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  1. #11
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    I think bc in our culture, men and women are *usually* only affectionate when in a relationship. Maybe a skewed opinion on monogamy? i.e. when you are with someone you aren't affectionate with the opposite sex.

    It's an interesting topic. I think in general, it's often not socially acceptable for someone to be friends with the opposite sex when one or both are taken. I have a male friend who I've known since a teen. Never once even when we were both single, did anything happen, we are mates and nothing more. His partner of many years hates my guts, to put it lightly, saying we have the hots for each other, which is rubbish. Maybe part of it is that it isn't 'socially acceptable', maybe also that she was a cheater, and often cheaters will question faithful partners bc they know they have got away with it so therefore worry their partner also has?

    I don't know if I'm digressing too far lol just my thoughts and experiences about friendship between men and women and why some partners may be annoyed...

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    yes a single lady texting my hubby and signing off as 'sizzling hot' is never OK and she certainly knows that now.
    See, I think that's completely different.. Because that IS stepping over a line.. She's obviously trying to initiate an affair.. Or is at least interested and flirting, feeling the waters..

    But I really couldn't care less if my partner was alone in a room with another woman, or went out with another woman.. If I KNEW she was interested, I may consider something could happen, but I guess It's all up to trust with me. And I expect the same trust from my partner. If one of my friends happens to be male, I would expect a certain level of trust from my partner I guess?

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    Default Personal Boundaries.. How are they different for men and women?

    I'd vomit if my DH had a close female friend or enjoyed a female's company (that wasn't his mates wife).
    But that's all based on my own warped self esteem and crippling insecurities.
    I wish I could be cool with it. I think it's great that you have such a close platonic relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Leeny View Post

    But I really couldn't care less if my partner was alone in a room with another woman, or went out with another woman.. If I KNEW she was interested, I may consider something could happen, but I guess It's all up to trust with me. And I expect the same trust from my partner. If one of my friends happens to be male, I would expect a certain level of trust from my partner I guess?
    We trust each other, we also have this rule as a protection measure too. We can't be accused of anything thing because we don't allow ourselves to be put in that situation. I suppose it comes with the territory when you minister, Dh used to be a pastor.

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    I don't have an issue with it if i know that its in a completely plantonic way but if i know a girl has been flirting with my DH and then gives him a hug i reckon i would be jealous but that hasn't happened. I believe you can have platonic friends of the opposite sex but there is a lot more times when it will turn into something if given the chance.

    As for me i don't like being touched by anyone except my husband and kids if anyone else gives me a hug i tend to be stiff because i just feel awkward and i was brought up being hugged and kissed by everyone mum dad, sister, aunties, uncles, cousins etc. so not sure why i don't like being touched now

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    Thanks ladies.. This is really interesting to me.. Kinda hoping one of the male members see's this and chimes in.. I find the male/female perspective on the issue very interesting too!

    I've spent the night in a hotel with my male friend and his wife (my friend) had absolutely no issue.. I think her trust in the both of us I must be absolutely sky high to allow such a thing to take place.. Because everyone else seems to think this was such a morally wrong, completely unconventional thing to do .. My partner later accused me of having an affair, even though I think deep down he knew I'd never do such a thing.

    The look on his mothers (her MIL) face when she knew it had taken place was priceless... I don't think I have ever felt more mortified or judged in my life lol
    Last edited by Leeny; 23-08-2012 at 20:24.

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    Default Re: Personal Boundaries.. How are they different for men and women?

    I think it depends on the person not their sex.

    My best friend and i were so close that despite the fact that he was out as gay people always assumed and implied we were sleeping together, it was a love relationship, but it was not a sexual partnership nor would it ever be.

    At that stage in mt life i did not date, everyone who knew my friend and i well assumed i was a lesbian (family included)

    Dp has *some* friends who are huggy, they have autism / aspergers and one freely hugs.

    Only one female that was in dps life i put my foot down and demanded he not associate with as i do not trust him or her together
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    Default Re: Personal Boundaries.. How are they different for men and women?

    I treat my friends' partners just like I treat my friends so they get a hug from me.

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    Due to my culture and my friends cultures it's normal for us to kiss on the cheek when seeing each other as in "hello" both for them and their husbands.
    Sometimes I will be introduced to someone even a male and they will straight away kiss me on the cheek it's not an issue. It's a sign of extending friendship and respect.
    However if I know someone doesn't do that I wont do it.
    If I needed permission to hug someone I simply wouldn't hug them.
    As far as hugging men it just depends I have very close male friends who I will hug etc. But it also depends on their partners if they are not comfortable with it I would never do it.
    It really depends on the person.
    I like to be friends with men more then women its just much easier that way.
    Unfortunately if you are having a drink with a man many people think it's an affair if he is partnered.
    It's sad really that you can only be friends with 50% of the population due to social norms.

  10. #20
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    I guess the fact is for heterosexuals they can be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Even the best of friends can develop those feeling, sometimes spontaneously. That is where is I think the insecurities stem from. That and unfortunately so many people have experienced the heartache of cheating.

    That being said my husband and I have no issues with friends of the opposite sex or touching in a non sexual manner. I trust him completely and feel comfortable with that


 

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