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  1. #1
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Default How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    My dad and I have always been close, really close. For a long time he's been my closest friend and biggest support. But now I have a partner he doesn't approve of and I've recently told him something fairly big about my lifestyle that he doesn't seem to approve of. He was ok when I first told him, he reacted the way I thought he would be since then whenever he's come over he's been weird, just a bit off in how he's spoken to me. Nothing major and I've just put it down to him adjusting to the news. But today he came around and was quite obviously in a bad mood. It made everyone uncomfortable and quite frankly I was relieved when he said he was leaving after dinner. DS (7), who has just come back from access with his dad and is always a bit out of sorts afterwards, was sitting on the couch watching his favourite cartoon when my dad said goodbye to him. DS said goodbye to him without looking up from what he was watching. Dad turned of the tv, leant over DS and said in a really nasty tone "If you keep this up we are done!" and then said goodbye to the the rest of us and left.

    WTH?? I don't care what issues he has with me, he's not allowed to talk my child like that!

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    If anyone spoke tO my child like that in their own home they would no longer be welcome!

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    Default Re: How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    What ???

    Did you say anything to him ?

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    Sounds like your Dad has some things bugging him he needs to get off his chest. You need to sit down and chat to your Dad and how speaking like that to a child is unacceptable and see what he has to say.

    Or you can ignore it and pretend it never happened, but usually that never ends well and blows up even bigger.

  5. #5
    DaughteroftheForest's Avatar
    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Default How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    Tbh I was so stunned and he left so quickly that I didn't say anything I will be though.

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    *hugs*

    In all honesty, it sounds like he's probably just having a bit of a tough time. It might be about the news, it might not be... but while I agree it wasn't nice that he spoke that way your son, I think he also probably didn't mean anything too harsh by it, and that it can probably be something that is overlooked as it isn't so horrible it's a deal-breaker or anything (IMO).

    I can understand why your news would be quite difficult for some to accept... and given it's not terribly conventional or common, I'd say a lot of people are going to need a fair bit of time to come around... and I think you may need to just be patient with him, let him know that if he's in a bad mood that's fine, he's not expected to come over and socialise, but that he needs to remember that these are impressionable children he's speaking to and if he cannot manage to speak to them appropriately then he needs to keep away until he can. All very politely of course, I don't think this needs to be a huge issue... but let him know it wasn't cool and that you'd prefer it not to happen again.

    Big hugs. I can imagine that this news may be hard for many in your life to take, and I hope that your Dad can come around and move on and accept it, even if he's never fully happy with it.

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    Default How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    Your child was impolite but your dad was NOT justified in intimidating and bullying him like that!

    What would you do? I would have taken my dad aside and said "I you have a problem with DS talk to me about it first in private. Do not intimidate him like that ever again.."

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    Default How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    *hugs*

    In all honesty, it sounds like he's probably just having a bit of a tough time. It might be about the news, it might not be... but while I agree it wasn't nice that he spoke that way your son, I think he also probably didn't mean anything too harsh by it, and that it can probably be something that is overlooked as it isn't so horrible:
    to me it smacks underlying authoritarian and control/bully issues

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    Default Re: How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    It sounds like he can't "control" your news so he's exerting himself in other ways. You need to address it asap.

    How was DS?

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    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    Default How would you react if someone said this to your child?

    DS was upset, he didn't understand why his grandad was so angry at him.

    It makes me really mad on his behalf. DS has Sensory Processing Disorder, which means his body is constantly telling him to move and make noise. He's really over sensitive to people touching him or being in his space but he doesn't recognise how much force he is using when he's touching other people and he has poor special recognition where others are concerned. He spends almost every minute of every day trying to tone himself down to be accepted by other people. I'm seriously angry that someone he loves and looks up to and knows about his issues has treated him like this.


 

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