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  1. #1
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default If your son loved wearing dresses...

    ... would you let him?

    DS2 is 6 and 1/2, and he loves dresses, princesses, ballet, sewing, everything pink and pretty.

    He has many beautiful dress-ups and tutus, necklaces and hair accessories, but he only wears these at home. My reasoning was that I didn't want him teased as he would almost certainly be if he wore them in public, and that if he "outgrew" his current tastes he might not appreciate the reminders from his peers.

    It's become clear to us that this is him; he has fabulous taste and really appreciates the beauty in different fabrics, styles of dress, matching accessories. He is not going to "grow out of it" any more than another boy would outgrow his love of cars, balls or Lego. His face lights up in Alannah Hill like another child's might at a playground.

    I find myself questioning my decision to not let him wear dresses outside of the house. Why? I wouldn't stop a girl from wearing clothes from the boys' section if that was her preference. Is it for fear of teasing and bullying? Because I wouldn't apply that logic to anything else... "Best not to wear your glasses honey, you might be teased"... "Don't tell people at school your grandfather is Greek, you might be bullied"... No, in these circumstances we address the bully's behaviour, not the target's.

    I've ordered him some beautiful pink and purple polos and tees from Ralph Lauren and think these worn with shorts might suffice. But I still question my reasoning... have I really accepted him if I continue to look for a compromise?

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    It is difficult isn't it. My logical side says just let him be, wear dresses outside, do what he wants to do. But my emotional side knows that he will be targeted by bullies. How awful that the world has come to this, that your son can't wear what he wants to because of fear.

    And we think we don't have gender stereotype issues. Yeah right.

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    I think it's natural to want to protect your kids from teasing or criticism, even if it's unreasonable for them to be teased.

    DS wears a few girly things, but doesn't have preference currently, I'll dress him in stuff he brings to me as I like seeing him make choices himself.

    My friend has 5 boys and the middle one loves pink, frills, ruffles and sparkles, she's been criticized by a new father in our social circle for 'allowing him to be gay' and it really hurt her, even though she knows it's not true.

    I have no idea what I'd do. I do think in most of our social circles it'd be totally acceptable and not blinked at, but our church circles, yeah... I'd be reluctant to let him be a target like that.

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    Perhaps it's not that I've failed to accept him... because I have, I wouldn't change a single thing about him. Rather I'm just conscious that our society has a long way to go, and I'd rather not see my children in the role of pioneers.

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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    My brother sounds exactly like your DS He's 10 now and he did wear his dresses until he was about 7 and then only wore them at home. Mum bought him some lovely pink and purple tops (as you did) and he wore them and his dresses interchangeably. Now he mostly wears pants and shirts but at home you'll often find him in a dress and high heels

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    As for the concern about strangers, that wouldn't bother me. My kids get enough horrible comments for other factors that they will have to one day learn that strangers opinions are often moronic and not of any value.

    I think it's the opinions of those who you love that always cut the deepest.

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    Default If your son loved wearing dresses...

    I know so many of you will probably disagree with me but im not trying to start and argument just answering the question

    but If it were my son that wanted to wear that stuff I wouldn't allow it as that's just the way I've been brought up. pink and pretty stuffs for girls boys are rough and tough and should be wearing blues greens.boy colors really I'd allow him to wear that sort of stuff once he's moved out of home

    It's tough one i just think for the sake of people teasing him i wouldn't allow it good luck with it

    Oh and for the sewing part let him go for it . It could help him with a Job when his older
    Last edited by roz2288; 21-08-2012 at 10:49.

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    Default Re: If your son loved wearing dresses...

    I definitely would feel the same as you. I guess when I was growing up I remember the terrible ways guys teased and bullied guys who were not masculine enough according to them (and society). Overall I think kids tend to pick up pretty quickly what the social norms are though and they censor themselves eventually.. so maybe you don't really need to teach your son to only dress up at home. On the other hand some kids are so head strong and will continue to be themselves, regardless of what others say. I think you kind of have to just let kids go out and work it out for themselves. Also, I really hope this new generation of kids are more tolerant and accepting of difference. So maybe the teasing won't be as bad as you fear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I think it's the opinions of those who you love that always cut the deepest.
    We're very careful to let him know in a variety of ways that he has our complete acceptance and that we want him to be his own, beautiful self. But I wonder if he can really believe this if on the other hand we limit that to behind closed doors!

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    MMM I want to say let him where what he wants when he wants, but also must admit that if I saw you in public I would look and double back, just because it's so unusual, but I would hate for him to notice that!


 

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