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  1. #1
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    Default Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    I can't believe that i'm about to get this off my chest, but here goes.

    My DP is a heroin addict. When you hear the word heroin you probably think of "junkies", homeless people, the dirty harsh streets and it's people walking around begging for money, right? My DP is a normal looking, hardworking, funny, highly intelligent man. To look at our family from the outside you wouldn't guess in a MILLION years that we harbour such a deadly secret.
    When I first met him, we (and I hate to say it) hated those people, druggies, junkies... we judged them, yep, I'll admit it. Now he is one. I was naive. Addicts are people hurting in a major way; no child thinks, "I'm gonna be a heroin addict when I grow up."
    Without going into detail, we had relationship problems a few years ago.. pretty heavy issues. We almost broke up and one day he attempted suicide. Not a half a$sed attempt, either; if I hadn't found him he wouldn't be here, put it that way. Because of this, he was admitted to a psych ward and everything has spiralled out of control since then. In the midst of his deep depression and post suicide attempt, he "tried" heroin. (He hid it from me for at least 2 years before finally confessing.)
    Not many people "try" heroin and never go back. So, on and off for the past few years he has used. So many times he'd quit only to relapse.
    We have recently had a baby. I've just found out that he used behind my back during my pregnancy. After all the sh!t I went through with him, for him, dragging him to doctors and counselling, stocking up on everything he needed for detox at home, supporting him time and time again, he has gone back to it, I know it. He's denying it this time but I know. His eyes are a dead giveaway.
    This is ruling and ruining my life. We have a newborn FFS! How can he do this??? And effing lie about it?
    I don't know what to do anymore. If I leave, he will kill himself, I know it. He's said that if he ever lost me and the kids he will kill himself. And he has tried in the past, so it's not a manipulation attempt from him, he has zero self worth and no friends, no close family, NO ONE BUT ME.
    But I cannot live like this. If I leave, I'm basically digging his grave.
    I love him, but he needs major help and based on his track record and many failed attempts at staying clean, he will never change.
    As long as he's denying it, I can't help him.

    Can anyone help??? Anyone else been through this?

    HELP ME.

  2. #2
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    Firstly .

    To quote someone whom I asked once how can I help a friend battling addiction

    'You can't help someone who does not want to help them selves, nor wants to stop'

    My friend is no longer a full time user, just recreational, which is amazing they have the ability to do so I believe!!

    My advice to you is too remind your partner everyday what he has in his life, what the money he spends on the drugs could be better used for, what the effects of the drugs do to you and your children- what is he missing out on.

    He can only change if he wants to. Maybe try some counselling? Might also solve any depression issues he has so if you leave he will have a life ahead of him.

    Good luck

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    I won't go into detail about what I've been through.
    I just want you to know that YOU are not digging anyone's grave. I know its hard to remember but you have no responsibility what so ever for the choices he makes. It feels like it I know. But you can't spend your life trying to rescue your partner. That's not your job. It's not fair on you and its not fair on your children.

    I don't know if there is any magic answer..

    Hugs. Take care of yourself. Perhaps seek advice from a local organisation which deals with families of drug addicts.


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  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to bumMum For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (24-08-2012),Stiflers Mom  (24-08-2012)

  5. #4
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    Default Re: Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    I agree with pp. I will add though when you do have the talk with him use "I"statements. Like I feel this way when you use. you know what I mean. Don't go on the attack or it could push him further to use. it goes to show that anyone can have an addiction,even the best of us.

    I really wish you the best. It's not easy.

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    Default Re: Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    Quote Originally Posted by bumMum View Post
    I won't go into detail about what I've been through.
    I just want you to know that YOU are not digging anyone's grave. I know its hard to remember but you have no responsibility what so ever for the choices he makes. It feels like it I know. But you can't spend your life trying to rescue your partner. That's not your job. It's not fair on you and its not fair on your children.

    I don't know if there is any magic answer..

    Hugs. Take care of yourself. Perhaps seek advice from a local organisation which deals with families of drug addicts.


    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub
    This

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    Default Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    Oh gee huge hugs. I honestly feel your pain. I have no magic answer except to say that should he one day succeed and kill himself you have no responsibility in that. It's a decision that is made to stop the darkness. U can not be his light if he is putting you in the dark.

    My suggestion is to stop any enabling you might be doing. Limit his assess to money that you need to survive and use for the raising of your child.

    Seek help from his family. Don't be ashamed. Seek help from experts. Go to the drug authority centers in your area to access advice.

    You do not have control over his actions only the control of your own actions.

    Remember you. Remember your dreams.

    I am so sorry you have this to bare.

  8. #7
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    Default Re: Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    Quote Originally Posted by bumMum View Post
    I won't go into detail about what I've been through.
    I just want you to know that YOU are not digging anyone's grave. I know its hard to remember but you have no responsibility what so ever for the choices he makes. It feels like it I know. But you can't spend your life trying to rescue your partner. That's not your job. It's not fair on you and its not fair on your children.

    I don't know if there is any magic answer..

    Hugs. Take care of yourself. Perhaps seek advice from a local organisation which deals with families of drug addicts.


    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub
    This x 2. As bummum said, I don't really want to go into details of what my exdp and I went through with his triple addiction, opiates included (though if you go through my posts I'm sure part of the story is recounted somewhere on here) it's too early for that much angst.

    Pm me if you need to chat or want to hear the whole thing. *hugs*

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    Default Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    Quote Originally Posted by hopefully2 View Post
    Oh gee huge hugs. I honestly feel your pain. I have no magic answer except to say that should he one day succeed and kill himself you have no responsibility in that. It's a decision that is made to stop the darkness. U can not be his light if he is putting you in the dark.

    My suggestion is to stop any enabling you might be doing. Limit his assess to money that you need to survive and use for the raising of your child.

    Seek help from his family. Don't be ashamed. Seek help from experts. Go to the drug authority centers in your area to access advice.

    You do not have control over his actions only the control of your own actions.

    Remember you. Remember your dreams.

    I am so sorry you have this to bare.
    Good advice. Perhaps independent rehab (centre) is needed. Partners very rarely have the skills needed to help their spouses through drug rehabilitation.

    If you have a broken arm, you go to the hospital. If you're depressed you see a counsellor. If you want to improve your soccer skills you join a club and get a coach. If someone wants to get over drugs they need to go to the professionals and get help.

  10. #9
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    Default Living with a drug addict *TRIGGER WARNING, DISTRESSING CONTENT*

    Phoarr!! Heroine is the worst drug, it has such a string hold of the addicted person.

    As a child, I watched my mother and step-father use,
    I walked in on bunches of people flaked out with syringes hanging out of there arms,
    Many times had to hold my mothers head up while waiting for an ambulance
    Washed my siblings from water heated on an outside fire because they didn't pay the electricity bill!
    The list goes on and on and on, every time they got on the methadone program we got excited, wondering if this was it. It took them until I had two children of my own that I refused to allow near them for them to finally commit to giving up. Mind you, they aren't in my life by choice!!

    The point is: Addicts succeed only when they really want it. Going into a program for a wife, or child, but not really in it, will ultimately lead to failure!

    You may have to look at the fact that he'll never give up!

    Pack your bags, for the sake of your kids, then call the psych ward and let them know of his intentions. You can't fix him, he has to fix himself!

  11. #10
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    I'm sorry this is happening to your family
    You can't battle through this alone. Even if your partner does not want help you need it to manage your own emotions and your childrens. You need family counselling and individual counselling.

    Narcotics anonymous works with families and addicts.

    http://www.na.org.au/community/index.php

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