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  1. #91
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    This sound like a difficult relationship. Though If you look at the sunshine hospital website it clearly states that partners or support person are exempt from having to adhere to visiting hours

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  3. #92
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    Default Re: Punching nurses :(

    I don't have anything to add but this doesn't sound like pressure you should be under... Hope you can find some support soon to get out of this situation/relationship if that is what is required.
    Last edited by Qwerty; 26-08-2012 at 07:45.

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    Default Punching nurses :(

    As a mother of 2 who is preg with no 3...who has shared rooms for each of my previous births ... This terrifies me that I could be sharing a room with you your dh gets upset because it is time for him to leave (my dh has already left for the evening) so starts throwing punches ... Who is at risk here???? This is shocking, disgraceful, selfish behaviour.

    Run fast and run far

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  6. #94
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    Default Punching nurses :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I can still understand the anger behind it. Would six hours a day be enough for you if it weren't medically necessary?? It wouldn't be for me.

    People say things when they're angry that they generally don't mean. Just because he says he's going to do this, that and the other, it's coming from a place of anger rather than rational thought. Is it smart, helpful or possible? No. Is it a human reaction? Yes. Is the anger understandable if we put ourselves into 21 year old, first time fathers position? Yes. Is it a good way to express that anger, his feelings, and display his maturity? No.
    Can he afford a private room? No.
    He's entitled to his feelings, just like every other human being on the planet. All over this forum is discussions about how men don't bond with the baby that well during pregnancy, but the mother has nine months to bond with the baby. It's in her body, she carries it, feels the first kicks, movements, contractions, everything. Nine continuous months. There's nothing that can be done about that.
    While I understand the need for privacy in a shared room, I also understand that the first few days are crucial. Bonding is a fantastic experience, and sharing the first moments of your babies life would be some of the most powerful bonding moments in existance, whether that's a few hours or a few days, they're still important. Would you like to be robbed of that?
    I understand his anger. I think it's important we all do, because at some point, I imagine every father would feel like this. Jealousy and frustration, and the dissapointment at missing out on his childs first days. They miss out on a lot if the mother's a SAHM. Often, their kids first steps, first words, first day at school if they can't get the day off. First sentence, first smile, everything.
    I understand the anger and frustration if it comes from this place, the feeling of being on the outside of their childs life, just watching, with the knowledge that they can't do anything to change it, if they want to be able to provide for their families, make sure they have a good life, food on the table, roof over their head, everything. I would be angry if I missed out on the first days of my childs life, if I had the opportunity to see it, because work has given me that time.

    Just because something is the rules doesn't mean we like it any more, and each person is an individual, capable of dealing with things differently. Don't we all take our frustrations out on our partners, even accidentally? I don't condone physical violence, I don't condone domestic abuse, so lets just clear that up right now before someone twists my words and accuses me of that, and I won't even respond to it in a sarcastic manner.

    It's important to realise that he is human, and he is a father, and he is a young, impressionable, more than likely a young, terrified person, and is reacting like any scared, dissapointed and sad person would, which is channeling it into anger.

    For the record, I do NOT condone violence. I don't condone threatening medical staff. But at this moment in time, he hasn't. He's voiced his frustration and anger. The OP hasn't said that he WOULD act on it, just that he's been saying this is what he would do. When people get angry and blustered, and feel like things are slipping out of their control(and before you start saying he shouldn't be controlling, we are ALL controlling. If you aren't, then you're easilly manipulated and a push over, who accepts things the way they are, and this is a general you and not directed at anyone), they usually react with anger and empty threats.
    I 100% agree with you utterly and completely.

  7. #95
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    Ive been thinking about this (as Ive just birthed and been in hospital) and Im at a loss as to his logic here.
    Does he really think that if he starts punching people the staff will say "oh gee hes scary, I know lets let him stay here"? Can he not even process the fact that he would be in gaol within the hour after threatening assault, and unlikely to even SEE you in the hospital?
    Honestly hon I couldnt birth with someone like this around me at all. I would be so stressed that he would freak out while I laboured and cause trouble that Id not be able to birth safely.
    Please put your children first, and get away from this violent person

  8. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I can still understand the anger behind it. Would six hours a day be enough for you if it weren't medically necessary?? It wouldn't be for me.

    People say things when they're angry that they generally don't mean. Just because he says he's going to do this, that and the other, it's coming from a place of anger rather than rational thought. Is it smart, helpful or possible? No. Is it a human reaction? Yes. Is the anger understandable if we put ourselves into 21 year old, first time fathers position? Yes. Is it a good way to express that anger, his feelings, and display his maturity? No.
    Can he afford a private room? No.
    He's entitled to his feelings, just like every other human being on the planet. All over this forum is discussions about how men don't bond with the baby that well during pregnancy, but the mother has nine months to bond with the baby. It's in her body, she carries it, feels the first kicks, movements, contractions, everything. Nine continuous months. There's nothing that can be done about that.
    While I understand the need for privacy in a shared room, I also understand that the first few days are crucial. Bonding is a fantastic experience, and sharing the first moments of your babies life would be some of the most powerful bonding moments in existance, whether that's a few hours or a few days, they're still important. Would you like to be robbed of that?
    I understand his anger. I think it's important we all do, because at some point, I imagine every father would feel like this. Jealousy and frustration, and the dissapointment at missing out on his childs first days. They miss out on a lot if the mother's a SAHM. Often, their kids first steps, first words, first day at school if they can't get the day off. First sentence, first smile, everything.
    I understand the anger and frustration if it comes from this place, the feeling of being on the outside of their childs life, just watching, with the knowledge that they can't do anything to change it, if they want to be able to provide for their families, make sure they have a good life, food on the table, roof over their head, everything. I would be angry if I missed out on the first days of my childs life, if I had the opportunity to see it, because work has given me that time.

    Just because something is the rules doesn't mean we like it any more, and each person is an individual, capable of dealing with things differently. Don't we all take our frustrations out on our partners, even accidentally? I don't condone physical violence, I don't condone domestic abuse, so lets just clear that up right now before someone twists my words and accuses me of that, and I won't even respond to it in a sarcastic manner.

    It's important to realise that he is human, and he is a father, and he is a young, impressionable, more than likely a young, terrified person, and is reacting like any scared, dissapointed and sad person would, which is channeling it into anger.

    For the record, I do NOT condone violence. I don't condone threatening medical staff. But at this moment in time, he hasn't. He's voiced his frustration and anger. The OP hasn't said that he WOULD act on it, just that he's been saying this is what he would do. When people get angry and blustered, and feel like things are slipping out of their control(and before you start saying he shouldn't be controlling, we are ALL controlling. If you aren't, then you're easilly manipulated and a push over, who accepts things the way they are, and this is a general you and not directed at anyone), they usually react with anger and empty threats.

    You hit it head on. He calmed down and we spoke about it. He felt hurt and angered that he was being told by someone else that he couldn't bond with his child.

    Solution found once he calmed down, He will be getting me a private room or if i do choose to come home i will have a midwife at home for the first 3 days. We couldnt really afford it, so he has now changed jobs into the sales department of the company and so far he is getting a nice bundle there for a private room.

    The part of religion is that 30 hours of praying that he was talking about however i dont think he realised it was from friday onwards.

    Im not sure if he would ever punch a nurse out, and i really hope he would not and he was just frustrating some anger. If he ever acted on it, I would be leaving straight away as i dont need my children to see or be around violence.

    I am going to still be seeing a social worker just to have steps in place or see what is able to be done. Maybe anger management for him?? Counselling for both of us. I spoke to him about my daughter. He will be bringing her in the morning and she will be with me during that time which will be good. I did say if he pulled this again enough is enough. So fingers crossed. Thankyou to all the lovely people who helped me out on this one.

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  10. #97
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    As the wife as a nurse who has been attacked numerous times at work and punched in the face. I say that is not on, it is not ok, it is not ok to even say it. I wouldn't be even letting him visit in hospital. Or you may end up with a partner in jail for assault. I think he needs anger management help.

  11. #98
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    Sorry - I just realise you had posted exactly what I posted.


 

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