Can't stand how messy DH is! Help!

**waterlily** · 21-08-2012 13:11

DH was the same when DD was first born BUT he was working 12+ hours. our "compromise" was him hiring a cleaner one a day every week. When DD was a baby she would stay all day and even chuck something in the slow cooker for us

now that DD is older and DH isn't as much of a slob she only comes for a few hours a week.

I refuse to be DHs maid. I have better things to do.

**LittleDove** · 21-08-2012 14:56

Yes you're all definitely right about me not being his maid! I think I need to come up with a compromise that suites us... Time to put my thinking cap on! Thanks for all the replies

**Cleigh** · 21-08-2012 15:05

Yeah when things get to bad with my DP I would just pile all his crapola up in the cornor of our room an not clean it up lol
However my DP likes me giving him chores to do. So I say "you go do XYZ and I will do this" Then when he is finished I give him something else is done until everything is finished.
Its not ideal coz I would love for him to think "hmm oh look dishes need doing, I will do that" but it gets stuff done and he wont complain because he knows Im not his maid and we live together.

**Happy2be3** · 21-08-2012 15:13

My husband is the same... And unfortunately it is usually so deeply ingrained (thanks to the way their parents raised them) that there is not much hope of then changing. Boys grow up into the men they will be..... So women, take this as a an important life lesson and let's all be sure to teach our boys to be tidy around the house!

***Sent from my phone***

**GirlyWirly** · 21-08-2012 15:14

Originally Posted by Pandora67

My DH is the same. Usually just leaves things all over the floor and never puts things away. Leaves kitchen a mess, bedroom a mess and also when he is home with DS just leaves any mess that DS makes. On occasion he will just clean the whole house just to surprise me (only happens about once a month though)

Are we married to the same bloke? Haha just kidding! My DH is exactly the same.

I do get frustrated by his messiness at times, especially if I'm struggling to get the usual housework done, but to be fair he does pitch in without asking sometimes, he's cleaned the entire house when I've gone out. He is the perfect father to our two kids and so lovely to me so I try to pull myself up before I get too cross about his messiness

**SpottySocks** · 21-08-2012 16:21

As far as the clothes laying around the floor, my compromise was to put a chair in the bedroom near DH's side of the bed - any clothes he doesn't want washed can be put here, I don't touch it!

At the end of the bed, near where he usually gets undressed is the wash basket and I have finally got him trained quite well to chuck his dirty clothes in here when he takes them off. There is another basket in the bathroom for him to chuck his dirty clothes in as well. This way he doesn't really have to move or go out of his way to put the clothes in the wash baskets.

He's not too bad around the rest of the house. My biggest peeve is that he is always leaving the kitchen cloth soaking wet either on the draining board or in the sink - nothing worse than a cold, wet, dirty dishcloth, full of germs, blergh!!!!

**Happy2be3** · 22-08-2012 07:25

Originally Posted by SpottySocks

As far as the clothes laying around the floor, my compromise was to put a chair in the bedroom near DH's side of the bed - any clothes he doesn't want washed can be put here, I don't touch it!

At the end of the bed, near where he usually gets undressed is the wash basket and I have finally got him trained quite well to chuck his dirty clothes in here when he takes them off. There is another basket in the bathroom for him to chuck his dirty clothes in as well. This way he doesn't really have to move or go out of his way to put the clothes in the wash baskets.

He's not too bad around the rest of the house. My biggest peeve is that he is always leaving the kitchen cloth soaking wet either on the draining board or in the sink - nothing worse than a cold, wet, dirty dishcloth, full of germs, blergh!!!!

Mine will do ALL the dishes (on the odd occasion he does them) and then leave one measly dish in the sink of washing up water.... Yuck! I'm like.... Can't u just do that last dish and then pull the plug and rinse the cloth!?

***Sent from my phone***

**Rose&Aurelia** · 22-08-2012 07:42

Originally Posted by duckduckgoose

Nope. My DH is exactly the same. Nagging, begging, asking nicely, explaining how I feel, etc, writing down how much time I spend cleaning, none of that worked. Even marriage counselling didn't make him tidier.

In the end we agreed I do all the housework (including picking up after him) and he does the bedtime routine with DS and all night wakes. We're both happy this way

This is us minus marriage counselling and that he has to work more and earn more for me to stay home to keep house for our family.

**Fluffbum** · 22-08-2012 07:49

Can I suggest a chore list. What you want done, at what time, on what day.

My husband was a neat freak. I wasn't immaculate like him, but it was a constant sore point in the relationship.
I guess in a way he's "trained" me. Lol. I'm now as bad as he is in regards to keeping a tidy and clean ship!

Honestly, I didn't see what he saw. It wasn't a priority in my eyes. It could wait. Big deal, a few things are scattered around. So the floors need a sweep. We can do that tomorrow...

If I had a "to-do" list (which was my idea to do one, but I got him to write what he wanted done on it), with a DEAD LINE (no dead line? Yeah, it's not happening). And I'd do it.

It wasn't fool proof. If I felt he was picking on me about house work then I'd just think **** it, why should I? If what I did wasn't to his standard, same again. Well bugger you, not doing it!

Hope that makes some sense, I've been awake most of the night, haha.

By the way, my house is kept pristine now. We operate well as a team (he comes home and does the dishes after dinner and might put some washing on), and we're both happy

**Ashley595** · 22-08-2012 08:11

Mine was the same, in the end I just stopped cleaning up his clothes and dishes I told him if it wasn't in the basket or the dish washer then I wasn't picking it up and putting it there anymore and he'd just have to deal when he had no clothes or dishes and cutlery to eat off (I kept a couple cups plates and knives forks and spoons for myself and hid them)

After 10days he had no clean clothes he pretty much couldn't get out of bed because id tossed all his filthy clothes on his side of the bedroom and mine was spotless lol he went on a huge cleaning spree washed all his clothes and dishes just so he had something to eat off and wear then he went round and tidied the whole house and bought a bunch of organising things like shelves and baskets. We've never had a problem since and he now does all the washing and dishes.

You just need to stick to your guns it's not your responsibility to have clean clothes and plates for him he might get agro when he finds nothing's clean but it should give him the message, hope it works for you!