It's mine and dh's first and I am 38 weeks.
In movies, on tv, in forums, books, chatting etc- all you hear about is loved up parents-to-be bonding with their beloved bump, learning together and growing as a family, even so early.
He has certainly not bonded with the bump, and I can feel that he and I certainly haven't 'bonded' or 'grown closer' over the last 9 months. If anything I feel alone, miserable and like I am failing through each and every aspect of my life... We are fighting and distant and just can't communicate.
I have felt no closeness to this baby, bump, whatever. I feel revolting and like my body (which was never special by any means), has now as a result of pregnancy been ruined completely and entirely, and I feel like my whole identity is lost.
I don't feel thrill or excitement about meeting this burden which will be my daughter, probably a son though because I have set up for a her -sigh-. I feel sick with guilt, miserable that I have failed her already and am completely overwhelmed by self loathing and worthlessness. I have failed in the process at hand to keep all the balls in my household in the air as well, thus I am now a hopeless wife, housekeeper- and heart breakingly (probably a reflection on what is to come with a baby) I have let my animals down- who are so important to me.
I have failed at being a mother before it even began, and now I just want it all to go away and be back to the life I was so confident and able to manage before.
Does or has anyone ever felt like I do? I just need someone to tell me everything is going to be ok in a few months, or a year and that at some point we will have some kind of family connection and closeness like all these other people out there...
Sorry it's so long, and thank you for taking the time to read.