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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    I just saw this. I suppose I'm reluctant to allow him to be a pioneer because he's six. If he was sixteen, I'd happily take him shopping and give him my credit card. But at six, does he have the social awareness to understand what being a pioneer is? To make that choice?
    I think this is wise. I would also be reluctant to be a pioneer at his age. He could very well be unaware of the ramifications of challenging stereotypes - some people have the resilience to do this, others simply do not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    I just saw this. I suppose I'm reluctant to allow him to be a pioneer because he's six. If he was sixteen, I'd happily take him shopping and give him my credit card. But at six, does he have the social awareness to understand what being a pioneer is? To make that choice?
    You think his desire to be himself will survive 10 years of societies oppression until he is strong enough to fight for himself? Or are you not strong enough to stand by him and hold his hand if needed?

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    Default If your son loved wearing dresses...

    OP , Ralph Lauren do have a great variety of colours for boys , my DS has plenty of pink and navy polo shirts , and a few purple t shirts, DH has some lovely pink and lavender colored business shirts that look great with his navy suits, I gaurantee you my DH is very much a boys boy but loves fancy suits for work ( if anything a lot of his friends have copied him and now wear similar colours) and yes most of the better designers all have pastels/pinks/mauves which look great on guys

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    Default If your son loved wearing dresses...

    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    I don't have a son so I'm only thinking hypothetically.

    Personally I would let him go for it and see what happens. If he gets teased and it bothers him, then he may decide to conform of his own accord to avoid it. But then the decision has been his own, and he will know exactly why he is stifling his natural style, rather than "Mum says I should".

    Mind you, I quite like being a rebel, so it would secretly thrill me if my child was flouting social norms and gender stereotypes.
    I think this, exactly

    BTW - I have a DD and NEVER buy pink for her. The only pink she wears is what others have bought. She looks beautiful in blue, green and red. And if I have a DS at any stage, he will wear the entire rainbow too.

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    Default If your son loved wearing dresses...

    Sorry but I have not read everything, but you said, that he said he wishes he was a girl. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor or psychologist to discuss this further? Perhaps you have a special boy (obviously) but feels trapped. Or do I just watch too much dr Phil??

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  7. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thermolicious View Post
    You think his desire to be himself will survive 10 years of societies oppression until he is strong enough to fight for himself? Or are you not strong enough to stand by him and hold his hand if needed?
    Yes, I suppose I do. I'm not sure a home that encourages him to wear his favourite colours, buy handbags, pursue ballet and collect Barbie dolls can really result in an oppressed child. It's not like a switch would be flicked at sixteen either, it's my hope that we would travel the journey together over time.

    It's not my strength I'm concerned about, I would have hoped that was pretty clear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by wigglemum View Post
    Sorry but I have not read everything, but you said, that he said he wishes he was a girl. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor or psychologist to discuss this further? Perhaps you have a special boy (obviously) but feels trapped. Or do I just watch too much dr Phil??
    I should have clarified... his wish to be a girl only seems to be related to the fact that they are allowed to freely do things and present themselves in the ways he would like to. I don't believe he's transgender because he happily identifies as a boy, he is just mindful of the limitations being a boy imposes on him.

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    Default Re: If your son loved wearing dresses...

    I have two suggestions...
    1. Speak to the school if you're scared about teasing. Maybe addressing gender stereotyping in class will help make it an easier transition if in future he starts to want too take more to school etc.

    2. White clothes and fabric dye

    You are wonderful to be thinking not only about what is right, but what is real about society at present

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  13. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Yes, I suppose I do. I'm not sure a home that encourages him to wear his favourite colours, buy handbags, pursue ballet and collect Barbie dolls can really result in an oppressed child. It's not like a switch would be flicked at sixteen either, it's my hope that we would travel the journey together over time.

    It's not my strength I'm concerned about, I would have hoped that was pretty clear.
    I think only letting him express himself fully within his home is oppression.

    Sorry my previous post sounded a bit harsh I know you have his best interests at heart I also know what it is like to constantly challenge society based on your own beliefs/ideals. I'd hate to be broken and oppressed and squished into a square box when clearly I'm round

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    It's a tough one but I think I would let him after explaining everything to him about the potential reactions he might receive.
    We were talking about gender stereotypes at uni last night and two stories came up that gave me hope. One was about a little boy who wanted to wear the school dress. His parents spoke to the teachers of the school, psychologists etc. and decided that he could wear a dress to school. They also emailed the parents of the kids in his year at school to let them know that their son would be wearing a dress to school. He went to school in his dress happily, and it was pretty well a non issue.

    Then there's the story of a boy with a unisex name who has gone right through school as a boy. 6 months ago the boy was playing and another kid fell on top of him and realised that he had breasts, and was in fact a she. This was discovered when the kids were 13. The woman telling the story, her son is in this boy's year of school and he came home and spoke about what had happened but it has just been a non issue. She said it was like the kids just went 'ok so T is a girl who really wishes she was a boy, whatever' and moved on from it and just went about school like normal.

    So yes I would...perhaps I'd just start off slowly, letting him wear dresses to friends houses who's parents will be understanding or to family, days out where you've travelled a bit to get there and are unlikely to run in to friends from his school etc. and let him build up his confidence to face the big wide world that way?
    My youngest daughter hates pink and has short hair. She loves dresses (blue and yellow ones) but in winter she's had a few people comment and call her a boy. She hasn't picked up on it yet and I'm not sure how she'll cope if she hears it...whether it will have an effect or not. She already says 'I like boy colours' which she has picked up from pre-school because it's certainly not the attitude we have here and even my 6 1/2 year old tell her that there is no such thing. My 6 1/2 year old would be 110% accepting of one of her male classmates wearing a dress. It's something we discuss a fair bit actually.
    My son gets called a girl all the time. He has long hair and despite his favourite shirt being one with a big motorbike on the front he still gets called a girl.


 

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