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  1. #1
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    Default Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    I gave birth 11 days ago and we've been home from hospital for a week. Almost every day since we got home we've had visitors (all friends or colleagues of DH). They've pre-arranged the visits, so I haven't been surprised by them, but I have been getting myself so exhausted making the house nice (it's a new house and everyone wants a guided tour) and not getting any daytime sleep. I've probably got a delayed case of baby blues, as I keep bursting into tears in desperation to be able to relax in our own house and DH just thinks I'm anti-social and shouldn't worry about making the house nice etc. DS hasn't been sleeping well the past few nights and I'm at the end of my tether.

    To top it off I am dreading the fact that his family are planning to come and stay for a week soon and the thought is just making me feel like throwing myself under a bus

    Just a rant to cyberspace cos DH doesn't get it

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    Default Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    you need your rest. Stop cleaning and let your DH entertain his friends. Or better yet, get them to clean! (or come in a few weeks).

    The first few weeks as parents can be overwhelming. It's a big adjustment! I'd just tell DH that you want some space from visitors to bond with the baby. Visitors can come anytime, but you, as a family, won't get this time back.

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    Yes, i agree with pp. you need your rest. put your foot down and tell dh to tell friends you're not feeling well and can they come in a few weeks. as for his family, get them to help out.. don't wait on everyone hand and foot, because trust me (i did it) you will exhaust yourself to no end.

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    Default Re: Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    you need your rest. Stop cleaning and let your DH entertain his friends. Or better yet, get them to clean! (or come in a few weeks).

    The first few weeks as parents can be overwhelming. It's a big adjustment! I'd just tell DH that you want some space from visitors to bond with the baby. Visitors can come anytime, but you, as a family, won't get this time back.
    This. Excellent advice.

    Don't expect DHs to get it, their male and a bit slow on the sleepless train (give him a few weeks *evil.laugh*) lol There's not point changing your routine to accommodate randoms. Bub and youself need a routine at the moment. Stick to it, regardless of visitors.

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    Default Re: Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    Id just refuse visitors for the first month. Say you want to concentrate on bfeeding

    mummy to gods gift to us

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    Default Re: Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    OMG you poor woman! :-( I'd be telling them all to go away (nicely of course) and give yourself a break. Hugs

    ***Sent from my phone***

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    Default Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    Agree with PP. we had same issue with DS. My DH only had 2 weeks off and the entire time was spent entertaining visitors.

    I'm pregnant again and already started pre warning ppl that we want the first couple of weeks at home to ourselves. The baby won't change much in 2 wks so they can wait.

    As for your current situation...if DH doesn't get it but it's his friends/family, I'd go for a nap when they arrive or just sit your butt on the couch. Let him do the entertaining...you gave birth 11days ago and deserve to rest.

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    Completely understandable to be stressed, you need time to settle in to your home with the new bub.

    When any out of town rellies say they are going to visit us, I tell them how much I am looking forward to seeing them and send them a link to the holiday apartments up the road so they know they won't be staying with us without me having to directly tell them.

    I guess my point is that you need to put you and bub first. Try to get more rest, it is all too easy to end up so tired all you can do is cry. It is a completely understandable reaction to the overwhelming changes you are adjusting to, inside and out.

    I was going through a tough time feeding when my in laws were in town so I fed bub in our bedroom whenever they were over. It was a blessing in disguise because I had lots of quiet time alone with my LO and the in laws never questioned it because they thought I was just being modest.

    Is it an option to suggest to your DH that you hire someone to come in and help clean once or twice a week, or take care of the bub while you sleep and sort the house? You need some help, especially before the rellies come to stay. If he doesn't want to hire someone, then maybe he could pitch in a bit more.

    You must put yourself and your baby first. What is the worst that can happen if you don't entertain your visitors or have a super clean house? If anyone thinks less of you then they aren't worth the effort anyway!

    Please take care of yourself xx

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    Some great tips here already.

    This is such a tough time and you need the support of your DH. I asked my DH to be the gatekeeper, this meant enforcing my requests with all visitors including my own family. You are not being "anti-social" you are recovering, bonding and adjusting to your new life.

    A good rule is when guests come to visit, they are actually there to help. I also had a 30 minute visit rule - any longer was too exhausting. We made sure visitors knew this when they made the arrangement to come.

    I recommend you get your DH to read some of the responses here.

    Please look after yourself and your bubs needs first. It really is about you and no-one elses wishes. When your DH gives birth he has the option to be as sociable as he likes afterwards.

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    Default Re: Incredibly stressed about visitors in newborn period

    That sucks. I always give my friends a week or 2 at home before I visit new bubs. Send out a text saying x day and x day are visiting days between this time and that as that's when bubs awake. Thanks everyone...I'm sure you all understand.

    Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using BubHub


 

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