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  1. #21
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    I'm probably going to get ripped apart for this but I kind of understand him. I'm a step mum and while I love my step son when my daughter was coming into the world with my DH I was extremely vulnerable and felt unimportant because I knew DH had shared this special moment before with his ex. Every single living being on this planet has the ability to feel vulnerable, or left out or unimportant (not that it's anything you have done).

    You might find the reason he is lashing out/acting aggressively etc is because he feels like everything is spiraling out of his control and may not feel like an important role in this process of his first child being brought into the world.

    Not wanting to offend anyone with this post but being a step parent myself I do understand the challenges and emotions you can sometimes face when your self confidence is at a low.

  2. #22
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    Nope he is now saying he has jewish beliefs and wants there time to be alone and pray. Not that he has ever mentioned this before to me EVER!!!

    I am not impressed about him wanting to leave my other daughter out of this, he says she is not his responsibility since i signed a agreement with my ex that dp did not like.

  3. #23
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    Absolutely mummajugs - he could be getting upset about the way things are going. But he needs to be a man and talk to his Dp like an adult, not go off the deep end.

    I worry about when i have kids what feelings i will have towards Dsd then and how they will change and they WILL change.

    Have you beem to the private step parent area, pretty good to share stuff

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    Mummajugs28  (24-08-2012)

  5. #24
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    There is so much i love about him and when we work well, we are amazing together, we rarely fight this is just something that has come up..

    And now im being selfish and unreasonable because im not letting him have his beliefs.. just because i told him the rules of the hospital. He came upstairs and yelled at me for not listening to his beliefs ... Personally, i never knew he had any, he doesnt pray. He doesnt go to church he doesnt believe.. I think this is just something he has pulled out of a hat last minute to find a excuse to stay in maternity ward..

    He will be there for when the baby is born no doubt i have a babysitter for that.. but she can only look after her for so long. Its the maternity ward thats the issue

  6. #25
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    So im not over reacting??? I mean this is unreasonable behavior right???

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    Ffrenchknickers  (25-08-2012)

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahlsandbubs View Post
    Nope he is now saying he has jewish beliefs and wants there time to be alone and pray. Not that he has ever mentioned this before to me EVER!!!

    I am not impressed about him wanting to leave my other daughter out of this, he says she is not his responsibility since i signed a agreement with my ex that dp did not like.

    hun, please see this as a great big wake up call.

    You are on bedrest? You don't need this from him.

    It doesn't matter what agreement you have signed with your ex, he is supposed to be your partner and stand by you through think and thin. My DH has had to bite his tongue many a time where my ex is involved...even when he didn't agree with the outcome, he always stood by me and DS.

    I think you need some counselling, asap.

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    Tahlsandbubs  (24-08-2012)

  10. #27
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    Op - did you mean look after your daughter while you are recovering in hospital or while giving birth? ETA )))) disregard this bit, didn't see your latest post


    How are things done at the moment? does he do things for your dd now? Like get her brekky, get her dressed, cook her food, bath her, bed etc? If not it could be a very daunting thing to do by himself, if he does do these things now and won't look after her there is no real reason he can't look after her.The thing im trying to figure out is what he thinks his roles are now and what he thinks his roles are going to be when bubs comes. If he thinks this baby changes the way he is to interact with your dd then you need to lay down some ground rules


    . Because it will get worse and worse and worse. He will set your dd up in situations, he will favour his kid and it's painfully clear to see. When my mum married my step dad my sister was 3 i was 5 i never from the start got on with him, i was an emotional kid, my sister was a rough and tumble kid. He favoured her over me. created this competition. And he never tried like i try with my dsd to make things different make things work. Love us both.

  11. #28
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by HowCrazyCool View Post
    Absolutely mummajugs - he could be getting upset about the way things are going. But he needs to be a man and talk to his Dp like an adult, not go off the deep end.

    I worry about when i have kids what feelings i will have towards Dsd then and how they will change and they WILL change.

    Have you beem to the private step parent area, pretty good to share stuff
    I will have to check out the area you are talking about!! The love I feel for my DSS is different to that for my DD and I'm not afraid to say it. In saying that they would never ever know that or spot any differences In caring for them. It's a hard role to take on.. Some people will never know just how hard it is.

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  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahlsandbubs View Post
    So im not over reacting??? I mean this is unreasonable behavior right???
    in all honesty, our opinion on that doesn't matter.

    How do you feel in your gut...and your heart...does it feel right?? Your feelings are totally valid here. Your choice for your and your children's life. If this is unacceptable to you, it is within your power to change it.

    Yes, in my relationship, this is would be the end of said relationship. As a partner...we are there to help and support each other and put our kids welfare and safety and happiness ahead of our own until they are capable of self care.

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    HowCrazyCool  (24-08-2012)

  15. #30
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Personally, for me, this would be a major deal breaker and set off some mega alarm bells.

    I already have a 9 year old DD and if I was to have a child with anyone else I would expect them to step up and look after her while I was in hospital recovering from having our child, I would also want her involved as much as possible in the whole thing.

    Did you guys discuss any of this before deciding to have a child together? How does he treat your DD now? By the sounds of it he wants to just have you and the new baby and seems to forget you are already a mother to a child who will need looking after.

    And he can pull every excuse in the book, unless he forks out money for private hospital and a nanny, no one will let him stay 24/7 like you will have too, it's not just about the new baby, its also for you to recover after pregnancy and the delivery.


 

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