I can't believe that i'm about to get this off my chest, but here goes.
My DP is a heroin addict. When you hear the word heroin you probably think of "junkies", homeless people, the dirty harsh streets and it's people walking around begging for money, right? My DP is a normal looking, hardworking, funny, highly intelligent man. To look at our family from the outside you wouldn't guess in a MILLION years that we harbour such a deadly secret.
When I first met him, we (and I hate to say it) hated those people, druggies, junkies... we judged them, yep, I'll admit it. Now he is one. I was naive. Addicts are people hurting in a major way; no child thinks, "I'm gonna be a heroin addict when I grow up."
Without going into detail, we had relationship problems a few years ago.. pretty heavy issues. We almost broke up and one day he attempted suicide. Not a half a$sed attempt, either; if I hadn't found him he wouldn't be here, put it that way. Because of this, he was admitted to a psych ward and everything has spiralled out of control since then. In the midst of his deep depression and post suicide attempt, he "tried" heroin. (He hid it from me for at least 2 years before finally confessing.)
Not many people "try" heroin and never go back. So, on and off for the past few years he has used. So many times he'd quit only to relapse.
We have recently had a baby. I've just found out that he used behind my back during my pregnancy. After all the sh!t I went through with him, for him, dragging him to doctors and counselling, stocking up on everything he needed for detox at home, supporting him time and time again, he has gone back to it, I know it. He's denying it this time but I know. His eyes are a dead giveaway.
This is ruling and ruining my life. We have a newborn FFS! How can he do this??? And effing lie about it?
I don't know what to do anymore. If I leave, he will kill himself, I know it. He's said that if he ever lost me and the kids he will kill himself. And he has tried in the past, so it's not a manipulation attempt from him, he has zero self worth and no friends, no close family, NO ONE BUT ME.
But I cannot live like this. If I leave, I'm basically digging his grave.
I love him, but he needs major help and based on his track record and many failed attempts at staying clean, he will never change.
As long as he's denying it, I can't help him.
Can anyone help??? Anyone else been through this?