mean look after your daughter while you are recovering in hospital or while giving birth? ETA )))) disregard this bit, didn't see your latest post


    How are things done at the moment? does he do things for your dd now? Like get her brekky, get her dressed, cook her food, bath her, bed etc? If not it could be a very daunting thing to do by himself, if he does do these things now and won't look after her there is no real reason he can't look after her.The thing im trying to figure out is what he thinks his roles are now and what he thinks his roles are going to be when bubs comes. If he thinks this baby changes the way he is to interact with your dd then you need to lay down some ground rules


    . Because it will get worse and worse and worse. He will set your dd up in situations, he will favour his kid and it's painfully clear to see. When my mum married my step dad my sister was 3 i was 5 i never from the start got on with him, i was an emotional kid, my sister was a rough and tumble kid. He favoured her over me. created this competition. And he never tried like i try with my dsd to make things different make things work. Love us both.
    Right now i get up to her as he doesnt sleep well so i let him sleep in. But he will take her to daycare with me, he interacts better with her than her own father does, he watches movies with her he will cook her dinner, i shower with her though so he doesnt do that.

  7. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anjalee View Post
    Who is looking after your DD while you're on bed rest? Are you in hospital?
    Myself and the time she goes to her fathers which is thursday til sunday. Im on the couch but i still do everything for her as i feel that she is my responsibility anyways

    Quote Originally Posted by singlemumma82 View Post
    Personally, for me, this would be a major deal breaker and set off some mega alarm bells.

    I already have a 9 year old DD and if I was to have a child with anyone else I would expect them to step up and look after her while I was in hospital recovering from having our child, I would also want her involved as much as possible in the whole thing.

    Did you guys discuss any of this before deciding to have a child together? How does he treat your DD now? By the sounds of it he wants to just have you and the new baby and seems to forget you are already a mother to a child who will need looking after.

    And he can pull every excuse in the book, unless he forks out money for private hospital and a nanny, no one will let him stay 24/7 like you will have too, it's not just about the new baby, its also for you to recover after pregnancy and the delivery.
    Yes we discussed it and it never came up It just came up now and i was shocked because i thought we already had a plan where he would look after her at nights and the morning then bring her in to be with me during visiting hours.

    Quote Originally Posted by Meags82 View Post
    As a nurse in Victoria we have recently been covered by laws that mean if we are assaulted in our workplace there are minimum jail times for offenders. Would your lovely partner like it if people assaulted him in his workplace. Do you think the other poor ladies in your room would feel safe with him around their babies if they heard these threats. In the public system single rooms are not allocated for religious beliefs. They are allocated on medical grounds- infectious patients, traumatic births or caesarian sections, multiple births and foetal death and all reasons for an automatic allocation to a single room where available. All fathers would like to stay however space constraints do not allow for it. Also if I was the nurse in charge of that ward and heard those threats your partner would not be allowed to set foot in the place, DHS would be called to guarantee the safety of your baby and other children and we would have huge issues discharging you to his care. Please discuss this situation with you midwife at your next visit and fx your partner pulls his head in.
    I told him all this last night, but he went on saying they have to allow religious beliefs..etc.. He did end up coming up and apologizing but im still very hurt that he has never discussed this before.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    How do you not know your partner and father of your childs beliefs?

    The whole situation sounds really strange and makes even me feel uneasy where I am.

    Threatening to punch nurses? Not wanting to care for his stepkid while you're in hospital?
    He has told me that he doesnt have beliefs so this was a shock to me more than anything.. He doesnt do anything that jewish people do he doesnt follow any part of it, i think its something he came up with on the spot

  8. #57
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    Thanks for all your advice girls. Yeh when i spoke to the nurses they said he def could not be there under any circumstances unless you had a private room. As i said he has apologized for the way he flew off the handle, but im now feeling very unsure about everything..

    He is more mature than my ex who is 35 now, and provides for us more, he interacts with my daughter more than my ex.
    I have alot of thinking to do. I told him last night that this might be the end, he started crying and saying he was sorry he was just really hurt that i didnt take into consideration his beliefs and feelings...

    Im sorry but if im going into labor its all about me and what i want, and afterwards i want to rest. I told him im coming straight home after i have baby, i dont need to put the nurses at hospital at risk and i dont need the extra stress.. He then said no friends are allowed over for 3 days and he wants me to rest and he will do everything, looking after my daughter cleaning cooking etc.. I told him not to bother because if im home i will be doing things myself, The rest time is at hospital. And if i want to have a mate come over and see me i will... again this created another argument as it was going against his beliefs .. ( which were never there to start with ).

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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Hold up! YOU are not putting the staff at the hospital at risk, this is not your issue to control. It's his issue! He is manipulating and controlling you, and it seems to be working!

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  11. #59
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    I noticed one thing last night is that it was the classic abuser pattern, have a argument, he left the house, he comes up then somehow he managed to turn it all back on my saying its my fault because i wouldn't listen to his beliefs and i actually felt really bad for it, and i knew in my head that it wasnt right, then i thought maybe i should of asked why more? Maybe im not communicating properly with him?

    And apart of me thinks i shouldnt even be thinking of this and this is not my fault, but then there is apart that says that im being stupid for even thinking of it like that.

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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    While the hospital policy is upsetting, it's concerning that his solution is to assault the hospital staff.

    There seem to be signs he could be controlling and this may extend to you, and is willing to be violent to get his way. It sounds like you have a lot to think about.


 

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