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  1. #11
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    not everything is what it seems loco - you may be looking at these 'together' mums with rose coloured glasses on because you are so hard on yourself.


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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  3. #12
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: I am useless :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Bookish View Post
    Sorry no time for much of a post but you sound exactly as I did before I was diagnosed with pnd- esp the part about having to asses energy levels and feeling useless. Please forgive if I'm way off but having a look at a symptom list could be the best move you make. I wish someone had noticed it in me sooner but I put on pretty good show of being fine. please pm me if you'd like to chat. Again, apologies if I'm wrong but please don't disregard the idea instantly. I never thought it would happen to me.
    This ^^^ esp the energy levels. If you have enough energy, you don't need to think about it. Maybe its time for a trip to the gp, just have your bloods done, a general checkup, you don't need to talk about PND at all. But you are feeling below par so its prob worthwhile to assess your sleep, diet and get your bloods checked. If that fails to improve things you can look further. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It took me a long time to feel good after the kids were born, and now we are coasting, but I did have to be pro-active and work out the reasons I was feeling so sh*t. Pm me if you want to

    **Nothing spells as goof as typo splats**

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  5. #13
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    I often feel this way. I look at other mothers who make it look easy. I never look nice, my kids don't get their hair brushed, I never have enough hands or find that thing at the bottom of the bag, i always look flustered, I worry about everything, feel I can't manage it - and they just rock up with their 3 kids all happy and breezy and make me feel even worse. I yell at the kids, they always fight and I feel like such a failure.

    Then my 4 yo says to me "mum, you are my best friend". Or my 2 yo says "mummy cuddles" and gives me a kiss. And I think, I can't be that bad, I must be doing something right. And that gives me the strength to face the next day, the next outing, the next meal time battle etc.

    Take care of yourself and know you're not alone.

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  7. #14
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    You just described me. I can't do any of those things either. You know what I have learnt that those mean sh%t, It is the love that you give her that matters. My first dd is smart, cooks like a dream etc... While she never wants to be me, thats ok because she sees my worth and all the time I put into her. She is very different to me and I am very proud of her that she is the woman she was meant to be.

    As for other mums I never meant one in my 20 years of parenting that has it all together.

    You are the perfect mum to your dd.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 22-08-2012 at 14:38.

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  9. #15
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    Just remember that mums with 3+ kids have been doing it a lot longer than you - if they look like they have it together it's just because they have lots of experience!

    Looking after a baby and making it through the day is a huge achievement in itself.

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  11. #16
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    Gosh thank you girls. Each reply has honestly made me feel a bit better. I need to go on a mission to find a talent maybe it is hidden.

    As for my DD thank you for all your kind words. I do hope my love is enough for her as she is honestly my world. I just want to be a role model plus an awesome mum.

    As for post natal - I totally agree have been to that many gp's and nurses who all say I do not have PND. I found one GP who said I could have it on a mild level she gave me anti's which didn't agree with me so I had to stop after a few days. I believe I have the blues rather than depression because tommorow I will feel different. I have my days. I cant get anyone to diagnose me with PND I have tried and counselors annoy me. I get more out of a thread I start like this one than 10 sessions with a psych. So true.

    Can I please say thank you again to all who replied. I guess when your a loner getting it out there is therapeutic in itself.

  12. #17
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    I could have written some of your post myself too Loco. I have no cooking or sewing or anything interesting skills & my child is such a hand full - always having tantrums when we're out I'm over it, and have no idea what I'm doing & feel like everyone else is judging me
    Now I'm absolutely exhausted and she is fighting her day sleep... Just go to sleep!!!!

    We are doing the best we can & no how. Don't be too hard on yourself. Hang in there

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  14. #18
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    Default I am useless :(

    Oh Loco I can so relate!!! I have that really strong feeling that I want to be useful and a good role model for DD. I have been assessing a career change since she was born. I have come to realise it's a good thing though, it means we care about our daughters and want to set a good example for them.

    Just so you know, I am an average cook, I have a cleaner to help with housework, I stare blankly at a sewing machine with zero idea where to start, I struggle to balance 3 days of work with DD especially when she's not well (which is all the time this winter!!), I'm "that mother" who always forgets that its Olympics day or dress in orange day or whatever at day care.... Believe me there are plenty of us fumbling our way through it all!

    Like a PP said, mums with more kids have more practice - its like anything you do, you'll find it easier over time. I was treated for PND and I have learned not to dwell on the small things. DD is loved and happy, that's all that matters right now.

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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

  16. #19
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    LoCo  (22-08-2012)

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    Default I am useless :(

    I so relate to you! I just had a total meltdown as my son screamed himself sick in the cot! And here he goes again. I feel totally alone I moved here to be near family that I hardly see. I miss my friends and am finding it hard to make new friends. I spend most days at home as I'm to tired to go out!! I feel like a useless mother as my DS is 1 and still wakes a lot at night. I never hear from my friends back in NZ my phone never rings. My husband or family are the only ones that text me.
    So silly but I feel like no one likes me. Very blue. Often when I think about going out I decide not too I don't know anyone and get sick of always doing things on my own.
    Yes we do swimming, gymnastics, playgroup which is great but have made no connections.

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    LoCo  (28-08-2012)


 

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